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He jabs a finger at the barn behind me. “I wasn’t born yesterday, son. You think I don’t know what you two were up to in there? You’re lucky I caught you before Patrick did.”
The desire to rage against him is all-consuming, but I duck my chin to make myself appear small instead. Whatever I can do to lessen the swift punishment coming my way. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
“You’re right,” he says grimly. “It won’t.”
Hot bile rushes up my throat as he informs me that I’m grounded for the remainder of the summer, and that I’m forbidden to see Penelope unless absolutely necessary.
“That’s not fair.” My fists clench as I struggle with the anger stinging the backs of my eyes. “That’s not fucking fair.”
He’s in my face in a matter of seconds, staring down his nose, practically daring me to say another word.
I’ve always admired my father’s tenacity—his ability to make a person bend, no matter how impossible the situation. But his outbursts and the threats he often relies on to get me to obey make me hate him.
“What’s not fair is how selfish you’re being.” He vibrates with a rage that colors his face and neck bright red. “Patrick and I found a company in Tauntuma willing to take a chance on our business. They’ve even offered a bonus that’s going to cover the cost of your education, but if you get her pregnant, none of that matters.”
“I don’t even want to go to Michigan,” I argue bravely. “I want to live my own life, not the one you’ve chosen for me.”
He stares at me long enough for sweat to bead along my brow. “You disappoint me.”
I swallow, trying to hold my ground, but my confidence weakens at those words, crumbling before I can repair it. “Dad…”
“Did you enjoy being poor, Logan?”
“That’s not—”
“Listening to your mother cry herself to sleep every night?”
Angry tears fill my eyes now. “No.”
“Then stop acting like a child when you’re grown enough to know better.” He points to the Vances’ home. “What do you think Patrick will do if he catches you with his daughter? Congratulate you for getting between her legs? And what’s worse, you’re risking everything I’ve sacrificed to get us here by sneaking around with her.”
My teeth grind, fists clenched at my sides, but I can’t chase away the fear that maybe he’s right. I’m not thinking straight, and I’m not putting our family first.
“We’re here because Patrick and Lucy were gracious enough to take in a few strays. But when this deal goes through, and it will, we’re going to be rich beyond our wildest dreams.”
I don’t give a fuck about riches when everything I need is in that house, showering upstairs, hopefully ignorant of what’s happening out here.
“I need you to focus on what’s at stake here, Logan. If you get us kicked off the property, and Patrick pulls out of this deal, we won’t survive.”
The visions of me and Penelope happy, in love, and free dissipate like smoke in the wind. When I glance up at the second-story window, I see the blinds wobbling. I know she’s watching. Just like I know she’ll watch me run my punishment laps around the pasture later, too.
As if I’ve stressed him beyond the point of waiting, he pulls a cigarette and lighter from his pocket and lights the tip.
My skin itches with the urge to burn it. To cram the tip of that cigarette into my flesh and feel the piercing, nerve-searing pain.
Erase every thought.
Erase every sensation.
Until I feel nothing at all.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Penelope
The market downtown is the perfect place to clear my mind. Best of all, it’s far from the eastside apartments where Carrie has done nothing but fuss over me for almost a week.
“Gracias, Lynda,” I say to the round-faced woman who hands me a bag full of fresh apples. I love when she’s here on Saturdays because she always tosses in a few extras.
