AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Miles!” says Olivia, shocked by how callous I'm being, her grip on my hand tightening. “It doesn't make it any less hard. When someone you love passes, whether you're expecting it or not, it’s still hard.”
“Everyone goes, eventually,” I mutter. “I never had anyone else but Grandad. I never knew my mum and dad. I never had any siblings, never really had any friends. I still don't. Everyone knows me as this big dickhead, a guy you can have fun with. But that’s only because I don’t know who else to be. I let people get close to me to use me because at least then they want me.” I get louder as I barrel on, unable to stop the words flowing out until they hit a wall and my voice cracks.
I feel pathetic. But somehow Olivia isn’t looking at me like I am. Her eyes are glistening with tears, her expression soft, almost like she really cares.
“I’m sorry you never knew your parents,” she says gently, rubbing her thumb in circles over my hand. It’s somehow both the most romantic thing and the most genuine act of friendship anyone has ever given me. It’s amazing that she doesn't know just how much she means to me.
It’s stupid that I can’t make myself tell her.
“You’re close to your family, then,” I say, hoping to get the conversation back onto any topic that isn’t me. The heat is too much to handle and I don’t actually want to cry in public.
She nods and smiles, then looks down at our hands and seems surprised to see that they’re clasped together. Almost apologetically, she slides her hand away and down into her lap, and I copy, not wanting her to know that it feels like I’ve just let go of the most important thing in my life. “Yeah, they mean a lot to me. My parents have always supported me, always given me everything that I ever needed. I’m sure they’d have liked your grandfather.”
I can't help but wince at her mentioning Grandad, which she seems to notice and winces too, embarrassed to have brought it up. Quickly, she corrects herself. “I just mean, they’ve always encouraged me to do whatever makes my heart happy.”
“And being in PR makes your heart happy?” I ask, incredulous. Maybe it’s judgmental, but I’d go out of my mind being trapped behind a desk all day like she is.
“Maybe happy is a strong word,” she says, taking a nervous sip on her drink. But the pay is good and usually this job treats me pretty well. Especially the Macaws — they’re good employers and I like the challenges of the stuff they get me to do. Plus, I like having time outside work to do things that really matter to me.”
“You have time outside work?” I raise both eyebrows. I’ve never seen her do anything else except work. One time, she almost brushed me off for a Zumba class, but I made her come and get me instead.
“Well, usually I do — when I’m not too busy chasing around British boys who think they’re the center of the universe.”
She laughs, but I still feel a sting of guilt. It’s all my fault that her job has been so awful recently. No wonder she can’t wait to get rid of me. When I go, she can have her life back and return to all those things she wants to do that I’ve been standing in the way of.
“Come to dinner,” she says as suddenly as whiplash. “On Thursday. With my parents. At their house.”
I stare at her and blink as I process what she’s saying. “You want me to come to your family dinner?”
She hesitates, her plush lips wobbling as if she's doubting the offer she’s making. But she doesn’t take it back. “Yes,” she says decisively. “Come to my parents for family dinner.”
“Why?” I ask, drawing the syllable out suspiciously. There has to be a catch.
Unless this is her way of telling me she cares. My heart thuds in my chest at the possibility.
“Because I want you to. Because you’ll enjoy it. And so will my brother Chris. He’s six years younger than me, and even though he acts like a little terror, he’s got a heart of gold. And he loves soccer. So, having a real famous soccer player in the house will give me sister points.”
“Oh, I see, I see,” I say, slumping back in my chair and shifting the gear back into teasing. “You just want me for family cred.”
“Of course,” she laughs.
And just like that, anything genuine in our conversation vanishes. It’s like being trapped in a fishbowl, this emotion that’s threatening to make me explode. I’m tapping on the glass, shouting at the top of my lungs for her to notice me, trying to shout anything real at all. But no sound is coming out, so all I can do is keep swimming, entertaining everyone by being what they expect me to be.
“So you'll come?” she asks, suddenly uncertain, like she’s realizing she’s going to really, really regret this.
I answer before I can chicken out. “Yeah, all right, why not? What time?”
“We usually eat around six thirty, so maybe come over at six?”
“Deal,” I say. “And Olivia?”
“Yeah?” She looks at me with wide, sad eyes, like she’s expecting something.
I freeze. But I have to say something. I can’t say nothing, not this time. I can’t be a coward again. “Thank you,” I say gently. “This means a lot. I’ve never really had a family.”
“You’ll be welcome,” she says with a smile.
It’s only when I lie down and shut my eyes that night that I realize exactly what I’ve agreed to. Family dinner. She wants me to meet her family. It’s almost like she wants me to be part of it.
