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She exhaled the breath caught in her chest and nodded, clenching her fists at her sides until her nails dug into her palms. “I’m not helpless. Not anymore.”
“No, you’re not. Now keep your hands up.” He stepped around to face her. “Do you remember the game we used to play as kids where we tried to knock each other off balance?”
The memory brought a ghost of a smile to her lips. “You were never very good at it.”
“Well, I’m much better now. Judo is a bit like that. Now, imagine I’m your attacker, and I’m trying to pull you towards me. Don’t resist. Just go with it.”
He demonstrated by reaching out and gently tugging on her shirt. She stepped forward involuntarily.
“Good,” he said again. “The key is to act quickly and decisively. First, don’t panic. Take a deep breath and stay focused. Look at your foot placement. See how your front foot is right by mine. That’s exactly where you want it. You step into the attack, moving in the direction of my off-balance, which is toward my forward foot. And if I were to grab you like this—” He tightened his grip on her shoulder, just enough to make her aware of it. “—you would grab my collar with one hand and my sleeve with the other. That’s a standard Judo grip. Yeah, that’s it. See how it keeps me from bringing my arms up? Now pivot your back foot, turning your body sideways.”
She complied, blading her body between his legs. The closeness was electrifying, and the heat in the room seemed to intensify. She wondered if it affected him the same way it was her. His expression gave nothing away, but the way his breath hitched when her hip brushed his thigh told her everything she needed to know.
He was feeling it, too, but he was trying to ignore it and focus on the lesson. Which she should be doing, but every breath she drew filled her senses with him. Her chest felt tight, the protective walls she’d built around her heart starting to shake and break apart.
“Exactly like that,” he said, his voice a little rougher than before. “Hook your leg behind mine, targeting the back of my knee. At the same time, pull my collar forward and push my sleeve back. This will help to further off-balance me, and as I start to fall...” He tilted back like he was going to fall. “Pull me over your hips and shoulders, rotating in the direction of the throw. That will add power to your sweeping leg and help you maintain control of the throw. Got it?”
Dammit, she had to concentrate. He was trying to help her, and all she could think about was pushing him down on the mat and straddling him. It had been so long since she’d felt this surge of raw desire. To be in such close proximity with a man and to be so utterly aware of every movement, every brush of their bodies, every shared breath. It was intoxicating and downright dangerous.
She took a shaky breath, forcing herself to focus on the lesson and not the tantalizing scent of his body or the heat of his gaze. “Uh, yeah. I… I think so.”
“All right. Let’s try it slowly, step by step. I’m gonna grab you again...”
She followed his instructions, and to her surprise, he landed on the mat at her feet.
“No way.” She scowled down at him. “That was too easy. You’re twice my size. Were you helping me or something?”
“No, that was all you.” He popped to his feet. “The goal of Judo is maximum efficiency with minimum effort. By using your attacker’s own momentum, you expend less energy and still gain control. It’s balance and leverage.”
Unconvinced, she crossed her arms over her chest. “Okay, but what if the attacker is stronger or faster? I mean, not everyone will be as sloppy as you were just now.”
He chuckled. It was a soft rumble that reverberated through her nerve endings and made her belly jitter. “That’s the beauty of it. Strength and speed are a factor, sure. But technique can often outmaneuver them. Same as in chess, it’s not about brute force but strategy. You’re small, and they’ll likely underestimate you. That’s their first mistake. Use it to your advantage.”
She waved him forward. “Come at me again. Like you mean it this time.”
He grinned and launched himself at her. Once again, she stepped into the attack and rolled him over her hip. He landed with a hard exhale on the mat.
She swallowed, looking at her hands. She’d never felt so powerful before. “Okay. Wow.”
“Again?” he asked and rolled smoothly to his feet.
“Yes.” She sank into her stance and brought her hands up. “Let’s do it.”
“No hesitation this time. When I grab you, you lock up for an instant. That’s your mistake—one that a bad guy could take advantage of. Make it fast and fluid.”
He landed again, hard, shaking the knick knacks on the bookshelf. Rebel stirred on the couch, a low grumble of concern coming from deep within her chest.
“It’s okay. I’m okay,” he told the dog, then popped back to his feet with the grace of a panther. “Perfect. Just like that. Now we just have to practice until it’s instinctive. In a real situation, you won’t have much time to think. Your body needs to react naturally based on the training.”
“But what if they get me on the ground?” Just saying the words sent a shiver of fear cascading down her spine. “How do I escape?”
“Don’t worry. We’ll practice pins and escape techniques, but I want you to focus on throws right now. Then nobody will ever take you to the ground.”
“I like the sound of that. Okay. Show me another throw.”
The afternoon drifted by in a blur of instruction: blocks, holds, evasions. Connelly was patient and gentle, always making sure she was okay before continuing. Each new move gave her a sense of control that she hadn’t felt in years. He taught her footwork and stance, how to fall without hurting herself, and all the ways to use an opponent’s momentum against them. Each throw had a name she couldn’t remember—all in Japanese—but she memorized the movements Connelly demonstrated: his body fluid as water, his strength grounded in calm assurance.
She watched him, mesmerized. He’d removed his shirt, and sweat gleamed on his torso, muscles rippling subtly as he moved gracefully around the mat. There was something hypnotic about it, his every move telling a story of survival and strength, of embracing fear and transforming it into resilience. She found herself drawn in by his energy, by the silent promise that she too could embody such power.
