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Natalia had no idea what she would say. But she had the irrepressible need to confess.
At Sam’s door, Natalia’s thoughts were a jumble. Her system was flooded with more emotions than she’d ever felt in her entire life combined. She didn’t let herself slow down. Didn’t let herself think.
At Sam’s door, Natalia hesitated just a moment before knocking. Too late to turn back now. Whatever happened next, she was through hiding from the truth. This ended tonight.
CHAPTER 56
Sam jerked awake to the sound of knocking, heart lurching. She had fallen asleep on the couch while reviewing student papers, exhausted from another long week.
Padding to the front door, Sam peeked through the eyehole. Shock jolted through her at the sight of Natalia on her doorstep. She looked breathless, almost wild.
For a moment, Sam thought she must be dreaming. But as she opened the door, the charged energy rolling off Natalia was unmistakable. This was real.
“Natalia?” Sam blinked uncertainly, voice groggy. “What are you doing here?”
“I needed to see you. To explain…” Natalia’s words came out in a rush as she stepped inside.
Sam ushered her to the couch, pulse racing. She could scarcely believe Natalia was here after two weeks of distance. Part of her had feared she might never see those piercing dark eyes again.
But Natalia thundered on like she feared slowing. With every word she said, Sam’s hopes deflated. The situation with the studio she already knew about, but she had no idea Natalia’s agency was hanging in the balance, too.
When Natalia finally paused for breath, Sam found her voice. “Why didn’t you talk to me about this earlier? We could have figured it out together.” Sam moved from the ottoman to the space next to Natalia on the couch, pushing aside her laptop. “Have you been dealing with this alone since you got weird?”
Natalia glared at her, but she didn’t object to the characterization. “I couldn’t,” she replied, a universe of unspoken words trapped behind her tight lips.
Empathy swelled at the pained look on Natalia’s face. She reached out, resting her hand on hers. She understood that Natalia couldn’t talk about the deal — it was the effect on Natalia of carrying it alone that Sam hated.
“A relationship means tackling hard things together, not sheltering each other from the ugly parts. I don’t need a manager or agent making choices for me. I want a partner, someone to take things on together with.”
“I don’t know how to do that,” Natalia admitted quietly.
Sam allowed her lips to form into a soft smile. “I don’t believe that. There’s nothing on this planet you couldn’t do if you tried. If anyone can wrestle something into submission, it’s you.”
Natalia stared at their joined hands, seeming to teeter on the edge of something. Sam held her breath, and trusted the strength of what was growing between them.
“Maybe this is a mistake,” she said slowly, pulling her hand back. “I’ve done things my way for too long. It’s crazy to think I could change at nearly fifty. Life doesn’t work that way.”
“Do you really mean that?” Sam knew pushing her would only drive her further into self-protection mode. So she approached slowly, summoning every ounce of patience and compassion. “Or are you just scared of what you’re feeling?” Sam reached out, resting her hand on Natalia’s hip, encouraged when she didn’t slip away. “It’s normal to be unsure heading into uncharted territory,” she offered gently. “But we’ll navigate it together, one step at a time.”
Natalia turned, vulnerability cracking through her stoic facade. In that moment, Sam glimpsed the exhilaration glinting beneath the fear of losing control. She stood steady, keeping her heart open, silently willing Natalia to embrace the freefall.
Natalia’s shoulders slumped, the fight draining out of her. “You’re right,” she admitted softly. “Until I met you, I was so certain about every move I made. But now…”
She trailed off, and Sam gave her hand an encouraging squeeze, pulse quickening. They were so close to what felt like a final impasse.
“Now everything feels unknown,” Natalia continued, voice laced with wonder and fear. “It’s like I’m out of my depth with no compass or map. I don’t know how to cope with that.”
Sam’s heart ached at the vulnerability in her tone. She longed to wrap Natalia in her arms, to soothe away the uncertainty.
“There’s opportunity in the unknown,” Sam said gently. “We may not see the path, but I trust we can find it together. I just need you to trust me, too.”
Natalia swallowed hard, eyes glistening as she stared up at her. “I do trust you. And I want this. I’m just...” She paused, emotions clogging her throat. “I’m so afraid of losing you that it… I don’t like feeling afraid. I can’t see what the right next step is.”
“But maybe you can feel it?” Sam pulled Natalia fully into her arms. “I can promise you that whatever happens, you’ll never lose me. Not ever.”
Sam’s heart pounded as she held Natalia close. She could feel the fear and longing warring within her. Slowly, gently, Sam drew back just enough to look into Natalia’s unsure eyes.
She cradled Natalia’s face in her hands, caressing her cheek with a feather-light touch. Natalia’s eyes fluttered closed, and she leaned into the contact, some of the tension leaving her body.
