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I whirled around to see Rory behind me, wearing jean shorts and a red sparkly tank top. My mouth went dry. Oh. She’d been out. Her legs were long and shiny, and I remembered the feel of them wrapped around my hips. Her hair was flowing over her shoulders and I knew just what it smelled like, even though she was currently too far away for me to catch the scent. She was armed. She was the shrapnel lodged in my skin. She was so beautiful it hurt me.
She tipped her head, watching me with those canary blue eyes I was scared would haunt me for the rest of my life. They’d follow me to work, to sleep, to any rock I tried to burrow under. To the ends of the earth. To Jupiter. London certainly wasn’t safe, nowhere would be. “Are you…okay? You look ill. What are you doing here?”
I put my hands in the pockets of my khakis. “I just…ah, came to wish you happy Independence Day and ah, you know say…Let freedom ring.”
She paused, looking both confused and leery and also somehow slightly amused. “You could have texted that to me. There’s even this cool feature that will produce fireworks when the text is opened. I would have appreciated that. It would have been nice to hear from you.”
“Yeah, I should have. Texted you. Sorry. Work was…” I squinted up at the sky as though looking for more of those fireworks that had lit up the dark earlier. Maybe they’d spell out the words I didn’t seem to be able to find. But no luck. The sky remained dark, the only movement the slow blink of a star. I waited a moment, hoping it was celestial Morse code, but then remembered I didn’t know how to read that anyway. I returned my eyes to her and nodded at her sparkly top. “Did you, ah, celebrate?”
She moved past me, removing a key as she walked. I turned as she stuck it in the lock, my heart thudding in my chest. “I went to Haven’s.”
Haven’s. “Oh, that’s great. That’s good. I’m glad.” She pushed the door open and some kind of panic sluiced in my gut and I pulled in a breath, kicking at the edging that lined Faith’s walkway.
Rory turned, standing in the doorway, the porch light shining down and making light and shadow dance over her face and her body. She crossed her arms under her breasts. “What’s wrong, Gage?”
I blew out a long breath, that spinning taking up again. I had this desperate need to hold onto something, but I didn’t know what.
I’m in love with you. And it doesn’t matter.
Oh, God, no. No. Was that true? It couldn’t be. I needed to go. I needed to figure this out. There was a solution to this. A cure. Someone must have a cure. “Nothing’s wrong. I just…I wanted to see you.”
“Well, here I am.”
I let out a breathy laugh that ended on a sigh. “Yes. There you are.” You’re more than I hoped for, and nothing I expected. And you’re turning me inside out and making everything far too hard when my life’s always been nothing but easy.
Or maybe it wasn’t. Maybe I’d been pretending. Going through the motions.
Existing.
Living out someone else’s dream.
She considered me again for a few moments. “Do you want to come in—”
“Yes.” I moved toward her and she opened the door wider so we could both enter. I followed her through Faith’s house. “Is Faith out?”
“Yes. She went to Kennebunkport with Jarrett for the holiday. They’ll be back tomorrow.”
“Oh. Okay.”
I followed her down a hall, to a closed door at the end. Rory turned suddenly, taking me off guard, and causing me to step back. “Can you stay there for just a minute?”
“Uh, sure.”
She gave a nod, opened the door and squeezed through a crack, and then shut it quickly. I heard her scurrying around, probably picking up clothes, and sprucing it up. When she opened the door a few minutes later, I smiled. “Rory, I don’t care if your room’s a mess.”
She gave a small laugh as she stepped aside so I could enter. “I didn’t expect company,” she said. “I don’t want you to think I’m a slob.”
I looked around. She’d obviously put forth some effort to straighten up the room, but the bed was still half made, and I could see clothes sticking from beneath the closet door where she’d obviously haphazardly stuffed them. The tops of the nightstands were laden with water bottles and jewelry, some makeup, and a jumble of other items. But she’d propped her father’s paintings up on the dresser directly across from her bed, and her mother’s diary, and the napkin drawing sat neatly beneath them next to her purse as if she’d removed them both just now and set them back in their place of honor. Something about the whole scene made tenderness well up inside of me. It was just her. Messy and sentimental and flighty and…passionate. “I don’t think you’re a slob,” I said, which was far too inadequate but the best I could currently do.
I moved to where she stood, stepping right up to her and inhaling. Her scent calmed me and made the confusion die down to a simmer. She gazed up at me, looking slightly wary. I didn’t want her to look that way, not when she was with me. “I missed you,” I admitted.
Her gaze moved over my face and I saw the questions in her eyes, the confusion, and finally, some form of resignation. Whatever thoughts and doubts had flitted through her head and crossed her mind to speak, she finally settled on, “I missed you too.” It sounded like a concession, and a relief.
So many barriers between us. I wanted her, and that wasn’t fair. She made me spin, and she provided calm. I reached out and slid the strap of her top off her shoulder and then kissed the small spot it’d covered.
“I can breathe when I’m with you.” I sighed. Even to my ears, the statement had sounded sad. I supposed it was because I’d be without her soon and part of me understood that I’d never truly breathe again.
I ran my lips over her collarbone and then leaned up. She took my face in her hands, rubbing her thumbs over my cheekbones for a moment as she looked in my eyes. “I could bottle up some Rory air and send it with you to London.”
