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While Roxy sang to Adriana, their love so strong it was swirling around them and squeezing every heart in the room, Natalia let the warm tingle from the tequila spread over her skin. Roxy had started out so young, she still had decades of a career left ahead of her.
“When did we become the old guard?” Natalia mused half to herself. “When did it become our turn to rail against the coming dark?”
“You think you’re old and on your way out?” Candy let out a bark of laughter. “Let me ask you this,” she said with more amusement than Natalia had ever seen her show, “can you still eat pussy without throwing out your neck?” Candy laughed at the surprise on Natalia’s face. “Yeah, just you wait for all the surprises coming on the sex front.” She shook her head.
Natalia had considered herself Candy’s equal, not some kid so much younger than her. She let the buzz set in while she listened to another one of Roxy’s songs.
Slipping between the past and the present, Natalia vacillated between being a wide-eyed baby gay and a hardened veteran who’d thrived in hostile environments despite all odds. Even with society regressing in some distressing ways, she could never have imagined the progress they’d made as a community.
Her attention drifted away from Adriana and Roxy and over to Lola and Carmen. The feisty lawyer had managed to get Lola dancing. The love that vibrated off the two couples was almost blinding.
Natalia’s chest filled with something like pride. She expected to be invited to a wedding soon. An incredulous chuckle nearly vibrated in her chest. The moment she’d seen Adriana and Roxy together, she’d felt the chemistry between them simmering. It wasn’t long before it had grown to something staggering. But she’d trusted Adriana not to cross any lines, despite Roxy’s predictable attempts to charm her.
Taking a deep breath, Natalia tried to chase away the annoying sentimentality with more tequila. Her girls had found tailor-made partners. People who brought out the best in them. Who see them, value them, enhance them?—
“You know,” Candy interrupted her mushy thoughts by taking the tequila bottle from her and pouring them two more shots, “I hate when people say something is their whole life.” She set the bottle down, not looking nearly as drunk as Natalia felt. “And it’s like okay Betty Davis, cue the violins.” She wiped at her glossy eyes. “But this place,” she took a deep breath while Natalia swallowed her mouthful of tequila, “this is seriously my whole life.”
Natalia rested a hand on Candy’s shoulder, giving her an encouraging squeeze.
“This is the wife and kids I didn’t have.” Candy’s eyes were brimming with emotion Natalia was shocked she couldn’t identify. “And now what do I have left after I’ve given them everything?” She twisted on her stool to face Natalia. “Don’t let what you do become who you are, Natalia. Take it from me. You have plenty of life left to live. Don’t let it pass you by. Give yourself a chance.”
Natalia didn’t have a response. Didn’t have a pithy comeback. She didn’t even have an empty platitude to throw her way. At a loss, she almost divulged to Candy that she’d turned forty-nine without telling a soul and she had no idea what to do about a woman she liked. That change felt terrifyingly close, and she didn’t know what to do about that either.
Instead of saying anything, she lifted the shot glass that would blur her vision and compromise her decision-making skills. Without giving herself time to think, she opened her mouth and poured in oblivion.
CHAPTER 23
With a liter of water tucked under her arm, Natalia walked into her hotel room and kicked off her tight heels. Peeling off her sweaty clothes, Natalia went straight for the shower.
She didn’t bother getting dressed, slipping instead into the crisp white sheets of the king-sized bed. Hair wet and body still warm from the steamy shower, Natalia curled onto her side and tried to shake the unsettled feeling in her gut.
Sleep, despite her tipsiness, was elusive. After tossing and turning, Natalia reached for her phone. She’d intended to turn on a guided meditation for sleep, but found herself drifting toward her text messages.
Sam: Have a safe flight, Ms. Flores. Try not to terrify the flight attendants.
The text Samantha had sent her the night before was just sitting there. Looking at her. Taunting her like Samantha’s reckless smile and careless fingers through her hair.
It had only been a week since they’d last seen each other. Since Samantha left her wanting. She shouldn’t be… missing her. That was pathetic. Objectively pathetic. And yet her lips tingled when they remembered Samantha’s kiss. The kiss Samantha had broken off when she pressed her for more than sex. Who the hell did she think she was?
Annoyed that Samantha was making her think of her, she shot off a response twenty-eight hours after she’d received the text. She was perfectly capable of tormenting Samantha, too.
Natalia: How dreadful that you have to stay in a dorm.
It was only after she sent it that she realized the time. She closed her eyes and rolled away from her phone. Samantha wasn’t going to reply at three in the morning. Especially not when she’d just started her two-week tour across college campuses. Natalia had given up the upper hand and now she was the one waiting for an answer.
When her phone buzzed on her pillow a moment later, Natalia’s heart jumped into a trot. Snatching the phone before she let herself overthink it, she opened the response.
Samantha could always be counted on to do the thing Natalia didn’t see coming. The thing that unnerved her and turned her own weapons back on her. Rudely, Samantha had replied with a photo.
In black boxer-briefs that hugged her from curved hip to muscular mid-thigh, Samantha was pictured from the waist down. Tangled in white sheets, Samantha was lying in a dark hotel room, a sliver of her exposed abdomen making it seem like she wasn’t wearing anything but the shorts.
Jesus.
The sight of Samantha in bed catapulted her headfirst into the night they’d spent together. It felt like a lifetime ago, but Natalia still remembered the weight of Samantha’s fingers curled around her thighs. The sensation of her body on hers. The sound of her breathy moans while she trembled and squirmed.
Desire roared to life. It thrummed in Natalia’s drunk body, making her ache as if Sam were reaching for her across the sheets. Like she was grabbing her with authority. Like she was wrestling her for control.
Samantha: March in New Haven is freezing. I can’t seem to get out of bed.
