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“So we’re in agreement there?—”
“Until I met you,” she continued, undeterred. “You’ve made me feel brave. Reckless. And no matter how things end up, Natalia, I want to give this a chance.”
“Give what a chance?” Natalia shook her head. “Haven’t you been listening? I gave you the Cliffs Notes version and you still can’t keep up? I don’t even know how to be in a relationship, Sam. Like, which part did you miss?—”
“And I’m not sure I even know how to be in a relationship again,” she countered. “This could all be for nothing. We could go out for a month and realize we’re just not that into each other. All I’m asking is to see what this is before you end it. I’m asking you not to cut it off before it starts.”
Natalia leaned back, her lungs burning when she exhaled. The proposition was stupid. She knew exactly how it was going to go, so what was the point? It was like driving down a dead-end street and then being alarmed that it was, in fact, a dead end. It was going to be a waste of precious time.
“Please?” Sam reached out her hand, but Natalia didn’t take it. “I mean, you called me Sam, so I have a lot of hope here. If I’m wrong, you can rub my nose in it. What do you really have to lose?”
Natalia glared at her. “Only everything.”
CHAPTER 38
Laying in the dark, Sam stared up at the living room ceiling. Natalia had retreated to the bedroom. She hadn’t invited Sam to come with her, and Sam hadn’t asked.
She focused on the slashes of pale moonlight filtering in from the partially open blinds and tried to untangle the night’s events. Just having discussed Sofia was an emotional sucker punch, but Natalia unraveling in front of her had been nearly unbearable.
Until that conversation, she’d been assuming that Natalia was merely unyielding — used to getting her way without having to consider another person’s input. That she disliked the part of being in a relationship that required her to be on equal footing when she was so used to calling the shots.
Never could she have imagined the indomitable Natalia being mistreated. Sam’s stomach burned, sending a column of acrid bile straight up her throat. She hadn’t been powerhouse Natalia then — she was just a kid. Scared and alone.
Tears pricked the backs of Sam’s tired eyes. Her second-hand heartbreak wrestled for control of her emotions, but anger was putting up a fight. She couldn’t imagine what flavor of despicable human would take advantage of a kid in her position.
Sam closed her eyes. She couldn’t stop imagining Natalia being so young and vulnerable. So defenseless. Cycling through culprits, she wasn’t sure who she was angry at most. Was it Kate who clearly manipulated and took advantage of a vulnerable girl? Or Natalia’s parents, who were supposed to protect her but instead kicked her out when she needed them most?
She pushed aside her own feelings and sorted through Natalia’s barrage of information. She’d never seen someone turn vulnerable confessions into an act of war, but Natalia had wielded hers like a mace.
Trying to understand Natalia, or her motivations, was like trying to divine her future in cafecito dregs. Where someone else might see two kids and a white picket fence, Sam only saw amorphous blotches.
Sleep would help reset her racing thoughts and ease the ache in her belly. She closed her eyes and focused on her breathing.
Her brain refused to comply with her demand. All she could do was think about Natalia. Hurt for her. She wanted to leap into the past and rescue her, the poor kid that just needed a safe place to exist.
Somewhere in the distance, she remembered having agreed to sign the production company’s contract. She should be freaking out. Should be second-guessing the decision.
But stretched out on the couch with her pulse hammering in her throat, it all seemed so small. Compared to a life nearly shattered, work was just… work.
Unable to keep her eyes closed or her thoughts from racing, Sam stood. Pain shot over her when her charred skin scraped against the material of the couch, but she didn’t let it stop her. Unsure of whether she was doing the right thing, not knowing what Natalia would say, she tiptoed toward the bedroom.
A faint glow under the closed door offered a hint that Natalia was awake. Sam held her breath, knocked, and then opened the door a crack.
In the dark room, Natalia was sitting on the bed, her bespectacled face lit up by the glow of the laptop she was working on. At the sound of the creaking door, Natalia looked up, expression intense and unwelcoming.
Sam was about to close the door again when Natalia pulled off her glasses.
“Loitering, Professor?” Her voice was hoarse and lacked its usual bite. Had she been crying? “If you’re going to skulk there, you might as well come in.”
It was a warmer invitation than Sam expected. She hadn’t wanted to read into the fact that Natalia hadn’t packed her things and left after the charged conversation. But she couldn’t ignore it either. She had stayed, and even now she was inviting her in, albeit in her own Natalia way.
“I just wanted to check on you.” Sam edged into the room, eyes adjusting to the low light.
“So glad you interrupted my work to confirm signs of life.” Natalia didn’t move her computer off her lap even as Sam sat at the foot of the bed.
“Work?” She looked at the clock on the nightstand. Even without her glasses, she could read the enormous numbers. “At this hour?”
“Yes, well. If you saw the size of my inbox, you’d know that at any given moment someone in the world is sending me an urgent email.”
