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Twenty minutes. That's how long it took me to search my house for her. I went to my bedroom first, looking through it and then over to her room. The light was off, so I knew she didn’t go home. So I looked, and looked.
“Katherine!” I find her sitting in the basement, a mirror leaning against the wall as she stares into it. There’s something that happens when she looks into a mirror and I’m not sure it’s healthy.
“I’m sorry.” She says, and then doesn’t stop saying it. Rocking back and forth as she tucks her knees under her chin. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” She just keeps saying it, rocking, and squeezing her legs. There are droplets of blood around her finger nails, where she’s dug in so hard that it’s broken the skin.
“No. Kitty. You have nothing to be sorry about.” I hush her, wrapping my arms around her as I sit behind her. Holding her while I feel so fucking hopeless. I’m not sure I can help her, she needs professionals. She acts like nothing is wrong, then things like this happen. She needs to tell someone else what happened. What he did to her, otherwise she’ll never heal.
My heart breaks as she continues to repeat how sorry she is. “I told you.” She adds. Rocking against my chest.
“Told me what, Kitty?”
“That I’m not worth loving. Even my family says so.” There’s no fucking way I’m letting her think that. I stand up pulling her with me until she’s looking up at me. “Just leave me alone, West. It’ll only get harder from here.” She shoves past me, but I stop her, grabbing her wrist. My face twisted in horror as I see the half moons cut into her legs, the scratches down her neck and the smeared blood on her cheeks.
“Katherine.” I speak softly, choking back my own tears. “Why did you hurt yourself?” I ask, running my fingers down her neck.
“To make sure it was real, that he really said that.” She starts nodding her head, and her fingers start digging into her forehead, “He did. I told you. Worthless. I’m worthless.”
She’s been through so fucking much that I’m not sure where to start. Do I hold her until all the pieces fuse back together? Do I fuck her until she forgets? I’m at a fucking loss.
“Worthless.” She starts rocking again, and when she looks up at me, her icy blue eyes are filled with tears, and this time they’re falling down her cheeks.
This is where it happens, everyone says there’s a point in your life that makes you realize what your purpose is. She’s my whole purpose in life, to heal her, to help her. To make her find herself again.
Chapter Eleven
Katherine
Graduation Day. It should be a happy day. But it’s not. It's the end of our childhood, thrusting us into the uphill battle of adulthood without real world knowledge. We’re thrown out on our asses expected to know how to survive, but instead they taught me the Pythagorean theorem, which, I’m sure I’ve forgotten already.
The ceremony was boring as fuck, and George’s Valedictorian speech as was lame as he is. It was dry and lacking character. Petty and of course, mostly about him being oh so good at school. It was supposed to be about the class and what the future holds, but of course he couldn’t do that.
George and my parents all fake pose with me in front of their friends, but the second they have a couple with me, they shut me out of the way so they can get a thousand of them with George.
I spot Westley, the poor guy I’ve given a sliver of my darkness to. I thought he could help me at one point, that he could help bring the light back in, but it backfired and I started smothering his light. I haven’t spoken to him since I had the breakdown in his basement. Which is fine, even if I miss having his arms around me when I sleep. My bed feels so cold without him next to me. Like an extra piece of me is missing, not that I’m whole anyway. What’s another piece gone mean anyway.
Turning on my heels I leave the crowd in the opposite direction of him. I can’t take looking at his puppy dog eyes right now. I’ve made my mind up. I’m sticking to the plan. Buy a ticket tonight, the first bus out of here to anywhere.
When I get home, surprise, no one else is here. I walked all the way home, forty-two mailboxes from the school. It wasn't that bad, it was quiet. Although, it left me alone with my own thoughts.
Just as I reach the front door there’s a horn, blaring through the street. I jump, turning to look back to see Westley coming to a screeching stop in front of my house. “Katherine!” He shouts, jumping out of his car, not bothering to shut it off or shut the door. What the hell?
I stop, standing on my porch with my cap and gown in my hand. I’m not sure what to say to him, he saw me at a low. It’s definitely not the lowest I’ve gone, but it was pretty fucking close.
“Please, Kitty Kat.” He slams into me, his hands lacing into the back of my hair. My parents told me to wear my hair down today, so I did. Though, only because the space buns didn't fit under the cap. He puts his forehead to mine, his warm breath caressing my lips. “Please.” He teases me with his lips, lightly kissing me. “Don’t leave us like this.”
“Like what? There is no us West, I told you I was leaving after graduation.” I close my eyes, stupid feelings. I don’t have time for these. Feelings get you into trouble. They keep you from achieving goals. He’s going to Yale, there’s no time for us.
“Kitty, you know there’s something here, give me the summer. Please.” He begs, squeezing his eyes shut as I look up at him.
“I’m leaving soon, West. This was the plan. To leave as soon as I can. You know why I can’t stay.” My hands find his waist, clutching his shirt. “Even if this is supposed to be an epic love, one for the history books, it’s too late.”
I try to pull away, no feelings. I feel my eyes burning as I blink a tear down my cheek. “It’s never too late for love Kitty. Never.” He pulls me closer, kissing me hard. Damn him. I melt into his kiss, letting him do it. One last kiss. We deserve this.
I break the kiss, breathing heavily as our foreheads meet again. “I’ve gotta go.” I tell him, pulling out of his grip.
“I’m not letting you leave Kitty. We’re endgame, I don't care what your head is telling you. This is real. We. We are real.” I back up to my door, him taking each step with me, not letting me step away. “Where are you going? I’ll follow you to the fucking moon.”
Don’t cry Katherine. No feelings.
