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My father watched me, his stare interrupted when he took a bite of his food. Silverware clanked against the plates, the sound a replacement for our usual conversation. The blinds on thewindows were closed, but it was obvious that it was pitch dark outside.
He interrupted the silence with a question. “How are you?”
My eyes remained down on my food, looking at the cream sauce I’d made from scratch. “Fine.” Now that I was seated at the table without a preoccupation, I was left to think about the man I’d lost. Was he home right now? Or was he out on the town, forgetting me?
He stopped eating his dinner even though he’d only eaten half of it. Maybe he didn’t really like it. Or maybe his obsession with his body-fat percentage was more important. I noticed that trait in the men from this world, the desperation to be as trim and strong as possible, like it made them more intimidating. Axel wasn’t intimidating…just sexy. “It’s been a week since I’ve seen you. I expected you to feel better.”
“Sorry to disappoint you,” I said with my head down.
“You’re the one who chose to leave, sweetheart.”
“Trust me, it’s not because I wanted to.” I finally lifted my chin and set down my fork, tired of poking at my food like I was panning for gold.
He watched me, his hands together on his lap, legs crossed.
I looked out the window, feeling the hot burn of tears behind my eyes. The last thing I wanted to do was cry in front of my father, to let him see me cry over a man who’d dumped me for someone else, but I didn’t have a mother to embrace me with open arms, to let me cry on her shoulder as she rubbed my back. My father and I were close, but we didn’t talk about this sort of thing. I took a couple breaths to steady my emotions, but I feltthe moisture creep toward the backs of my eyes like an incoming tide. “He’s the love of my life.” I felt my bottom lip tremble when I said those words, and it took several seconds to steady it before I continued. I looked so ugly when I cried, and I didn’t want my father to see that. I only wanted him to know the poised version of me, the strong version of me. “I’ll never love anyone the way I love him. But…I just can’t get past it.”
His eyes immediately dropped, probably because he didn’t want to watch the tears break loose and streak down my face.
“He makes me so happy, and everything feels so right…but then the memory creeps in. The way he walked past our table. The way he pulled out the chair for her. The way he poured her a glass of wine before he filled his own. The way she blatantly flirted with him right in front of me at that party…and then he fucked her.” I felt the tears break through, rivers down my cheeks that met the shores of my lips. “The way he replaced me…just like that.” I breathed for several seconds, forcing myself to calm down so the tears would dry before I continued to speak.
His eyes remained locked on the table.
“And I didn’t hear from him again. Like he forgot about me…” An apology from him wasn’t enough. A declaration of his fidelity wasn’t enough, even though I believed he would keep that promise. “I know this makes me sound like a stupid woman, but I believe he wouldn’t hurt me again. He told me he loves me, and I believe him. But it’s just not enough.” I reached for the linen and dabbed my face, wiping the old tears from my cheeks.
He was still as a statue, visibly uncomfortable, his jaw clenched slightly.
Ashamed of my weakness, I looked between the partially open blinds over the window and stared at the lights that peeked through. If I could erase the last five minutes of the conversation, I would. But it was done.
After a long pause, he broke the silence. “I didn’t know you felt that way.”
I slowly turned back to him. “We don’t really talk about this sort of thing.”
His eyes lifted to meet mine. “His past doesn’t bother you? I think that’s a bigger issue than the infidelity.”
“It’s not true.”
“What makes you so sure?”
“I…” I didn’t have evidence. I only had his word. “Because I know him. He would never…” I shook my head. “There was never a time in our relationship when I felt unsafe or manipulated. He’s—he’s the best.”
My father gave a slight nod. “I’m not one to give relationship advice since I’ve never really been in one, but it sounds like…” He hesitated, taking a slow breath and letting it go. “It sounds like he’s an upstanding man who just made a mistake. If you love this man and believe in his reformed integrity, you should make it work. Remember that you’re already married, you’ve already committed, so it’s worth the effort.”
His words surprised me enough to lull me into seconds of silence. “I thought you said he wasn’t good enough for me.”
“What I think doesn’t matter, sweetheart.”
“You’ve always told me I deserve a man who will give me the world. If he cheated on me, how could you encourage me to pursue the relationship? I only married him because I had to. If I’d had a choice in the matter, it never would have happened.”
He rested one arm on the table and stared at it for a while. The silence lasted so long, it seemed like he hadn’t heard everything I’d just said. Then he finally lifted his strong gaze and looked at me. “Axel and I haven’t always gotten along, but I can’t deny the depth of his feelings for you. The feelings you expressed to me…are very much reciprocated. While I don’t condone what happened in the past…” He paused, dropping his gaze back to his arm for a few seconds before he looked at me again. “I do believe that love deserves a second chance. Real love doesn’t come easy, and if you really have it, don’t let it go.”
His words left me speechless. He wasn’t a romantic guy who rooted for relationships. He saw the world in black and white, right and wrong, and based on my feelings, he would normally knock Axel’s teeth out. But he’d said something else entirely, something that dug deep under my skin and spread.
He cleared his throat, his declaration of a subject change. “I’ve decided to grant you the loan for the restaurant. I think it’ll be nice for you to have something that’s just yours.”
“Oh…I already got a loan from the bank.”
“Why?” His voice changed, hardening like our previous emotional conversation hadn’t just taken place.
