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I know all the things he wants to say because he’s said them so many times before. Finn has a kind heart as deep as the ocean itself. Yet nothing he can say will change the way my soul is eroding at this moment.
Shut it off. It’s okay, Amser whispers inside me.
No.
No, Raine doesn’t deserve this. And I’m the one responsible. I blighted him. I did this. ME.
“Terra,” Raine’s voice rasps behind me. Finn and I snap our heads to him, shock widening our eyes. My precious Raine, damaged and tired, stands there like this is all fine. “We did our best,” he says sadly.
I run to him, throwing my arms around his torso and crying the second my face hits his chest. I can feel his ribs beneath his shirt. I clutch onto him, and Amser does the same with his Shadow, pulling it to his surface and longing for his fate to be different.
Raine pulls me back far enough to look down at me. His eyes are fully gray now. He leans down and presses a bittersweet kiss to my lips. I yearn to stay connected to him forever.
“Your eyes.” I let my fingertips glide across his temples and he looks at me like a defeated, tired man. He’s given up; I can see. I’ll dig his heart out of Za’Afiel with my bare hands. I’ll find it and give it back to him after I fix the blight. I will fix it.
The sound of Kallos’s chair sliding across the tiles draws our attention. I turn as the professor slowly makes his way around his desk and to a photo on the wall—him and his comrades.
Kallos stands before the picture and stares at it with nostalgic eyes. He brings his hand up and caresses one of the girl’s faces. At this moment, I realize she was the one he was trying to save six years ago. He’s too young to wear this heartache, but it shines in his eyes undeniably.
Finn stands next to Kallos and mutters, “I’m sorry you couldn’t save them.”
Kallos looks over at Finn and nods thoughtfully. “I told you not to make any friends,” the professor breathes out. He looks back at me and Raine, golden eyes filled with regret. “It brings nothing but pain… But, there is something you can try that may remove the blight.”
My lungs seize and Raine stills beside me, his hand engulfing mine and squeezing.
Kallos looks horrified that he’s even considering telling us but he goes on: “You have to place the blight in someone else. Transfer the curse to another… I made a mistake when I tried it on—” His voice cracks and he clears his throat. “I think I know now what went wrong, but either way, you’ll have to place the blight on another soul. You have to take another’s life.”
A horrible smile crests my lips.
I realize now how evil a heart can truly be, how greedy it can become if the circumstances permit. Because I don’t care as long as Raine gets to live and breathe and be by my side. I will become that which I despise the most if it means he gets to live.
“I’ll do it,” I say without a shadow of a doubt.
Finn’s eyes widen at me, surely seeing me clearly for the monster I’ve become.
“No, you won’t,” Raine grits out. His eyes are anguished; he desperately wants to live. “I’ll die and you’ll forget me, babe. This is how our fates are meant to be. No amount of playing with other’s lives will save me. Look at him, for gods’ sakes. He lost everything. He couldn’t save any of them.” Raine’s voice is shaky, his grip on my shoulders trembling.
“Raine, stop—” I cry.
“No. This is the end, Terra. This is how I go,” he says definitively. No arguing or trying to get around it. “I’ve seen my death a million times. Over and over inside my head. This is the end of the line; this is where we must say goodbye.”
Tears spill over my eyes. For some twisted reason, I start fucking laughing at all our wasted efforts.
“So what was all of this for then, Raine?!” I shout in his face.
His lips only pull up in a sad smile, and that tears my heart out more. He brushes the pad of his thumb across my cheek and presses a kiss to my forehead. “It was fun, wasn’t it? Pretending we could find another way? I wanted to have one actual adventure with you. It was selfish of me to give you such hope. I even made myself believe a little.”
My breath hitches and I fist his shirt tightly. “You knew all along? Raine… Raine.” His name stings like fire in my throat. “I can’t go on without you.”
He laughs and pulls me in. “You can and you will.”
Finn comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me too. I don’t know how I’ll carry this weight.
My eyes lift to Kallos. He watches the three of us cry and hold each other, and I see in his eyes the undying sadness of losing those he loved so dearly.
Someday soon, I’ll have that look too.
Unless…
