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But I wasn’t about to explain that to her.
“No earbuds?” I said as I noticed they were no longer in.
“I didn’t want to be rude.”
“You’re telling me you want to talk?”
She glanced at me as we approached the crosswalk. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that question, since you’re not one for a ton of conversation? But every time you do speak to me, you’re either bashing me, snarling at me, or picking me apart.”
Her admission hit my chest.
It didn’t bounce off.
It stayed there, penetrating my skin.
She took it as bashing, snarling, and picking her apart.
But what I was really doing was pushing her away. Backing her up. Preventing her from getting too close because I didn’t want her to see inside.
Or I didn’t want to reveal what was inside.
I didn’t know the difference or if there was one.
But once she saw, once I shared the way I felt about her, once I gave her that missing piece, everything would change.
The way I saw my future.
Me.
Us.
“I know.”
She’d stopped looking at me, but her stare returned.
“I haven’t been the nicest to you, Jovana. I’m acknowledging that.”
We were at the start of the crosswalk. She didn’t move even though she could and there were no cars around. “Whoa.”
I laughed. “I’m not good at admitting things like that. I guess that’s because I never think I’m wrong.” I gave her a small smile. “But I haven’t been the most gentle with my words and I’m sorry for that.”
“You’re apologizing? I feel like this is a moment that should be documented.”
I nodded. “You’re not wrong about that.”
She pulled at her collar. “Where did this realization come from?”
My hands hung at my sides, and I shoved them into the large front pocket of my sweatshirt. “Now you’re pushing it.”
“I’m not. I’m just trying to understand this—and you. Did you have an epiphany on the way back from the pub? Or in your condo when I made a mad dash to my wing? Or when I told you I was going for a walk? What caused it?”
I searched her eyes. “Why does it matter?”
“Because everything about you matters.”
Even though she was pleading with me, there was a softness in her eyes. In her posture. Even in her lips.
I started walking and she was right beside me, only inches separating us. I could feel her stare in my peripheral vision.
