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“What broke?” Carly sat up, knowing the answer before the question had left her lips. She hoped he was referring to something—anything—other than what she thought.
“The condom. It broke.” Justin’s face was as white and waxy as it had been after he was shot. “Oh, fuck. Fuck!”
“Justin, calm down.” His panic was more alarming than the possible consequences.
“I can’t calm down! It’s—”
“Justin,” Carly said, her voice low and firm.
He stopped and took a deep breath. He dropped his head into his hands, his fingers buried in his tousled hair. “God, Carly, I am so sorry.”
“There’s no reason to be sorry,” she said. She didn’t know why he was so frantic. Odds were she wouldn’t get pregnant from one accident. Some couples had to try for years. She needed to calm him down so he could think rationally about it, and then he would see there was no need to panic yet.
“Yes, there is. I should have waited until we had backup contraception.”
“It’s not like you had to coax me into it.” She pointed out the obvious. “I was more than willing, so it’s as much my fault as yours.” She put her arms around his shoulders, and he swore.
“We can fix this. We can fix this.” He stood and strode out of the room, and she saw him scoop up a pair of sweatpants from the floor and practically jump into them before heading out of the back door. What on earth is he doing? Carly went into the bathroom to clean up and came back to find him standing in the bedroom with a packet of birth control pills in his hand.
“A little late for that, don’t you think?” she said. She kept her voice calm and steady, though a bit of his anxiety was beginning to affect her. After all, Justin knew more about this medical stuff than she did. What if he knows something I don’t? What if—
“Taking several of these is the equivalent of the morning-after pill.” He had the factsheet that came with the pills and peered at it intently. He found the information he wanted and held a finger beneath it. He closed one eye and moved it closer then further away. With an exasperated growl, he handed it to her. “Please, read that part to me.”
He began to pop the pills out of their little plastic bubbles before she had finished reading. “With this brand, three should do it.” He glanced from the packet back to her face. “When is your period due, honey?”
She blushed a little. “About two weeks. I’m not always regular, though.”
Justin closed his eyes and swore softly.
“What?”
He shook his head and gave a small, humorless laugh. “This couldn’t have happened at a worse time.”
“If I take the pills...”
“They’re seventy-five percent effective.”
Carly felt the bottom drop out of her stomach. “Oh, God.” She looked at the pills in his palm and grimaced. “Justin, I get as sick as a dog taking one of those, let alone multiple pills.”
“Which would you rather have: nausea or pregnancy?” His words were clipped and terse.
He was right. How could they bring a baby into this world of uncertainty? But a vision of a little boy with Justin’s dark eyes flitted through her mind, and the wave of longing she felt was so intense it surprised her.
She looked up to meet Justin’s eyes, which were silently begging her to take the pills. He knew the risk, the danger, the uncertainty. Still, her heart ached a little, even as she nodded.
She held out her hand, and he dropped the pills into her palm.
“Carly?”
“Mmph.”
“Carly?”
She groaned. “What?”
“Get up, honey. It’s time to go.”
Carly sat up slowly. Her hair hung in her face but she didn’t have the energy to push it away. She was miserable. Justin had fried some eggs for breakfast and the whole house reeked of it. She couldn’t even take a deep breath to try to calm her stomach. Everything stank. The bed stank of the fabric softener used on the sheets. Her clothes smelled awful. When Sam bounded up to her for his morning petting, she gagged from his stench of dog and the sharp scent of outside air that clung to his fur.
