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“You could have asked him to stay.”
I sat back and shook my head. “No. No I couldn’t do that. So many plans had already been made. So many people are depending on him. I couldn’t tear him in yet another direction. I couldn’t add another layer of pressure, Romeo. And if I did ask, and by some miracle he did stay, I couldn’t live with wondering whose choice it really was. Gage is naturally inclined to want to please people he cares about. And I love…I…respect that about him. But he’s done enough of that. I refuse to be another person making demands of him. God, look what I did to you. Look what happened to your dreams because of me. Even if the situation is different, I can’t derail someone else’s life.”
He stared at me for a moment, understanding coming into his eyes. “Ah. I see.” He turned and set another glass on the shelf. “That’s what you think? That everyone is forced to give up the life they’re meant for because of you? That you’re a dream-killer?”
Dream-killer. I couldn’t help cringing. He’d hit the nail on the head.
I didn’t want Gage to give up on his dreams. In fact, I was hoping he’d strive for his own over attempting to constantly fulfill the desires of others. But being with me would mean sacrificing the respect of his family, and that of his community as well. I couldn’t ask that of anyone, not when I had another option. I’d already done that once.
Romeo braced his hands on the bar. “That’s it, isn’t it? Loving you always involves some amount of sacrifice. Of losing.”
“It did for you,” I whispered, the terrible truth puffing from my lips like poison vapor.
“Mm,” he hummed, giving me a nod of concession that made my stomach tighten in misery. “I could be so many things other than a”—he made a face of disgust—“bartender.”
I bobbed my head in agreement. “You could be so much more.” My shoulders slumped, the weight of the sacrifice he’d made for me weighing me down. But it was good that we talk about it, wasn’t it? Even if I hadn’t exactly come back an heiress capable of sending him on that long-awaited trip around the world. “Look at you, Romeo. You could be anyone anywhere. So many doors would open for you if you stepped out of Mud Gulch.”
“What doors? Fame? Fortune?”
I shrugged. “For starters.” And maybe he still could. Maybe I could still find a way. A Plan B. An alternate route out of here for him. I just had to set this misery aside, so I could think.
“Jesus, you’re full of it.” Romeo laughed, surprising me as my gaze flew to his. “Rory, look at some of the people who already have all that. You’ve gotten an up close and personal view recently of the joy riches and clout bring. Do those people seem happier to you? Do they seem more joyful? Or even satisfied?”
“I…what? I mean, some of—”
“Regardless, I never wanted any of that.”
I stared at him in confusion. How could he not want that? It had been his plan. His dream. “But you were leaving,” I reminded him. “You had one foot out the door.” Before me. Before I made him cancel all his plans.
“Yeah and I probably would have been back in a week. I would have missed this place and these people because it’s home and I love it here.”
“You’re lying to make me feel better. And I appreciate the kindness, but, Romeo, you and I well know your face could have been your ticket in to anywhere.”
He leaned forward, giving me an up-close view of that beautiful, legendary face of his that had once caused a woman tourist to walk right off the dock into the water. “I don’t want to be loved for my face, Rory. I want to be loved for my heart and my work ethic. I want to be loved for me, same as you and everyone else on this wide green earth. And someday I’ll find that woman, whether she’s already here, or whether she’s passing through town and the mud pulls at her feet and asks her to stay.” His lips tipped. “I’ll find her and I’ll marry her and have a few kids who’ll either be pulled to stay, or pulled to leave.” He leaned forward. “And someday, this mug of mine will be dust in the ground, but the love I shared will never die because love is more than skin and bones.”
I shook my head, trying to readjust my worldview after Romeo had just given it a good shake-up.
“You thought people like your snobby ex-boyfriend Thaddeus’s opinion of this place counted for more. You accepted his take on Mud Gulch over mine. Not everyone has to aspire to some so-called fancy life, Rory. I like it here. I don’t want a life on the sea, but I love being by the water. I love waking up to the sound of the waves hitting the rocks. I love the way the lighthouse beacon cuts through the mist and directs those we love back to shore. I love the salt air and the salty women.” He grinned. “I love the foggy mornings. I love the way the mud pulls at my feet when I step outside on a rainy morning. Claiming me. Anchoring me to the earth and the generations who lived here before me. In my heart and soul, I belong here, Rory. This place brings me peace. I love this bar and the people in it. Maybe it’s not grand to you, Rory, but I never asked for that. And so you don’t get to tell me I only settled for the life I’m living when I never felt that way, not one single day.”
Romeo reached behind him and placed another glass on the shelf as I let out a harsh exhale. My God. I had put Thaddeus’s opinion of Mud Gulch and of me over the people who lived and loved in this dockside town. I was the actual snob I called everyone else. Me. “God, I’m really a screwup,” I said.
“No, you’re not a screwup. You just made some bad assumptions based on wanting the best for people you love. But people get to decide for themselves what’s best for them. And I’m sorry, but you think too much of me if you believe that anything, even an eleven-year-old orphan, would have kept me here if I wanted to go.”
“Liar,” I muttered.
“Maybe.” He grinned. “But maybe not.”
“So if you don’t want to leave Mud Gulch, what will you do? Run this bar for the rest of your life?” All my life, I’d kept this vision in my mind of Romeo, waving to us as he boarded a plane. It’d been my goal. My atonement, truth be told. And all along, it hadn’t even been necessary. No one had placed any blame on my shoulders—false or not—except for me.
“Hell yeah, I will,” he said. “And I’ll have a great time doing it.”
I started to smile, but then remembered why I could prove what he was saying was BS, whether he was delivering it with seeming candor or not. “Wait, though,” I said. “All those travel brochures in the desk drawer, for places far away—”
“All those brochures were for you, kid. You’ve always seemed so restless, searching for something that wasn’t here. I wanted to help you find what Mud Gulch could never provide. I was saving up to let you choose where to start.”
I groaned. Oh, God. I was really batting zero lately. That was why he’d put off the roof and all the other repairs this place could use. For me. Only this time, his sacrifice had been unnecessary. He’d watched as I’d constantly tried to figure out where I belonged when all along, I belonged to the people of Mud Gulch, and if that hadn’t ever been enough, it was only because of my flawed vision. Romeo was wrong on one count—I hadn’t made the wrong decision by coming back.
I glanced out the window, ashamed of the fact that I hadn’t hidden my dissatisfaction when they’d so selflessly worked hard to give me a good life here in Mud Gulch.
