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I didn’t give a fig about what was traditional and what wasn’t and I probably would have shot some snarky comment right back had it been any other day. But I knew Enzo was struggling even more than me with all of this.
“I’m just across the hall. If things go well, we’ll all move in together in say… six months?”
All of the men in the room groaned at that.
“Six months? Ciara that’s forever,” Artie whined, his displeasure at my words flowing down the fresh bond.
I really needed to get a handle on that. It was loud enough in my own head and now I could feel the emotions of three other people, all of them slamming into me at full force as I tried to maintain a neutral impression.
“Two months,” Enzo negotiated.
“Five,” I shot back.
“Three and you move in after the invitational.”
The Seattle Sports Complex was hosting an invitational for the Western half of the United States toward the middle of September before hockey pre-season began. Athletes from all of the ice sports disciplines would be flocking in to show off their skills in a faux competition.
It would also be where Artie and I skated together for the first time in front of a crowd, that is if we ever got our routine together.
Down the bond I could feel Artie’s hope and guilt over the bond that we’d made between us. Then, just behind that I felt Enzo’s irritation, and was that a hint of desperation?
It was hard to pick what emotions were mine from the tangled mess in my mind and a wash of pure panic came over me that I immediately shoved down.
The room suddenly felt too hot, like someone was holding my body to a bonfire. Shaking Wiz’s away I stood and cleared my throat, worried my voice would come out as a croak if I didn’t. “Three months is fine, now if you’ll excuse me.”
Whirling on my barefooted heel, I hurried for the front door. I needed to get out of there, to get away from all of the emotions I couldn’t be sure were my own or if I was being influenced by the feelings of the three men inside of the apartment.
“Ciara,” I heard Wiz call my name, but I was running headlong for my apartment and into my own bedroom that smelled comforting because it just had my scent and just the ghost of Wiz’s.
But being in another room didn’t help the waves of confusion and concern that were covering me like a suffocating blanket. I’d never been one to feel claustrophobic—but it turned out that having three consciousnesses besides your own crammed into your brain was all I needed to feel like tearing my own skin off.
Huffing, I buried my face in my pillow before curling up into a ball.
The door to my bedroom opened and someone came inside.
“Wiz, not right now,” I told him, my words muffled. There was a soft chuckle. “It’s not Wiz, mo ròs.”
Lifting my head, I found Leith leaning against the doorframe and one glance behind him told me that he’d come alone.
I hadn’t been alone with him since that day in the hallway when he’d been so close to kissing me… and then had apologized because he couldn’t.
We hadn’t been anything anymore then, but now we were. We were pack.
The word both sent a thrill of excitement and a sense of impending doom through me as I sat up and faced him fully.
On one hand, being in a pack was a good thing. I always had a permanent place with them now, thanks to the bond which I only vaguely remembered putting on Artie’s neck.
But on the other hand? I felt like I was setting myself up for a supreme level of heartbreak. There was no going back from a bonding mark—at least not in any way that was pleasant.
All of that stewed inside of me, mixing into a nauseating tornado of shit as I felt the emotions of my packmates slamming into me and I realized as I stared up at Leith that it was hard to breathe.
“I can’t—” I wheezed, the panic making everything turn bright and intensely detailed as I tried to suck in a lungful of air and failed.
I thought I was doing so well with everything, but the discussion about moving in had tipped me over the edge and all of the questions that I’d been putting off since I came out of my rut were now at the forefront of my mind.
Cool hands cupped my face, tilting it until I was looking right up into Leith’s green eyes as he knelt down on the bed in front of me. “You’re overwhelmed by the bond, Ciara.”
“Tell me something I don’t know,” I managed to rasp, finding just a hint of snark within myself amongst the storm.
