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At least she had the deputies watching out for her.
And he needed to talk to Rylan again about how to handle that idiotic kiss without scaring her away.
At Rylan’s office, he raised his hand to knock, but the door swung open before his fist made contact with the wood.
“Oh, hey.” Rylan was in the process of pulling on a jacket. “I was just heading out.”
“Sorry. If you’re busy, I can come back.”
“Nah. I’m only going over to the RWCR office. They’re gearing up for a search. It’s my first official mission as the team’s trauma counselor. Walk with me.” He shut and locked his door, then nodded toward the building’s front door. “What’s up? Is this about Veronica?”
“Yeah. I did something boneheaded yesterday and made things worse.” Embarrassment burned up the back of his neck at the memory as he fell into step beside Rylan.
“What’d you do?”
“I kissed her.”
Rylan stopped walking like he hit a wall.
“I know,” Connelly muttered before the shrink could tear him a new one. “It was stupid. I don’t know what I was thinking. She was sexually assaulted, and I— I never should’ve— I was frustrated and— that’s no excuse. I shouldn’t have touched her. Jesus.” He dragged a hand over his face. His eyes felt gritty from lack of sleep, and his stubble had grown past a five o’clock shadow two days ago. “I wish I could take it back.”
“Okay,” Rylan said slowly and started walking again. He was silent a moment. “Was it a power move? You said you were frustrated. Were you trying to dominate her or… What exactly were you trying to accomplish?”
“I don’t know.”
“I think you do.”
“I just… wanted her back. My Veronica. I miss her. I love her.” It was strange to say it out loud. Had he ever? He didn’t think so, and the words felt as foreign as another language. “I’ve always loved her, but she put me solidly in the friend zone when we were kids, and I respected that. I was happy to be with her any way she’d have me.”
“Have you asked her how she feels about the kiss?”
“No. But she kicked me out of the house.”
“That was her spur-of-the-moment reaction to something that probably startled her. That was her self-preservation kicking it. But now that she’s had time to process it, how does she feel about it?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to her since. I slept on her porch and left before she woke up.”
Rylan’s mouth ticked up in a smile. “You’re gonna catch hell from Ash for that.”
“I’m expecting it, but I’m going to keep doing it until she lets me in or I know she’s safe. If Ash has a problem with it, he can kiss my ass.”
Rylan laughed and stopped just outside the door to the RWCR command center. Inside, the office buzzed with activity as the team geared up for a search.
“Okay, listen,” Rylan said. “If you’re serious about helping Veronica, communication is key.”
“I know. I want her to feel safe talking to me.”
“Then you need to open up and talk to her first. You need to tell her how you feel and encourage her to share her feelings. A lack of communication is the biggest relationship ender, and we men are especially bad at talking about feelings because we were taught from birth to be strong and unemotional.”
Connelly winced. He wasn’t good with feelings unless they belonged to a fictional character. Talk about his real feelings? To Veronica? Jesus. He’d ratherface a pack of rabid wolves with nothing but a butter knife for a weapon.
“Believe me, man, I get it,” Rylan said with a soft chuckle. “After I lost my arm and my SEAL career—something I had worked for most of my life—the last thing I wanted was to talk about my fucking feelings. And keeping all that inside almost killed me. Once I finally let myself feel and talk about it, I came to understand that strength isn’t about hiding your pain or pretending you’re okay when you’re not. It’s about acknowledging that you’re hurt and still going on. It’s about opening up and letting yourself be vulnerable to the people you love. That’s real strength.”
Rylan was right, and Connelly knew it. He needed to go to Veronica and lay bare his feelings and intentions, even if the prospect felt as dangerous as baring his chest to those rabid wolves and inviting them to claw his heart out.
“All right. I’ll talk to her.”
Rylan clapped him on the shoulder. “Good man.”
