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Carrying her with me wouldn’t make the end easier, but I was pretty sure that nothing would.
I woke from a nap draped across Sidney. My senses were infused with his scent and I snuggled closer. “Where did the time go?”
“You may have been a bit preoccupied the last while.”
“A little.” I sighed. “It feels weird to be done. I don’t think I want to be done yet.” I squirmed as uncomfortable thoughts flitted through my brain.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“So...I know we could do stuff before the heat, but what about after?”
“After like now, or after like when you’re no longer a client?”
“Now. Or I guess any time before I have to leave.”
“We can definitely still do stuff. I was trying to let you recover from the heat, but I suppose it would be good to make sure the heat is for sure over. If you don’t have a flare, you’ll be good to go.”
I chewed my lip. Logically it made sense, but I wanted him to be with me because he wanted to, not as a medical check.
He lifted my chin, his soft gaze flickering over my face. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m feeling self-conscious.”
“About?”
“What if you don’t want me this way? What if I’m only fun to be with when I’m in heat? What if I can’t cope with being just a client and having this life-changing experience end with no guarantee I’ll ever feel this good again?”
He kissed me softly, drowning out my questions that had grown more panicked the more I spoke. “Take a deep breath for me, little kitten.”
I did. Tears pricked my eyes.
I didn’t want to go.
Why did it have to be over?
“You are beautiful and perfect, and you don’t need to be in heat for someone to think that. You’re a client, but you’re not just a client.” Sidney traced my cheeks, rubbing away the wet, salty trails that coated them. “I’m grateful I got to go through this with you and see you become more comfortable and confident. None of that has to go away. Someone is going to be extremely lucky to have you as a partner after we part ways.”
I sniffled.
“I want you,” he insisted. “Any way you’ll have me and as often as you want me while you’re here.”
“What if no one else wants me after this? I don’t know how to be with anyone but you.”
No one had ever wanted me before. How was I supposed to trust that anyone else ever would? Why couldn’t I have the first person who had?
Sidney gathered me to him as the panic swelled in my chest, and I struggled to push it all down. He held me until I could breathe normally and continued to run his hand over my hair.
“You can’t know the future, and now’s not the time to be worrying about this sort of thing. Especially because anyone who doesn’t want you is entirely incorrect.”
He let me cry out my mixed-up feelings. It all poured out—my confusion, my worries, my insecurities—and he took everything, brushing my hair and purring until I’d run my tears dry. By then I felt absolutely pathetic.
Sidney didn’t say a word about my puffy eyes or tear-streaked cheeks. He just wiped those tears away and lovingly tucked my hair behind my ears, gazing up at me like I was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. I couldn’t handle the level of adoration in his eyes, so I tucked my head under his chin.
“I have an idea that might help.”
“Yeah?” I clung to him, not daring to look at his face. Embarrassment burned hot on my cheeks from my outburst.
“Go lie on the bed, and I’ll be there in a few minutes.” He patted my hip to prompt me to move.
