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I turn and rush back to the bar to place an order. I’m thankful the Savage Knights are sitting at their usual table in Riley’s section, so at least I don’t have to wait on the man who’s driving my mind and body physically insane. While I wait for my drinks to be filled, I struggle to come up with a plan. A way to get my mind off Mr. Fantasy Literally Come to Life and get my mind on anything else. Since I’ve given up drinking, that’s no longer going to be my way of escaping, so I need something else.
Maybe I should take up a hobby. Who the hell am I kidding? I’m not a knitter or a baker. Or a tennis player. I’m a girl who likes to cruise in my Mustang, blasting my music and winding through the countryside on my days off work. I’m the girl who thinks a fun Friday night is changing the color of my highlights to match my mood or to go with the color of my nail polish. I’m the girl who loves bingeing on action movies while eating takeout directly from the box. I’m not the girl who embroiders shit. I don’t even know how one does that to begin with.
“How’s your head, baby girl?” Oh, God. That voice. Thank goodness I’m leaning against the bar, or I’d be wobbling in my boots. I’m about to give him my usual cold shoulder when Riley’s voice pops into my thoughts. She told me I should get to know Ice as an adult. Maybe she’s right. Maybe I need to let the anger go and stop holding on to the past. It obviously isn’t serving me well. And swimming in these toxic thoughts all the time will lead me to early wrinkles.
I look over my shoulder, not wanting to take more than a peek so I don’t get lured in by his dreamy eyes. “It’s fine, thanks. I’m a pro. Drank water and took some Advil when I got home.”
“About this morning, babe, I’m sorry…” he starts, but I stop him. Those are the words I’ve been longing to hear from him for years. But not about this. This situation was my fault, not his.
“Please don’t, Ice. It was just a silly dream probably brought on by all the booze. Nothing more. So I’d love it if we could both move on and forget what happened.”
“Yeah, not happening, babe. There’s no way I will ever forget waking up to the prettiest girl I’ve ever laid eyes on. I’ve been thinking about you all damn day. Wishing you had let me take the ache away. Wanting to make that damn dream of yours come true. Fuck, I can’t get you off my mind, Maisy.”
The heat tries to swallow me whole. My knees are definitely wobbling. What I wouldn’t give for him to make my dreams come true…all of them. But it’s never going to happen. I trusted him with my heart and he broke me. And I still haven’t recovered. So unfortunately, as much as I want to beg him to take me to the back room and make the ache go away right now, I can’t. I won’t take that risk again.
“Thanks for looking out for me last night, Ice. I promise you won’t have to do that again. I’m off the booze from here on out. I’ve been making a bad habit out of drunken mistakes lately, and I’m done.” Thankfully, Vick chooses that moment to tell me my drink order is ready. “Anyway, I’ve got to get back to work, so I’ll see you around.”
I grab the tray and turn to walk away, but he grabs my arm and stops me.
“I’m always going to look out for you, baby girl. And we’re not done here. So pretend all you want, but you’re going to be doing a hell of a lot more than just seeing me.”
Again, my knees practically give out. What is it about this man that makes me so damn weak?
Fuck that. I’m not weak. I’m strong. And the strong, independent woman I am is going to put this man in his place. “We were done seven years ago, Ice, when you decided you wanted someone else and broke my heart. Me ending up in your bed last night shouldn’t have happened and will NEVER happen again. Now, if you don’t mind, I have to get back to my customers. The ice is melting, and I don’t want them forced to drink shit because I personally know what that tastes like.”
A flash of pain crosses his face, and the tray of drinks rattles in my hands. The guilt is bleeding through him, opening the wound in my chest. I need to get away from him before I crumble. “Baby, we need to talk. It’s been a long time overdue, and I’m not waiting any longer. When you get off your shift tonight, I’ll be waiting for you. And I’m not going to let you go until you hear me out.”
