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It was honestly getting ridiculous how many times I had to stifle my scent around her. I couldn’t control it that well for how easily I responded to her, but I didn’t want her to feel pressure to know how I was excited about the idea. She could know I was into it, but I worried about freaking her out if she knew I wanted to bend her over the couch right now.
“My job is to make sure you’re as safe and comfortable as possible through this process. If having sex on your terms beforehand would make you feel better, then we can do that.”
“Part of me wishes you hadn’t said that because now I have to actually choose.”
“Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“Yes. But I’m also chicken-shit and I’m only good at making academic choices, not life ones.”
“I’d say take your time, but you’re on a bit of a deadline.”
“Ugh. Don’t remind me.” Allie inched away and took a deep breath.
I had to check every instinct to follow after her.
Calm down. For fuck’s sake. I was a professional and I’d handled plenty of omegas. I needed to get a goddamn grip or I was going to screw something up.
“I want to do things on my terms,” she said quietly, “and I’m trying very hard to not panic, so I need you to cooperate with me. I need to go slow, and I need you to keep me from freaking out.”
She was going to break me before the end of this. I could already tell.
I soaked in the look of her—the sweep of her dark hair, the pleading in those beautiful brown eyes, the soft pout on her lips, the goosebumps decorating her skin—and forced myself to stay in control.
“Understood. Why don’t you lead each step? I’ll respond from there, and you choose when we move ahead.”
“Okay.” Allie sucked in a breath. “Okay. I can do that.”
“I’m here when you’re ready. No rush.”
She stared at me like she was uniquely terrified of what was about to happen. I had been the same at my first time, and the first time I had taken an omega to bed for their heat. The pressure sat on my shoulders like an anvil. I was going to be her first everything. I had already been her first kiss and I was determined as hell to make her first time something she could look back on without regret.
I could practically hear the racing of her heart in the silence that stretched between us.
Her gaze flickered out of focus and I caught her quiet mumble.
“You can do this. It’s just sex. You gotta push through and do this.”
I was pretty sure those words weren’t meant for my ears, but I heard them nonetheless.
Allie whined softly and nudged the blanket away, sliding over to sit on my lap, knees on each side of my hips. She moved like a startled deer in need of gentling. I suspected the position she chose had as much to do with an escape route as it was to get close to me.
“Remember to breathe.” I let my scent loose then. If that was what she needed to help her relax, then I could give her that.
Allie gasped softly and went stock-still. Her eyes closed, her hands bracing on my shoulders, fingers curling into the fabric of my shirt as she struggled against her own basest desires.
She was so fucking beautiful, like a firework about to go off. I was going to light that fuse.
Allie’s stillness slipped away, replaced by a shiver, her teeth grinding to stifle her whine.
“Can I touch you at all? Or would you prefer I stay totally still?”
“Touch something non-sexy.”
I laughed softly and set my palms onto her calves. The fabric of her pajama pants still separated us, but the moment I touched her, her eyes snapped open and she stared at me like she was the maiden before the dragon’s maw. I supposed that was appropriate, considering how eager I was to devour her.
Her eyes flicked all over my face, taking in every detail. If I weren’t so self-confident I might’ve felt uncomfortable with the scrutiny, but I liked her looking at me. I already knew she liked what she saw.
After she had looked her fill, she asked, “Kiss?”
