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“I think I’m going into labor now,” Carly told him and was pleased by how steady and composed her voice sounded. Inside, she was a jangle of nerves. “My water broke.”
“Oh, my God. Oh, my God.” Justin ran his hands through his hair. “You need to lie down!”
“Justin, I’m fine!” Carly protested, but he wasn’t listening to her as he began his preparations. He’d had the supplies in place for weeks, sterilized and stored in plastic containers under the bed.
Despite his protests that she should be lying down or at least sitting, Carly helped him get out all of the supplies and prepare the room. They covered the mattress with a tarp, then put a set of comfortable sheets over it, and moved the pillows so Carly would be lying on the bed horizontally, making it easier for him to reach her. He patted the bed, and Carly lay down, propped up against the pillows.
“I need to check you, honey, and see how far you’ve dilated.”
Having Justin look at her in a clinical manner was somehow a little uncomfortable. Carly propped her knees up as he requested and concentrated on the canopy above their bed.
Carly ran over the list of things they’d need one last time in her head. Justin had done really well on his scavenging mission to town and had gotten nearly everything on the first trip. She hadn’t said anything when she discovered the scalpel he had hidden at the bottom of the supply box. He had cleaned everything obsessively, first boiling the instruments in sterilized water and then soaking them in alcohol. He cleaned everything again before he used them. The smell of alcohol stung her nose, and she heard the snap of latex as he donned a pair of gloves.
“You’re doing just fine, just fine.” Justin’s voice was soft and lulling, though she could see how his hands shook. After he checked her, he laid down beside her, propped up on her pillows. “Only about four centimeters—early stages yet. Have you had any more contractions?”
Carly thought about it. “They’re more like cramps, so I don’t know if that’s a contraction or not.”
“How far apart?”
“I... um... I forgot to time them.” Carly felt like smacking her forehead. Reading all of those baby books and then forgetting the most basic thing.
“Just tell me when you’re having them, and I’ll take care of it.” He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers. “I love you, Carly.”
“I love you, too, Justin. Please don’t worry. I’m fine. Healthy as a horse.” She snuggled against his side and tried to reassure him with a smile. “And speaking of horses, you already have experience with delivering babies, right?”
He gave a faint smile at her attempt at teasing, though his eyes were still worried.
“There’s another one.”
He checked the mantle clock, which he’d brought up from the living room for the purpose of timing contractions.
If this was what having a baby was like, Carly thought, she was going to handle it well. She even dozed for a while between contractions. The contractions grew worse over the afternoon, but it wasn’t until early evening they actually became painful. She tried to be brave, tried to be tough so she wouldn’t worry Justin any worse than he already was, but by nightfall, she couldn’t help crying out when they seized her. Every time, he would wince like he felt it, too.
“Did you get any drugs?” she asked when the pain became more or less continuous. “An epidural, heroin, anything?”
“I’m sorry, Carly,” Justin’s eyes pleaded for understanding. “It could be dangerous. God, you don’t know how much I wish I could—”
It was a risk she was willing to take at that point. She’d been prepared for pain and intended to be as stoic as possible when enduring it, but it hurt. She panted and tried to force herself into the breathing pattern they’d practiced, but whenever a fresh wave of pain hit her, she’d forget to breathe entirely. And just when she thought it couldn’t get any worse, it did. A scream wrenched from her throat, and her head fell back against her pillows. “Justin, I can’t... I can’t do this!” she babbled, though she knew it was stupid, even as she said it. She didn’t have much of a choice in the matter.
Justin leaned up and kissed her. “Yes, you can. You’re tougher than I could ever hope to be, Carly. You can do this.”
“It hurts!”
“I know, honey. I know. We’re going to get through this, Carly. You’re doing great.” His hair stood up in all directions from the number of times he’d run his hands through it, and his eyes were wide in his haggard face, but he smiled at her, or at least he tried to. It looked more like a grimace, and she wasn’t sure if it was just his stress at seeing her in pain or if there was something wrong.
“I need to push,” she said as she panted.
“Not yet, honey.”
“I can’t... I have to...”
He locked his eyes on hers. “Soon, honey. Come on. Take my hand.”
She gripped it, hard. Her teeth were clenched so tightly, she worried she might break one. She tried to remind herself to remain calm for his sake, but the thought was blown away like a leaf on the wind when another wave of pain tore through her. “Justin... I...” She groaned and tossed her head.
“I know, honey, it’s okay. I promise everything is okay.” She could tell from the too-relaxed tone of his voice he was trying not to worry her, as well. Her laugh turned into a moan she couldn’t hold back.
It seemed like forever before he told her she could push. She did, groaning and straining. Tears leaked from her eyes, and sweat popped out on her forehead.
