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Prior to falling asleep, I’d been in a very comfortable sandwich with him and Artie… but now I wished I hadn’t been so that I could pretend everything was okay and actually get away with it.
“Who told you that?”
“Aurelia and Brynn, they told me you’d probably get a little twitchy.”
Of course they did. My sisters meant well, but they were too nosey for their own good.
“What a bunch of snitches,” I grumbled, leaning in as Artie’s hand smoothed up my back.
Enzo grinned at that. “That’s family for you.”
Sucking in a deep breath, I finally braved looking away from Leith’s neck. “Fifteen years,” I finally said, giving in. They would hear it all eventually. “Today is the fifteenth anniversary since my mam—since all of them—died. Went right over a bridge when she came to get me.”
My words cracked like the panes of too brittle glass and I nearly dove back into Leith’s chest as images of my nightmare came back in full force. The feeling of the water, the way that the stone column felt against my back as it slammed into it, cracking my ribs and breaking my wrist.
A sob rippled out of me and I put my face in my hands, ready to turn into a puddle like I always did when this time of year rolled around.
Normally, I’d take the week off from training, and well, everything.
White-knuckle grip the trauma and the memories, let the nightmares come as they were, and once it was all over I could return to the life that I sometimes felt I didn’t deserve.
I hadn’t done that this time. It would have taken explanation and I didn’t want the men around me to know that I was quite so broken yet. I wanted to maintain the facade that I wasn’t such a fucked up human being.
“Why did you want to do what?” Artie asked, making me realize that I’d said my last thoughts out loud.
I must have been more tired from all of the nightmares than I thought.
“Because no one wants someone so… fucked in the head.”
“You are not fucked up, gorgeous,” Wiz said it with such conviction that I nearly believed him.
Warmth crept into my cheeks as I looked away from their looks of sudden pity to the only person who I knew could give it to me straight.
Enzo’s expression was neutral when I finally met his eyes. “Am I fucked up, Enzo?”
The man didn’t miss a beat. “Undoubtedly.”
“Dude, what the hell?” Wiz barked from behind Leith’s shoulder but Enzo held up his hand to stop the other alpha before he could say anything else.
“We’re all a little fucked up in this family, if you haven’t noticed. Leith’s got attachment issues, Artie’s losing his eyesight at a breakneck pace and I can’t seem to keep my head on straight for more than a day before I have my next freak out. The only normal one here is Wiz and yet I think he might be the craziest one of us all for putting up with this shit.”
Leith and Artie nodded in solemn agreement, ignoring Wiz’s noise of protest.
“My point is…” Enzo looked like he was searching for the right words. “That we’re all fucked up in some way or another. Just because your demons have an anniversary doesn’t mean we don’t get it.”
Artie’s fingers slid through mine. “Fifteen years, but this is the first time you have someone—some people—to get you through it.”
Leith’s large hand cupped the back of my head and he leaned back so he could look at me, his green eyes serious. “They’re right, mo ròs, let us comfort you. What good are these bonds for if we can’t use them to help each other.”
“I say,” Wiz began, finally managing to get in a word edgewise. “That we all play hooky today and stay in and pretend like the world outside doesn’t exist.”
“Today?” Confused, I glanced over at Artie’s alarm clock and groaned. It was already almost six in the morning. “What about practice and work? Enzo, don’t you have some on-air thing today?”
But he shook his head. “Nope, that’s another day.”
Carefully, he reached out and put a hand on my leg. Warmth spread out from his palms to the tips of his fingers, chasing away the last shakes that still seemed to have a hold of my body from my nightmare.
“Today we stay in,” he finished firmly.
