Page 38 of Guarded Heart


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I want Easton to wrap me in his arms and tell me he loves me, then beg for me to come back to him so we can live the life I’ve been dreaming of, but that’s not happening.

“Hey, I’ve got some things to take care of over here, why don’t you call me at the same time tomorrow?”

She nods and gives me a small smile, then waves before ending the video chat.

“Is that what you’re really willing to walk away from, Autumn?” Savanna asks from the kitchen, her arms crossed in front of her as she frowns. “That girl adores you, yet you’re so easily leaving her behind.”

“I’m not leaving her.” That’s what I’ll keep telling myself at least.

“It’s exactly what you’re doing. How do you think she’s going to react when she asks to hang out, or come over for another girls' night, and you have to tell her you’re all the way across the country?” Savanna shakes her head and scoffs. “Autumn, I love you to death, but I’m disappointed that you’d walk away from Bethany so easily.”

I don’t have to sit here and listen to this. Without another word, I quickly gather my computer and stomp to the front door, pushing my feet into my slippers as I leave. The saddest part? My best friend doesn’t try to stop me.

As soon as I sink into the front seat of my car, the tears fall down my cheeks and I let my shoulders shake with sobs. Is Savanna wrong?

No, she isn't, I realize. I would be leaving Bethany. Maybe not in the way her mother did, but I may as well be.

What about me though?

How can I continue walking around this town knowing Easton is here, acting as if nothing ever happened between us?

I can’t back down from this, no matter who I leave in the process. Running is the only thing I know how to do.

I grunt as I try zipping my suitcase, frustrated that it won’t budge with only an inch left, and I groan loudly into the room. I don’t know where I’m going exactly. I figured I’d just drive and see where I end up.

It will be fun.

That’s what I keep telling myself, anyway.

With a long sigh, I lean back onto the king sized bed I’ve been sleeping on, and stare up at the ceiling with my thoughts running all over the place. I know that Savanna doesn’t agree with what I’m doing, but I thought she would at least see me depart. It hurts to know she’s not supporting me with this.

Bethany still doesn’t know I’m leaving. I figure when she calls me, I’ll be on my way already so she won’t be able to try and convince me not to stay. If she walked up to me right now with tears staining her cheeks and begged me not to go, I know I’d drop everything in a heartbeat and I can’t do that.

I need to do this life on my own.

Savanna might not understand, but that’s okay. I’m the only one who needs to. I’m haunted by dreams and fantasies every time I walk around Maple Creek, conjuring up images of what it would be like to live here with Easton and Bethany. I have no right to think things like that and I definitely don’t have the right to be hurt that they aren’t coming true.

A door slams shut in the distance and I hold my breath as I wait for whoever it is to approach my bedroom door, but the only thing I hear are Savanna’s footsteps as she heads upstairs.

Will she truly not come say goodbye before I go?

Tears sting the back of my eyes and I blink them away. I’ll find the strength to get through this, just as I have the last four weeks while waiting for Easton to choose me. I hiss in pain when I grab my suitcase and my manicured nail cracks in the process. Regardless, I put on a brave face and march toward the front door.

There’s nothing but silence as I glance around Savanna’s home which is filled with love and laughter, and I smile at the idea of her getting everything I’ve always wanted. Just before I’m about to walk out the door, I glance up the stairs and find Savanna standing there with tears in her eyes as she watches me walk away.

Each step I take toward my car hurts, but it’s what I need to do.

My vision is blurry as I reverse down the driveway, turning right to head out of town. Every mile that separates me from Maple Creek, the hole in my heart gets bigger and I start to wonder if I made a mistake after all.

Chapter Twenty-One

Easton

There’re muffled voices coming from the kitchen when I step into my parents’ house and I slowly inch my way toward them. Savanna is sitting at the kitchen table in front of our mother with her shoulders shaking, and she shakes her head slowly. “I don’t think she plans on coming back, Mom. I tried to stop her, but she just wouldn’t listen.”

Our mom sighs, her eyes cutting over Savanna’s head and looking directly at me with a sad smile. “Autumn will figure out where she is supposed to be, Savanna, you’ve just got to give her time. It may have been a long time ago, but we all gave you that same courtesy as well.”

“I just didn’t think she’d run away from everything like this, not after seeing how difficult it was for me.” Savanna sniffles and I blink a few times, trying to understand what she’s saying. “Do you think she’ll actually realize this is where she’s meant to be?”

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