AllFreeNovel
Share Us
One thing we haven’t done—and it’s honestly the one thing that’s keeping me from jumping out of a window over what I’ve done—is profess love. After three years, the L word hasn’t come up.
The closest I ever came to saying it was after about four months of dating. I’d been sick, and she’d brought me lozenges, decongestants, and hot and sour soup, then she’d turned on Ocean’s Eleven, which she knew was my favorite, and tucked herself into my side with a hand slowly rubbing my sore chest.
But I worried she might think it was the virus talking, so I kept quiet.
The feeling never came back—at least, not as strong as it was that day. Don’t get me wrong, I do love her—she’s a great person, but I’m not in love with her, and I don’t know how I know the difference except to say that I’d let her go in a heartbeat if she found someone better than me. I wouldn’t fight to keep her. Honestly, I can’t see myself fighting to keep anyone, which makes me wonder if I’m capable of being in love at all. I think I’d always be like—yeah—you’re totally right to go. I’m not worth the trouble.
“So I told them nine tonight at that Italian place in Chelsea.”
“Oh, fuck yeah. Perfect. I’ve been dreaming about that ravioli.” She reaches a hand across the table, and I put mine in it. “How are you?”
“Okay,” I say.
“Yeah?”
I shrug.
“You sleeping all right?”
I nod, unable to look her in the eyes on that one.
“I’m sorry about Eric leaving,” she says.
“Yeah. Still not sure how I’m gonna manage that.”
She takes a deep breath. “Drew?”
“Yeah?”
“Would you ever consider… I mean… we’ve been together a long time.”
Oh shit, I see exactly where she’s going, and I have no way to stop the words about to come out of her mouth.
“You could live with me.”
“Um…” I attempt to swallow and fail miserably so my words come out garbled. “I’m not sure I can leave Silas and Chris in a bind like that…”
“It’s okay to put yourself first, you know? Because I mean, if you can’t afford it, you’ll have to move out anyway?—”
“We were talking about Queens…”
“Oh, honey. No. Not Queens. You’ll be miserable.”
“What’s wrong with Queens?” I ask, feeling defensive for the borough I have no connection to whatsoever, but everybody I’ve met from there doesn’t try to hide it.
“Nothing, it’s just… Every time I’ve had to go to La Guardia, I get this depressed feeling, and I know you’ve been down lately.”
“It’s mostly circumstantial,” I lie, withdrawing my hand from hers as our food arrives. I salivate at the sight of the huge omelet and ask for a glass of water.
“Well, if that’s the case, do you have a plan?” She doesn’t seem hurt.
“Honestly, I’m considering getting the fuck out of here.”
“Drew,” she admonishes.
“You asked.”
“You’re not leaving New York. So, your options are find another roommate, move to Queens, or move in with me. What sounds better?”
