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“Something like that,” he says quietly. “Though I didn't start feeling like this until our first shoot together.”
And then there’s no stopping me.
I close my eyes, trying to force back the tears, but it’s useless. I choke out a cry as Thorn’s hand slides up from my thigh to stroke my neck. His arm under my knee keeps me in place.
“That's still two years, baby.” I choke out. And I spent almost all of it treating him like shit. He made me so mad I would spend days beforehand planning of ways I could get a rise out of him, and then spend days afterwards being pissed off that I didn't. Whenever a shoot with him came up I'd get worked up about him for a week, and I didn’t even realise why the fuck I was so obsessed with him.
And he’s spent the whole time enduring me, watching me play out the same thing over and over again as I tried to get his attention. Even after all that, of all those ways I taunted and teased him, he wanted me. He still wants me.
Disappointment sinks through me at myself. I mean, I felt guilty when we started dating about what I'd done to him, especially after I found out about his mum. I'd apologised so many times to him since, and he keeps insisting it's okay.
And he's been feeling this way for years. Fucking years, and I've barely been able to handle it for four months.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, his voice tinged with panic.
I've been so scared to tell my boyfriend that I love him and he has been waiting this long for me to wake the fuck up and notice him.
I've spent two months trying to find a right time, trying to figure out if I was telling him too soon, or even how the fuck I was even meant to tell him. And he’d been with me this entire time, not saying a single fucking word.
I’m hit with the weirdest mix of frustration, annoyance, and hardcore fucking awe that I’m with a man like this.
My grip tightens, squishing his cheeks as I glare at him.
“I love you,” I gasp, clutching at him as if he’s the only thing that’s keeping me alive. “I love you so fucking much and I can’t stand it. I can’t fucking deal with how good you are, Thorn. I don’t deserve you.”
And he just stares at me, his face blank, not saying a single word. Even though I know he always needs a minute to process, it’s the most terrifying minute of my life. I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do, so I shift my legs, moving around him, slowly fucking him to get him to at least react, and to give me something to hold on to.
He finally returns, cupping my cheek, and brushing away my tears with his thumb.
“You deserve everything,” he says simply, as if that is enough to take away the realisation that he has spent three fucking years with that picture and I’m such a cunt that he’s never had space to say anything. Or maybe he never would have if I hadn’t had Hayden invite him on that shoot. Or if he hadn’t messed it up. Or I hadn’t dragged him back into the studio and fell for him in the space of a few hours because he is so fucking perfect that I still can’t believe it.
“For fuck’s sake, Thorn.” I want to shout at him, to tell him off for hiding himself from me for this long, but he’s busy wiping away my tears, kissing my cheeks, wrapping his huge body around mine as he brings me to his lips and thrusts up inside of me.
I gasp as his hand drops back to my thigh, moving me, grinding my ass as I fucking cry. I can't stop and I hate myself for it.
“I love you,” Thorn says so purely that I want to devour him just so I can keep him inside me and never let him go.
I didn't know it was even possible to be furious and completely in love with someone at the same time.
“I really love you, Luca.”
I laugh through my fucking tears as I fall on him. I don't ever want to run from him. I've been trying to escape myself for too long and he's been waiting for me to turn to him.
Pulling his lips to mine, I search his face for something that will tell me he’s hiding from me, but it’s all there. It had been there from the start and I just hadn’t seen it until now.
“I know, baby. I know.” I say as I sink down onto him as far as I can. As we both come, I’m totally certain now that he’s what I’ve been waiting for all my life, and I’m never hiding from him again.