I hear the raw emotion in his voice, and my heart throbs with hope, but I quickly lock it down. I won’t allow myself to get drawn in again. If he wants to talk to get whatever he needs to off his chest, I’ll listen. But it won’t change anything. Maybe one day I’ll get to know the man he’s become now, and when that day comes, I may even consider him a friend. But beyond that, there will never be anything more between us. I barely came out of the rubble alive the first time.
“Fine, Ice. We can talk. Now, can I get back to work?” My tone is clipped but I hate the fact that he’s getting to me. And that I’m now anxious for my shift to be over so I can hear what he has to say. And that my stupid heart is hoping more than anything that he’ll tell me what I’ve longed to hear for the past seven years. Shit. I shouldn’t be longing for anything when it comes to this man. I need to get that lock back on my heart.
He nods, and his shoulders seem to relax. His broody mood lightening, while my mood is tensing. He steps out of my way, and I rush over to my table, spending the rest of the night unsuccessfully trying not to think about him. Or look in his direction. Or check the clock every two minutes to see if it’s almost time for the bar to close. I’m in serious trouble.
CHAPTER 4
Ice
Fuck! Out of all the nights that shit had to hit the fucking fan, it had to be last night. The night I finally got my girl to agree to meet with me. But we got a tip from Caprizio, the mafia king himself, that a big drug deal was going down on our turf, so we had to hightail it out of the bar to ensure the scumbags didn’t get away. We had to leave so fast, I didn’t even have a chance to tell Maisy I was heading out and needed a rain check because important shit was going down.
And by the time we were done dealing with the mess and taking out the trash, it was five in the morning, and I knew my girl would be sound asleep. I also knew she’d be pissed if I woke her up. She’s never been a morning person, that’s for damn sure. And when I finally get to sit down and talk with her, I want her to be in a good mood, with her eyes and ears alert and wide open, and her mouth not bitching me out for waking her up so damn early.
But as soon as I see the look on her face when I walk into Trigger’s, I’m thinking I should have risked the tongue lashing and knocked on her door this morning, regardless of what time it was. Damn, if I don’t keep messing up with my girl.
The guys and I take a seat at our usual table, and Riley immediately comes over to us. But instead of turning to her husband and having a full-on make-out session like she usually does, she turns to me and gives me a full-on lecture.
“I stuck up for you yesterday, Ice. I’m the one who went to bat for you and tried to convince her of what a great guy you are. And what did you do? You didn’t show. You bailed on her. Seriously, Ice, if you still love that girl, then what the hell are you thinking?”
Axle grabs his woman by the waist and pulls her between his legs, turning her chin in his direction. “Ease up, babe. My men were cleaning up the streets to make it safe for our little one on the way. We got word about a drug deal going down, and Ice and the guys had to get there before it was too late. It wasn’t intentional. He was just following orders.”
Riley’s eyes soften, and she turns back in my direction. “You should tell her that, Ice. She’s mad, but she’ll understand that it was important. Just next time, give a girl a heads-up before you stand her up.”
I nod in agreement because Riley is right. The club may be important, but Maisy is my priority and I need to make damn sure she knows it.
Axle pulls his wife’s attention back toward him. “Babe, if you’re done bitching out my friend, can I have a taste of that sweet mouth now?” She nods, and then they’re going at it like rabbits, as if they hadn’t just been fucking at the clubhouse an hour ago. Damn, I’m jealous. Sure, I’m happy for them. I just want the same for myself. And I only want it with one girl. My Maisy. Who hasn’t looked my way once since I walked in, and is now giving Rake a flirty little smile.
Fuck! She’s at that shit again, and it’s all because I screwed up.
Thankfully, Rake’s a good man and won’t cross an order, but it still feels like I’m being sucker punched in the chest when I watch her flirt with someone else. She’s been torturing me for years now with all of them—Rake, Trig, Riff, Shiv, and the list goes on and fucking on. All of my brothers want her, which I can’t blame them for. She’s a sexy goddess with a fiery personality and a fucking mouth that can slay a man’s cock with the curve of her lips, but they can’t have her. She may not be mine yet, but she will be.
