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He shakes his head. “Because I was trying to keep my distance from you. But look how good I’m doing at that.” He leans down and brushes his lips against my cheek, kissing his way down to my neck. “Joe was supposed to be my armor tonight, baby. She was supposed to keep me from making a mistake. Like the one I’m making right now.”
The moan purrs from my throat as he sucks on the sensitive part right below my ear. My body starts to squirm in his hold, needing him to give me a repeat of the other night. “Why is this a mistake, Derek? It feels too good to be a mistake.”
“Sure fucking does,” he growls, tugging the soft part of my ear between his teeth, sending a shiver of heat over my clit. “But your brother thinks you deserve better, and I know he’s right. You deserve so much better than me, my darling girl, but I can’t seem to stay away, can I? It took me all of three fucking minutes to cave.” His tongue teases over me, twisting me up in the heat.
“I’m a big girl now, Derek. And you and Bentley are going to have to start accepting my choices. You especially, because I choose you.”
“Babe…” He suddenly pulls back, pinning me with those dark, heavily heated eyes. “You can’t make that kind of decision unless you’re informed. You need to know why Bentley hates me. You need to know why he thinks I’m no good for you. Once you hear my truth, you may change your mind about how you feel about me.”
I shake my head. Nothing Derek could tell me would change my opinion about him because I know who the man before me is. I know how good his heart is. And I know he would never hurt me.
“Okay, so tell me everything.” I lean forward, placing a kiss over his heart before resting my chin on the spot, waiting for whatever he needs to get off his chest.
“Because the bastard who donated his sperm on my behalf, the one who beat my head in anytime the mood caught him right, went missing. Your brother was the officer called by the drug whore of a woman who gave birth to me to investigate, and Bentley suspects foul play. He’s not naïve to the truth of what happened to that fucker. Because of that, he now thinks I’m a cold-blooded killer. I’d claim self-defense, but we’d all know that’d be a lie. That’s why, baby girl. That’s why I’m not good enough for you.”
Good. I’m glad the bastard is dead.
It’s the only thought that comes to mind. Maybe I should be horrified that Derek could take another man’s life, but the man he killed, deserved it. I remember every time Derek showed up at our house barely able to stand, bleeding from his entire handsome face. And I remember the wailing sobs that used to come from the basement in the middle of the night. I wanted to go down and take all his pain away, but I was young and scared and didn’t understand what had happened. It wasn’t until one of our phone conversations while I was away at school that I learned the truth.
“I don’t understand.” I shake my head. “Bentley knows how evil your father was and what he did to you.” There’s no way my brother would want that awful man breathing free.
“Baby, your brother is a good man and a good cop. He wanted justice to be served, but he wanted it handled by the law. Having that bastard sit in jail for a few years and then get off on good fucking behavior was not enough, so I dealt with him. And because of that, Bentley thinks I’m too dangerous for you to be around. He believes you can do better than being with a murderer, and whether I want to accept that or not, he’s right.”
I slide my hands up his chest, reaching for his gorgeous face. His loving eyes captured my heart when I was too young to understand the depth of the meaning of the word love. He and my brother are wrong.
“I think I deserve to be with a man who will love and protect me with his life, Derek.” This man would take a bullet for me without even blinking an eye. He’s always been my safe haven. This crime against the monster who deserved exactly what he got doesn’t change that. “I think I deserve to be with a man who makes me feel like I’m home with just the sound of his voice. I want to be with the man who chases all of my sadness away.”
I lean up onto my toes and brush my lips against the scruff of his beard, continuing to pour out my heart, hoping that my love is soaking in and drowning out his doubt. “I deserve to be with the man who has helped me through the hardest times of my life. I deserve to be with the person I love with all of my heart. Despite all the horrible things that happened in your life, Derek, you still showed up for me. You still went out of your way to make me smile even though you were hurting from the bruises on your face and the wounds in your heart. I want to spend my life with the man who became my family when I lost mine. I want you, Derek. I choose you. But the truth is…” I take his hand and place it over my heart. “I don’t have a choice in the matter because it’s already done. My heart and soul will never belong to another because I’m yours. I’ve been yours for a really long time.”
“Baby.” His voice is rasped with the same emotion I see glistening in his eyes, and it catches fire, causing my own tears to slip down my cheeks. “I won’t make you choose between us. Me and Bentley. I’d rather walk away than let you lose your brother.”
I shake my head at the silly man because that’s never going to happen. “So for now, we make this about us.” I run my fingers along his scruff, feeling the coarseness tickle my nerves, making me desperate for a kiss. “And when the time is right, I’ll deal with my brother.”
He tugs me closer, his thumbs sweeping across my cheeks, wiping away my tears. “I don’t want you to have to keep things from him or lie to him, babe. I’m not asking you to do that. I won’t ask you to do that.”
“You’re not asking.” I lean in, brushing my lips across his sensitive skin. “And that’s one of the reasons I love you. But I am asking, Derek. I’m asking for time. To just be able to enjoy this, to enjoy us for right now without me having to fight with him about it. Because you and I both know how stubborn he can be.”
He whistles low. He knows exactly what I’m talking about. My brother can be as hardheaded as they come.
“I love you, baby girl. And if this is what you want, then I’m all in. But like I said, if it comes down to making a choice, I’m walking away before you two lose each other. Understood?”
And, again, this is the reason I love this man.
“Are you going to kiss me already, Derek?” I ignore his comment. It’s not going to come down to a choice. Because in spite of Bentley being hardheaded at times, he loves me and would never abandon me like that. Although, he may very well give me a headache of grief about it for a few months, and right now, I’m not interested in dealing with that.
His mouth quirks up in a sly grin as he wraps his hands around my neck. “I think because of that little stunt you pulled inside with Riff, I should make you wait a bit longer.”
I swear I’m going to hurt him. My eyes narrow. But before I can smart off, his mouth crashes down on mine. I reach out, clinging to his chest, holding on before my weak knees take me down. This is what I’ve been dreaming about for years, the fantasy I played out as I kissed my pillow in the dark, and now, it’s finally happening.
His mouth begins making its demands. His tongue licking its way inside and twisting me up in the heat. It's smooth and sexy, and singes me from head to toe with need. I thought our first kiss would be awkward like you always see on TV, but it’s like our mouths are in sync, like they know exactly what the other needs.
All too soon, his tongue retreats. His teeth tugging at my lower lip before he pulls away and releases me, and I’m whimpering at the loss. “Damn, baby. Where the fuck did you learn to kiss like that?”
I want to sound cool and say I’ve had a lot of practice, but I’ve had none. Zilch. That was my first kiss, and I’m so thankful I waited to share it with Derek, because I doubt any others would have compared.
“My pillow,” I tease, playing off the truth in that statement.
“Wait.” He tips my chin up, peering in closer with those intense eyes. “Are you saying that was your first kiss?”
