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Jeremy nods with an interested grin.
“Okay, so, when we first started having sex, I was always the one who—you know—topped?”
“Topped, yes.”
I sigh my relief with not getting the terminology wrong, at least. “At first he was sort of—resistant about that—he’s straight, too—I mean, he was before.”
“Ah…”
“But then I felt like it was cool… He was cool with it. He’d always come and everything—Jesus this is too much detail, isn’t it?”
“Actually, I have a clarifying question.”
“Oh, yeah, sure.”
“When he came—would he need to be touching himself?”
“Not every time. It would just sort of depend on the position or the moment or whatever.”
“Okay, go on,” Jeremy says.
I laugh nervously. “Well, anyway, it still felt like something wasn’t quite clicking for me until we reversed things.”
“You bottomed?”
“Right. Which made so much sense for us, and I figured, this is what we were supposed to be doing because I really like it—like I think way more than he did.”
This is where Jeremy gives me a skeptical glance. “He could come without touching his cock? When you topped?”
I nod, staring at him like he’s Gay Buddha or something.
“Then I think he probably enjoyed himself. Are you saying you’re not topping him anymore?”
“Not since we switched.”
“Was this his request?”
“No.”
“Have you talked about it?”
“Not gonna lie, we’ve got a lot of other shit going on. When we talk, it’s usually not about sex.”
Drew and I have been together for two months now, and I have very few complaints. But I do have concerns. I’m borderline obsessed with keeping his interest—not like it’s waning, but I’m constantly preoccupied that it might.
This is what I get for falling for a straight guy, right? I break out in a cold sweat every time he talks to Elodie or Mallory for more than a couple of seconds. And don’t even get me started on his phone calls with Jericho.
Jeremy lights another cigarette, and I get back to work on mine. “This is hard for some men to believe, but I’m a strict top, so the appeal of bottoming is totally lost on me, but more men prefer it than not,” he says.
“Because it’s amazing,” I say like I’m trying to sell him something.
“I’m a control freak. Back home I know a few versatile couples. I think when you’re in a relationship, sex is sometimes about more than getting off. It’s about connecting. Fuck, listen to me… Can you tell I haven’t been laid in a while?”
“No.”
“Well, I haven’t. Hm…anyhow. What is it you’re asking me?”
“I don’t know,” I admit. “Just are we doing it right?”
