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“Gods, I fucking missed you,” he whispers as his fingers thread through my hair.
I nuzzle into his embrace. “Then don’t go.” He pulls back, his gaze filled with hurt, but he nods.
I decide not to tell him about what Arthur said. It’s hard enough having hope myself. I don’t want to give him hope and then take it away.
We go over our class schedules for the week. It looks like we have three together and that’s a big win for me. Shadow sex ed, Shadow riding, and blighting.
“Shadow sex ed?” Raine’s smirk pulls at my smile as well.
We’re sprawled out on my bed and already dressed in our night attire. I forgot how fun “sleepovers” are. Finn used to sneak into my room all the time back in Navasik and we’d fuck and laugh and talk until the sun rose. Those were blissful days.
“Do we get to pick our partners?” Raine says in a low, voluptuous tone.
I nudge him playfully, unable to keep the heat from pooling in my core. “I don’t think it’s like that.”
His mouth twists as he laughs. “I think it’s going to be worse than we think it is. Let’s hope Finn isn’t in our class.”
My smile immediately fades. “Don’t even joke about that.” I roll and pull my pillow over my head. Raine follows me into the sheets, grinning handsomely and pressing his nose against mine. His black hair is tousled, the pillow pressing down on his head.
“Don’t pout, babe. It doesn’t suit you,” he taunts, staring into my eyes. I’m distinctly aware of his hands brushing up my side and sliding beneath my shirt.
I run my hand over his cheek and he leans into it, pressing a kiss to my palm. The sheets are soft between us and his lips smooth over my skin, drawing a breath from my lungs. “I know I shouldn’t feel content here, but I do. Does that make me a monster?” I ask just above a whisper.
Raine hums in thought. “Maybe a little bit, but I don’t think it’s fair to blame yourself. Our Shadows have suppressed a lot of the emotions we’d normally be experiencing. I woke up this morning and hardly even remembered anything about Barkovah or the people under my care.” His eyes are sullen and he looks away from me.
He doesn’t remember them?
“You remember Bennie, don’t you?” I search his face but his expression remains impassive. A small gasp rolls from my lips. “How could you forget?”
He keeps his gaze elsewhere as he mumbles, “I only see the future, so many futures and paths. The past has all been lost to me. My Shadow tells me that we’ll all lose more and more of them as the days draw on. Slowly digesting our memories until we’re mere shells of what we once were. Like carcasses left to rot with disease.”
“Gods, are you serious?” I sit up and his eyes finally snap back to me.
Raine nods and lays his head across my stomach. “Try to remember Bennie for as long as you can for me,” he says with melancholy in his voice, making me think he hasn’t completely forgotten the child yet, but it still pulls at my heart.
My fingers thread through his hair and I lie back down, staring at the ceiling of my room where stars and planets are painted intricately. One bright star in the center of the room looks like it’s exploding; light stretches out farther from it than the others—a nova. I’m curious if the other Houses have symbols like this similar to their marks.
As I’m lost in thought, Raine’s hands push up under my shirt. The pads of his fingers are callused and raise goosebumps across my skin as he reaches the underside of my breasts.
“Will you forget me?” he asks between hot kisses against my stomach, trailing up to my sternum. I writhe beneath him and bite my lower lip to keep from moaning as he cups my tits and squeezes them. “Will you forget me when I’m dead?”
I look down at him. His blue eyes pierce through mine.
“I’ll never forget you, Raine. Never. How could you even think that I would?”
He lets out a few low chuckles and murmurs over my breast, “Let’s put it to the test then. I’ll leave a note in one of your books, and if you forget me, maybe you’ll remember me when you find it. Even if it’s just for a moment.”
I shove him back and he grins like this is funny. “Stop it. We’re going to figure out a way to stop the blight.” I say the latter with trailing eyes, wondering how much I believe in my own words.
Raine rolls over on his back and lets out a long breath. “It’s okay. I always knew I wouldn’t live a long life, not with how I grew up, and especially when things went to shit in Barkovah.” His eyes flick back to me, so calm, yet I feel anything but. “You’ll be okay. Just keep your heart muted and I’m sure you’ll forget me before long.”
I open my mouth to argue with him that I still remember everyone, but when I think of my parents and family, I come up blank. I know I had them, but their faces are empty now—like mannequins. Faceless and absent of any life. The motions we went through, the places are still the same, but everything that makes them them is gone.
The thought of being muted to my emotions forever is distasteful. My Shadow shifts inside me, letting its hold on my emotions loosen, and I’m enveloped in them.
“Raine.” I fist the sheets as a well of tears brim my eyes. His brows raise and he quickly sits up, wiping away tears as they fall. “I don’t want you to go.”
“Hey, I’m not going anywhere right now. We still have time. But it’s nice to see you letting your humanity back in for my sake.” His lip kicks up and my heart sinks a bit further into the depths.
