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My heart squeezes. I wish those words were true. I wish I was completely his and that he was completely mine. His wedding list pops into my head, and I sigh. It’s just another reminder that we’ll never be together, not properly.
We stop at the docks, where Chains and Mac are waiting. Chains throws his arm around my shoulder. “You look sad, what’s up?”
“Hangover,” I mutter, and he smiles.
“I was just giving Mac some abuse about keeping you out until late.”
“We were just talking,” I say defensively, mainly because I don’t want Vinn to think anything happened between us.
Chains smirks, nudging into me. “Yeah, sure. I know what you’re like.” It’s said in a playful tone, but I’m instantly pissed off.
“Jesus Christ,” I hiss, “I don’t drop my knickers for every man I meet, yah know!”
Chains looks taken aback. “I was kidding.”
“You’ve already talked shit about me, telling Mac I don’t do relationships. How would you even fucking know? Just because I didn’t want to settle for you, doesn’t mean I’m gonna be like that with everyone. And just because you’ve been in my bed, doesn’t mean you fucking know me.”
“What’s crawled up your arse?” asks Chains, confused.
“I’m so sick of men!” I snap, storming away from them.
I find a quiet spot looking out over the choppy waters and sit down, dangling my feet over the edge. The dark, murky abyss below suddenly looks inviting, and I shake my head to clear the fog. Maybe I should move on. I came here with Chains because I wanted to settle in a safe place, and the Kings Reapers have been that for over a year now. I have a good amount of savings in my bank, still not as much as I’d like but enough to set me up in a new place.
Ten minutes have passed when Chains joins me, lowering himself beside me and looking over the edge at the water below. “Sorry,” he says.
“Me too.”
“You wanna talk about it?” He never asks me this question. It’s become normal for me to listen to him and some of the other brothers. When he was avoiding Leia, it was me he turned to for advice, and when Riggs discovered he had prostate cancer, it was me who sat in his office late at night and spoke with him. I’m the one who gives advice and listens to their problems. But they’re men, so they never think to ask if I’m okay, and when they do, it isn’t because they really want to know, it’s just an empty question.
“Am I a club whore?” I ask.
Chains furrows his brow. “No.”
“But I’m not ol’ lady material?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know.”
“I’m not. None of the guys think I am.”
“Where’s all this coming from?”
“I guess I’m feeling like it’s time to settle down. I’m sick of being on my own.”
“You’re never on your own . . . you have us.”
“You know what I mean, Chains. I want what you and Leia have, or Riggs and Anna. I’m sick of being alone. I want to feel special and loved.”
“You know I love you, Raven. You’re my best friend, and if you’re unhappy, then I am too. I'll find you a suitable man, if that’s what you want.”
I laugh. “I don’t trust you with such an important job.”
“Hey, I’m a good judge of character. Obviously, he won’t be as good-looking as me, but you can’t have everything.”
“You don’t know my type,” I point out.
“Anyone who looks like me,” he says, shrugging.
“You’re not my type,” I protest.
