Page 30 of Bitterly Cold


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Birdie had told me everything Dante said the other night when he drove her home from The Bullet. He believed I got the IVF, and he would be right. I was grateful Birdie hadn’t confirmed his suspicions. It should be me. It will be me.

It had taken little convincing on Birdie’s part to talk me into attending Dante’s welcome home party. And I was nervous as heck as the time grew closer to leaving for the clubhouse. Literally, feeling sick to my stomach with anticipation.

How would he act?

Would he ignore me and find a hot biker groupie to fuck?

I’d been successful in avoiding him the past couple of days, which hadn’t been difficult. I had a ton of lesson planning to do and hid in my room.

Maybe Dante gave up and decided I wasn’t worth the headache. I wouldn’t blame him. I often felt like I’d been a burden to my parents, not that they ever made me feel as such. But my endometriosis had been so debilitating. How could they not be frustrated with me?

Stop getting in your head. Mom and Dad love you.

I knew they did. I also knew I had been an angry, depressed, and hopeless teenager. Not fun and outgoing, like Birdie. The real me had been buried under a mountain of pain and exhaustion.

I caressed my stomach. It had only been a few days and there weren’t any guarantees that the IVF was successful. One second, I prayed it had been, and the next second I didn’t want anyone’s baby inside me, except for Dante’s. How messed up was I? The dude had ghosted me, and it had been almost six years since we saw each other. He’d changed and so had I.

What are you doing? Don’t go to the party. I stopped preening myself in the mirror, hanging on my closet door. Don’t be his second choice. Make him work for it.

At least a million times, my dad had told me I deserved the best and to demand excellence in all things. I should give my all and expect the same from others. But he also told me to give Dante a chance.

A knock at the door made me jump. “Yes?”

“It’s me, honey. Can I come in?”

I opened the door for my mom and let her in.

“Wow! You look hot!” She checked me out, grinning from ear to ear. I rarely got dressed up, so her reaction was genuine. “Is this all for Dante?”

“It’s all for me.”

“That’s my girl.” She winked and sat on the edge of my bed. “When will you be ready to tell your dad about your appointment on Monday?”

“Not tonight.” I shut the door and leaned against it. “I was hoping to have fun with Birdie and the girls.” With Dante’s surprise return, he’d thrown me into an emotional spiral. I’d planned to tell my dad what I’d done that night, then we’d all have time to process before I took a pregnancy test in a couple of weeks. And then process the results, for good or bad. Of course, none of that happened the way I thought it would.

“What about Dante?”

“Mom, please. The dude ghosted me for nearly six years. Don’t push me toward him.”

“Honey, I’m not. I just know what a terrific guy he is.”

“I don’t know how terrific he can be after not communicating with me after our one hot as hell kiss.”

She sighed and stared at the ceiling. “I’m still salty that I missed seeing your first make-out session.”

I laughed awkwardly as my face heated. “Would you like me to invite you to the first time we have sex?”

She made praying hands. “Will you? I’ll be quiet and stay in the darkest corner of the room.” Her face brightened like a lighthouse beacon. The freak. She would probably be thrilled to be a fly on the wall.

“Absolutely not.”

“You crush my dreams, Em.” She straightened up on the bed and got serious. “So, when are we telling your dad? If he finds out from someone who isn’t you, he’ll go ballistic.”

“I just think it would be better to wait. Why get him worked up if I’m not even preggers?”

“I don’t know, mija. It’s a risk I’m not comfortable taking. You’ve seen him lose his temper. It’s not pretty, although I find it highly arousing.”

“Mom, stop already.”

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