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“I might be painting a picture that isn’t true. Might be a cultural difference. How did you get to be the good guy?”
“I video-called Stella every opportunity I could. I read her books, listened to her day, told her jokes, and sang her songs.”
“You sing?”
“Everyone can sing. Can I sing well? Well, enough that I made my daughter giggle.”
“Got it.” Mary seemed to tense. “Your wife was the disciplinarian, and you were the joy in her life.”
He looked down and whispered, “In my job, I never knew if it was going to be the last time I talked to her. And I —”
“Halo, stop.” She turned and looked at him sternly. “Don’t.”
“You were a soldier’s wife.”
“Navy wife, but I get it. It was on my mind every time I spoke with my ex. I thought:
This could be the last time I talk to him. I was careful not to bring this up, not bring that up. It made for very superficial conversations. A little different, though.” She turned and started walking again. “He really wasn’t in the kinds of dangers others were in. Like you were in. My children’s father was in a sub. We couldn’t communicate a lot when he was deployed. When he was home, things were tense. I ran the household as a single parent. Not true. I co-parented with my friend Diedre. We’ve pretty much done everything together from the time our three boys were born a day apart.”
“A litter of pups. I bet the dads were really glad, though, knowing you two had each other’s support when they weren’t at home.”
“When our husbands came home, they wanted things the way they’d left them. Not bad, mind you. Just he’d walk in the door, and all of my systems would suddenly be turned upside down. I lost control to him. He didn’t have the same concerns that you did. He was fine with being the disciplinarian.” There was an edge of resentment to her tone. “He wanted to make sure that if I had softened my boys’ hearts while he was gone, he toughened them back up by the time he went back to sea.” She shot a glance over to Halo. “That made him sound abusive. He wasn’t. I don’t think so, anyway. It’s just that I got tired of it. We made a truce of sorts. It sounds like you and your ex found a different way of handling things.” She turned back toward Max, who was trotting along with a massive branch in his mouth, making her laugh.
“I had my life in the military and Australia. But I also prioritized my relationship with Stella.”
“You just moved to America. Had you thought of moving where she is?”
“Yes, and her mother and I agreed that I shouldn’t do that. Stella’s a teenager and being very teenagery, especially towards her mum.”
“I know what that means.”
“There’s a bit of safety for Stella, I think, in the physical distance that allows us to stay emotionally connected. We’ve always had a mostly electronic relationship. My leaves from the military were always spent where she was, but it’s mostly at arm’s length. I’m not the disciplinarian—that was a mutual decision. I’m the steady wall for Stella to lean against. She hasn’t shut down to me. Her mother thinks it’s important that at least one of us can maintain that open connection.”
“I’m happy and jealous for you. That’s a great place to be in.”
“Her mother doesn’t have that luxury, and I see the toll. The frustration. Sometimes, it makes me feel selfish as hell to get the relationship with little of the burden. I’m sorry for your pain.”
“Yeah.”
And because a heaviness had draped itself over Mary’s shoulders, he thought a change of location might help. “Is it all right that we head on now? I want to make sure there’s enough daylight to move through the bog.”
Chapter Twenty-One
It was a quiet drive to the forest.
Companionably quiet.
Whatever shadow had crossed over Mary out in the river had lifted, and she was just enjoying, not feeling any pressure to entertain Halo. The absolute—and stunning—comfort of sitting beside him. Peace, Mary realized. What she was feeling was peace. And then she scanned back along her timeline to see why that feeling was so novel for her. And she couldn’t remember a time when she’d actually felt peace, but instead, she’d spent time imagining what that might feel like.
When he pulled off the road, they were at a trailhead.
He pointed out the latrine, and she was glad of the relief. When she was done, Halo told Max to use the bathroom, and Max climbed up on the toilet seat and did his business. When he finished, Max looked confused that there wasn’t a handle to flush. “That’s amazing,” she said.
“Normally, he’d just go in the woods, but we need to practice his new skill in as many places as we can.”
When Halo handed her a backpack that carried a water bottle, Mary said, “I can just put the bottle in my pocket.”
“Iniquus requires backpacks with both straps clasped when on the bog.” He waited for her to bring the straps around her chest, then waist, and then handed her a set of bog shoes. They reminded Mary of the kinds of plastic snowshoes her northern cousins used when they were little.
