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She’ll always choose me when it comes down to it.
“Let’s get you cleaned up, sweetheart,” I whisper to her softly and she nods into my chest.
My room is cold, but after I light the fireplace and stoke the flames, the temperature quickly rises. Terra stands in the center of my room, staring at the floor, her mind somewhere distant.
I brush her hair back. Her clothes are soaked and freezing. My fingers trail softly down the skin of her neck and goosebumps rise over her arms. I’ve never wanted to be so gentle yet brutal with someone in my entire life.
“You need to get out of these clothes or you’ll freeze,” I murmur, watching her eyes lift to mine and brimming with tears once more. She nods. I have no clue what to say regarding her brother. What do I know about comforting people? I usually just kill them. Comfort is complex and foreign to me.
I slowly unzip her tactical jacket and slide it off her shoulders. It falls heavily to the floor. Steam rolls from her bare skin. I swallow hard—of course, she’s not wearing a bra. I force myself to look away and grab a spare blanket to drape over her shoulders before I remove her pants.
She holds the blanket firmly over herself and presses her lips into the soft fabric. I have her sit on the edge of my bed as I find a towel to dry her hair with. Then I settle behind her and rub the towel over her wet strands. She startles me when she finally breaks the silence.
“He was really trying to kill me, wasn’t he?”
My hands stop moving and I lean forward, resting my chin on her shoulder. Her skin is hot and smells of cypress. I shut my eyes and murmur, “Yes, he was.”
She reaches her hand up to my hair and threads her fingers through the white strands, stroking them back and leaning her head against mine.
“What do I do now? Everything is falling apart.” Her voice cracks. The sound presses deep into my chest.
I turn her around so she’s facing me, her soft legs intertwined with mine. Her rosy cheeks and pleading eyes are making me uncomfortable. That weight I hate so much settles back over my heart. As her eyes dip down to my lips, I have to wrestle the Shadow’s hunger inside myself.
“Do you want me to kill him?” Her jaw drops and she’s about to yell at me before I crack a grin. “I’m kidding.”
Terra’s face shifts from shocked to relieved and she starts laughing. I wasn’t kidding, Sully needs to be dealt with, but it’s nice that she finds me funny. At least humor seems to be helping her mood.
“He hardly even looked like himself. His eyes are different, and I don’t mean the fractures. I mean inside. There was something bad. Evil.” She tucks her knees into her chest and rests her chin on them. The blanket is draped over her back but her front is open to me.
I smooth my thumb over her cheek. “His Shadow has corrupted him, Terra. He doesn’t have long before it takes him completely, especially if he keeps letting it sink further into his soul. Either the headmaster will have his heart or Sully will. I doubt there is an in-between for him.”
Her eyes flash up to me. “What do you mean the headmaster will have his heart?”
Fuck, I shouldn’t have said that, but I guess she would’ve found out sooner or later anyway. “Haven’t you been curious why our eyes are gray?” I tap the side of my head and she stares into my soul, nodding. “Headmaster Emerai has the Shadow that Keeps. It collects the hearts that have been replaced by the Shadows, and once it has, you’re basically enslaved to it. Fernestia controls you so long as Emerai has you.”
Terra sits up more, jaw trembling, nails digging into her knees with anger. “Why didn’t you tell me this sooner? Raine’s eyes are already starting to fade and?—”
“Why would I? Look at my eyes, sweetheart. You give in or you die like lambs. It’s better that the students don’t know. Trust me, it’s just… easier this way.” My throat tightens as the images of my fallen comrades flash through my mind. Terra catches the falter in my voice.
Her face softens and she leans in closer, the blanket slipping off her shoulders and pooling around her waist. “Arthur told me you’ve blighted people before.” My eyes widen at her admittance and unwelcome pain spreads through my chest. “Who did you have to kill, Elias? Sometimes I can’t tell if you genuinely are a psychopath or if you’re just doing what you’re told.”
She wants to be cruel? I like this side of her.
“I killed them all, Terra. Just as I did the people in the field. Just like I would have killed you if it weren’t for us being mates.” My hands rope around her throat, but there’s no fear or disdain in her eyes. A dark and lustful grin pulls up at her lips.
“You can’t hide the pain in your eyes, Elias. You’re not as heartless as you try to be,” she whispers against my lips as she stares into my hollow soul. I swallow hard from both the aching wound in my heart and her closeness. “They were all your friends, weren’t they? The ones you blighted.”
A crooked, weak smile spreads across my lips, my eyes dry. “The only ones I ever had.” For a moment Terra just looks at me with so much sympathy and understanding, I hate it. I desperately need to escape those pitying eyes.
But she won’t let me run away—she leans in and presses her lips against mine. I want to push her away. My chest aches and the emotions are drowning me, but her soft lips are a comforting place to fall.
I don’t do vulnerable, and yet the moment her mouth opens for me, our tongues feverishly seek one another.
She unzips my jacket and lifts my undershirt up, pressing her bare breasts against my chest, making me groan with every soft slip of her skin on mine. I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her close. She’s still cold from the lake.
My lips pull away from hers and she gives me a confused look. “Don’t try to fix me—some things are meant to be broken.” I pull the blanket back up over her shoulders and lift her up off the bed, carrying her to the fireplace and sitting with her in my lap for the warmth of the flames to reach our faces.
I’m meant to be broken. I stare emptily at the fire as old friends greet me in my conscience. They never leave—not for long. Arthur keeps them fresh in my mind, as punishment, I think.
