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He smiles. “I meant in the bar pulling pints.”
I lean down to kiss him on the cheek, and his hand slips in mine. “I would’ve saved you, yah know. You and Ivy. You just had to ask.”
“I know,” I whisper, gently running my free hand over his cheek. “But it wouldn’t have been fair to you.”
“I take it Grizz is the father.” I give a nod. “I always wondered why you wouldn’t stay away from that club.”
I decide to pop over to Mum’s seeing as I’m in the area. I’ve only been gone half an hour, so I’m sure Grizz hasn’t noticed I’ve left the clubhouse yet. I need her to know how angry I am for everything she’s done to me, and then I’m walking away. For good.
When I step inside, the first thing I notice is how clean everything looks. The hall carpet has been hoovered and is no longer littered with cigarette ash, crumbs, and other debris. I frown, glancing into the kitchen as I pass and seeing it’s spotless.
I find Mum sitting in the living room, staring into space. “Mum?” She jumps in fright, but when she sees it’s me, she dives up and throws her arms around me. I’m so shocked, I don’t respond. “I’ve been so worried,” she cries. “I had no idea how to get in contact with you. How’s Ivy?”
I bristle at her words, stepping from her arms. “That’s why I’m here.”
“Oh shit, don’t tell me they’ve taken her into care, Lu.” I shake my head, and she sags in relief.
“She came home today.”
“Oh my god, I’ve been so stressed.”
“You have no idea what the last few days have been like for me,” I say, rolling my eyes. “In fact, you have no idea how you’ve fucked my life up.”
She lowers into her seat and buries her face in her hands. “I do. I know I’ve messed up over and over.”
“Messed up?” I repeat, scoffing. “You ruined my life, Mum. Thanks to you, I’ve lost my daughter.”
She looks up. “But you said?—”
“Grizz is making my life very difficult. He’s treating me like I’m a risk to my own kid, and I don’t know if he’ll fight me for permanent custody. All I wanted to do was be a good mum to her, and you fucked it up for me.”
“If I could change it, I would. Nate said he was doing it because he cared.”
“So, he did call social services on me?” I ask, even though I’d guessed as much.
“I sent him away, Luna. I told him not to come back.” Nate has always been the favourite child, but I could never work out if it was because she was terrified of him or she just preferred him over me. “I realised if I didn’t get him out of our lives, he’d make sure you ended up exactly like me.”
I groan, rubbing my hands over my face. “I already am, Mum, don’t you see it? I’ve been living your life since I was eleven years old.” When I look at her, I notice silent tears rolling down her cheeks. “Why did you make me do that stuff?”
“We needed the money,” she whispers.
“Bullshit. I need money, but it doesn’t mean I’d ever sell my daughter to strangers.”
“I haven’t always made the right decisions,” she admits.
I laugh, and it’s cold and empty. “Tell me one good decision you made.”
“Having you,” she says, swiping her tears away.
“No,” I yell, “that was the worst decision you ever made. You brought me into this world and made my life hell. You were supposed to protect me.”
“Nate said the same,” she mutters, staring at the ground. “He was so angry.”
“You weren’t fit to have kids. I would’ve been better off in care than with you.”
“You see, Nate wouldn’t leave,” she continues as if I haven’t spoken. “He just kept yelling at me and then . . . and then he . . . he was going to hurt me,” she says, finally raising her gaze to me. “And I saw it in his eyes, that same look men get when they’re too lost. He was high and drunk, and I think he would have . . . maybe he didn’t know it was me. Maybe he was so lost, he didn’t see I was his mother.” I’m frozen to the spot, listening to her rambling. “And I didn’t know what to do. He was so close, and I was terrified. It was one hit . . . maybe two. And he just went down.” She begins to cry.
“What are you talking about?”
