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He lets out a throaty laugh and I can’t help the small giggle that slips from me. Why does it have to be so easy with him? With all the bullshit aside and when it’s just me and Raze, we’re almost perfect.
He pulls down the long gravel road and I turn in my seat with a beaming smile. “Again?”
He nods. “Again, because if you are quite over gawking at me, you actually had something you wanted to ask me?” he questions with a grin, pulling into the lookout he took me to a month ago.
“Shit.” My smile drops slightly. “Yeah, there is.”
Once we reach the dead-end and the bright sparkling lights of Las Vegas are lighting up the dark foggy night, I unclick my seatbelt and reach for the door handle. His hand grips onto my arm and electricity zips through his and into me.
“Hold up!” he says, reaching towards the back as I calm down my flushing heat. “Here.” He throws me a dark suit jacket. “Wrap this around you.”
I smile weakly at him, taking the jacket. “Thanks.” Pulling in deep breaths, all while mentally slapping down the lustful side of me, I push open the door, wrapping the suit jacket around myself tighter. My eyes close as I turn and kick the door closed. His smell is going to kill me one day. I inhale long and deep, sucking up every little scent in the wood, musky smell, so much that I can almost taste the smell on the tip of my tongue before spinning around to face Raze, who is already rounding his side of the car and walking to the hood. I follow, rounding my side and leaning against the car. Popping a chicken nugget in my mouth, I ask, “Why are you doing it?”
“Why am I doing… what?” he asks, taking his eyes off the city and bringing them to me.
“Why are you marrying her?” I ask, handing him the nuggets.
He takes one out and drops it into his mouth. Shaking his head, he says, “I’m not.”
“What, so she lied?” I scoff.
He removes his hat and it’s the first time I can see his new hairdo, and I almost faint it looks that hot. His glistening golden skin shimmers off the city lights while his dark blond hair contrasts with it. The top is full of messy spikes, now. It looks ridiculously hot.
“No,” he says, pulling my brain out of its pervy state. “As far as she knows, we are. But we’re not.”
“Well,” I say, taking the bag of nuggets from him. “That’s not confusing at all.”
“Wait.” The palm of his rough hand connects with my arm and I feel that same electrical current. “I don’t want her. I’ve never fucking wanted her, Millie.”
“Coulda fooled me.” I pull my arm out of his intense hold and look towards the city, pretending that I’m not affected by his presence. My sister and I are much alike in some ways, but if a man makes me feel special, and I mean special like Raze did, there’s no wonder I got hurt. He had me sleep with him every night. We shared stuff between us. Maybe that’s my own fault for reading too much into his actions. Maybe I was being too naïve, or maybe I’m just dumb when it comes to him, but he still made me feel special and then ripped it away by sleeping with Cassia the morning after he made love to me.
That hurt, and I’ll be damned if I let him walk away from that decision with just a slap on the wrist. Not that he has said outright that he wants to be with me, but I can at least make this hard for him by one: not letting him kiss me, and two: by definitely not letting him make love to me again.
“I fucking told you, you had to trust what I was doing, Millie. The type of shit I do, which by the way you know a lot about, doesn’t have any room for error. I can’t have distractions.”
I whip my head towards him. “Is that what I was? A distraction?” I seethe. “You fucking bought me…”
“No, that’s not what I meant, so stop jumping to fucking conclusions and let me finish.” I raise my eyebrows, gesturing for him to continue. “What I’m saying is, there’s a plan and I still need to follow that.”
“Can you tell me about it?” I ask.
“I can tell you some of it, yes.”
“Okay.” I soften, not about what he’s done, but just towards him in general. “So, Shelby…”
He pauses. I can see in the corner of my eye how he’s watching me closely. “I know, Raze. I recognized her voice tonight when she came into the clubhouse.” I bite off some nugget and swallow. “I didn’t know what to do.” I turn to find him searching my eyes closely. “Gosh, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t owe you shit but yet here I am, always having your back. Why is it that when my loyalty pieces fall, they fall to fit a puzzle of you?”
He exhales, a small smile coming onto his mouth before his jaw ticks under its flexing. “I don’t know, pet, ‘cause I sure as fuck don’t deserve it.”
“Anyway.” I change my tone. “I want to know about her.”
He watches me. “That’s probably one of the things I shouldn’t talk to you about.”
I roll my eyes. “Raze, I have no control over my actions when it comes to you. I fear who I would throw under the bus if it comes to protecting you and it’s fucking frustrating for me because I can’t help it!”
I drop my arms and grip onto the hood with my hands. He pushes off the car, walking directly in front of me until my beautiful sight of the city lights is a mere spotlight behind his form. His hand grips around my chin as his thumb caresses over my bottom lip. My eyes close as I exhale a shaky breath.
“I won’t give in, Raze. I can’t. You hurt me.” I pause, swallowing down the churn of emotions which are threatening to spill out of me. “I gave you the only part of me that could feel any emotions and you shattered it instead of taking care of it.” His caressing pauses so I slowly open my eyes and it’s then that I notice my eyes are wet, just as a single tear drops and trickles down my cheek.
