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“Is that all?” he growls, squeezing the phone so hard you see the whites of his knuckles.?
“Yes, have a good evening son, talk to you soon.” He laughs through the speaker and the line goes dead.?
“Jay, you better start explaining yourself,” I snap, punching him in the shoulder. He turns and growls.?
“For one: that man needs to stop referring to Jade as my sister. I did the DNA test, and it came back negative. I just haven’t told him yet. I need more information about it before I show him my hand. Two: in order to get Jaxon back, the deal was that I needed to kill big John on Christmas Day. But clearly that didn’t happen, and our little creature took care of that for me, fuck.” He slams his phone down on the couch.?
“You know what this means, right?” Ri chimes in. I know what it fucking means; spiral central all over again.?
“I know,” Jay states. Pushing his fists against his head.?
“I refuse to watch her spiral again. I can’t survive another break.” My phone beeps and I flip it over and look at the notification.
“It’s the tracker. She’s back at the Academy and it looks like she’s in her room.” I quip, looking at the guys.?
“Let’s roll.” Ri commands. I look around the room. How are we going to clean this up? I don’t want to leave it like this, especially the dogs. Fuck. I pull at my hair because this is such fucking bullshit. I’ll figure this out later, I need to see her first.
We exit the house and climb into the SUV and head back to the Academy. I do not know what to expect from her or the condition of the school. All I know is that I need a hot shower and some cuddle time with my girl for like a week. My body aches from the brutality of the beating I took. I know my brothers are hurting, too. I see them wince now and then, but they will never admit it. The car ride is quiet and short. As we roll through the gates and down the long road, the atmosphere feels eerie, like the calm after the storm. Ri clears his throat.?
“I wonder what we are going to walk into with Jade?” He says with worry in his tone.
“I feel the same way. I’m not sure if we are going to get broken Jade or the Blood Queen,” I state with a sneer.?
“Blood Queen is a creature of darkness. She’s amazing. Don’t knock it until you try it.” Jay smiles showcasing the dimple Jade is a simp for.?
“You do realize this is your fault, right?” Dario snaps and I grunt.?
“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” Jay claps back with a raised brow.?
“You opened Pandora’s box of Hell. If it weren’t for you, most of this shit would have never happened. She would have broken, like she should have, instead of spiraled,” I answer.
“He’s right, you wouldn’t let her break. You kept pushing and pushing and molded her into your little blood puppet.” Ri says through gritted teeth, tightening his fist on the steering wheel.
“Bullshit, I just wanted her to overcome the trauma, not sink into it.” Jay retorts.?
“But the complete opposite happened, asshole. She didn’t overcome the trauma, she let it run her life. She tried to numb her feelings, it led her to drugs and ordering us to die, amongst all the other shit. For every fucking action, there is a consequence and now we are all suffering for it because of you and your little games.” I say, exasperated.
“Whatever, one day you both will thank me instead of being little bitches about it.” He growls. My phone pings. I take it out and look at the notification. It’s the tracker again. Opening up the app, I see she’s down by the river. Another notification comes in and the tracker circle is blinking.
“Jay, why would the tracker blink? I’ve never seen that before,” I ask. Why would she be down at the river? It’s fucking freezing outside.
“It shouldn’t blink, it would either be green for live tracking or black for the tracker to be offline, which is impossible, especially for how close we are to her. It only did that when you both were in Bangor,” he states, taking out his phone to look for himself.?
“It’s blinking from green to black and jumping all over the river. What the fuck is going on?” I say, panic laced in my tone.?
“Something isn’t right. Get us to the lake, Ri.” I demand. My mind starts to pull me back to those memories of being pushed under the water, begging for air. As my chest begins to burn, the Academy comes into view pulling me from my own thoughts. There’s nothing but destruction, bodies are lying on the snow-covered ground, but right now I don’t care. I just want to get to her. I need to know that she’s ok, and it’s just a glitch in the app.?
“Fuck it, the Academy is in ruins. It’ll be faster if I drive down there.” Ri decides, taking us over the curb and down the hill. He skids to a stop, sliding down the hill a little and what I see has my heart leaping from my chest. NO! I throw the door open and just run. I don’t wait for them to catch up when I see Jade’s body floating in the river about twenty yards out. I don’t stop, I keep running, my feet feeling like lead as they hit the water, sinking into the murky sand. I have to keep going. The water continues rising up my body the further I go. The water splashes my face, it’s freezing, making it hard to breathe, let alone move. This can’t be happening. Why? Why would she take the easy way out and leave me? Leave us? I don’t think, I just keep moving. The water rises to my shoulders. Fuck, I can’t touch the bottom. I can’t get to her. I don’t know how to swim. Flashbacks start flooding in, and I begin to panic, my head goes underwater and suddenly, I’m fighting for air, but I’m too weak to yell. My lungs feel like they’re burning even though the water is like ice. His voice taunts me “You’re nothing but the load your cunt of a mother should have swallowed.” I manage to get my head above water, gasping for breath. I just need to get to Jade. “You won’t save her; you can’t even save yourself.” I don’t know how long she’s been in the water, but I can’t fucking reach her. Fuck! He’s right. I close my eyes to focus on my breathing, but I just keep seeing myself all those years ago being held down in the water by my father, thrashing beneath the surface. Begging for him to stop, knowing he couldn’t hear me. I try to blink away the memory, but his taunts keep coming. “It should have been you I killed, not your brother, you’re weak and useless.” I can’t catch my breath. Suddenly I see flashes of Harper’s little body floating in the bathtub, thrashing under the water, suffering the way I used to. Her blonde hair moving with the flow of the water. In my head, I’m still that stuck little boy screaming inside, begging for air; screaming for Mi Madre. It’s too fucking much. Now the girl I cannot live without is floating two feet in front of me and I can’t get to her, I can’t fucking swim! My chest is tight, fighting for a deep breath, but nothing. I turn to try to scream, hoping one of them sees my panic. Ri grabs me, “I got you, brother.” I turn to see Jay grabbing Jade and a little relief fills my chest. They both drag us back to the shoreline. What did I do in this life to deserve all the people I love to die by drowning. Why? I lay my head on the sand, trying to get a hold of myself. My head is a fucking mess as I sit up and look at Jay.?
“Does she have a pulse?” I ask, I know he can hear the fear in my voice. Jay feels her heart, her lips are blue, and her skin is pale. She’s freezing.?
“I-I can’t feel her heart.” He presses on her chest, but his face drops. “I-I need to see if she will b-bleed, if she can bleed, then there’s hope.” He stammers, taking out a knife and slicing slowly down the outside of her arm.?
“No blood. There’s no fucking blood! No, no, no s-she can’t be gone. I won’t fucking accept it! Help m-me, Reid, I don’t know what the fuck to do.”?
“Ri, tilt her head and blow two breaths while I give her compressions. Jay, try to warm her limbs, but not too fast. It will put her body in shock, and we don’t need her heart going into respiratory distress. So slowly bring the warmth back.” They both nod. Ri takes a deep breath and blows into her mouth, and I watch her chest rise. I start my thirty compressions, trying not to push down so hard that I break her ribs. I hover over her and watch, praying that she will wake abruptly and spill the water trapped in her lungs. I count aloud, please baby don’t leave me, I can’t survive in this shitty world without you. Please just take a breath.
“Thirty.” I breathe. Ri takes a deep breath and blows into her mouth. I watch her chest rise and fall. I start compressions again, counting aloud.?I’m begging you Jade, come back to me. Please, I love you, I love you so fucking much, come back, don’t leave like this. We can fix this; we will make it better.
