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“The hell you wished for me is the one you will burn in, Raymond. I promise you that. You can tear me down and try to hurt me with your words, but that says more about you than it ever will about me. You are insecure. You get off on being a narcissistic son of a bitch because it somehow makes up for what you lack. You are selfish and heartless, and you will never be deserving of real love or happiness. One of these days, you’ll get what’s coming to you. You’ll reap what you sow.”
I backed away from him and returned to my car with his laughter and obscenities ringing in my ears. I fought back the tears stinging my eyes. He wouldn’t be the cause of another tear—not from me. I almost let the devil use me to do his dirty bidding. My mother always told me that injustice never profited. Raymond may have won this battle, but he was waging a war against his own karma.
When I got back to my apartment, I walked in to the girls sitting on my couch, worried looks on their faces. The moment the door opened, they all jumped to their feet.
“Where have you been!” Avyn yelled at me. “You just left! No note, no text,—no nothing! You left your phone here. Anything could have happened to you, Pasha.”
“I want to be alone,” I stated, hanging up my keys.
“No, you don’t need—”
“I want to be alone!” I screamed. “I love y’all, but I need peace and quiet and time to myself right now! Please, get out!”
They looked at me like I was crazy, and maybe I was crazy. But I needed this. I needed time to process the surge of emotions flowing through me. I didn’t want to blow up at them. I didn’t want to be comforted. I just needed to feel it. I spent too much time burying my feelings deep inside myself. If I didn’t feel every bit of this starting right now, I was going to fall right back into my depressive state. I couldn’t afford that.
I cleared my throat. “I apologize for yelling. I promise, on my son, I will text you and let you know I’m okay. I just... I need to be alone. Please, understand that.”
A look of reluctance filled their faces. Quietly, they gathered their things and headed for the door.
“I’ll put in some vacation time for you at work,” Avyn said. She turned back once she was on the other side. “We love you, Pasch. Remember that.”
She didn’t give me a chance to respond before she closed the door. I looked around the now-empty apartment. I was alone,... just like I was used to being.
Chapter Thirty
Callum
Two Weeks Later
It had been two weeks since I’d last seen Pasha, and I felt the void. I missed her terribly. She’d only texted me that she needed some time to deal with a few things and that she was sorry. She wouldn’t answer my calls. She wouldn’t open the door when I showed up at her apartment. I’d gone over the day after game night, pleading with her to at least lay eyes on her. She never responded.
Defeated, I’d gone upstairs to Avyn’s apartment to talk to her. She gave me the spill on what happened after they left. I understood why she chose to remove herself from the space. What I didn’t understand was why she was adamant about doing this alone.
“Callum, you have to snap out of this,” Bella said, turning off my television. “You’ve been moping around here for two weeks. I know you miss her—”
“I don’t just miss her.”
She placed her hands on her hips. “You love her, don’t you?”
“Yes, I love her. I got to watch her grow into her own woman. I witnessed her confidence expand. I watched her go from being homeless and helpless to taking care of herself. How could I not fall in love with the growth in her?”
“I knew this was coming. I should have put money on it.”
“Very funny, Bella.”
“I’m just kidding. I need to see you smile. You haven’t been roasting me like usual. Precious misses her favorite uncle. You haven’t picked her up early as much, and she’s noticed.”
“I’m sorry, Bell. I’ll get her tomorrow. I miss my baby.”
“I think you should continue to let her know you’re here, but give her some space. Sometimes, we want to deal with hurt alone to feel it fully. Feeling is healing, Callum. Deciding to heal is a personal journey. When you deep dive into your feelings, it can take you to dark places. You don’t want to pull people down with you. You don’t want anybody distracting you in doing the work you need to do.”
“Are you an accountant or a psychologist?”
She giggled. “I took a few psych classes, and I read. My point is you have to give her time to do what she needs to do for herself. Sometimes, the most important part of healing has to be done alone. I know she cares for you. I might even go as far as saying she loves you. If fate can put you in each other’s paths twice already, the third time has got to be the charm.”
Sitting there, I wondered if I had pursued her too soon. Did I do too much too soon? Every part of me that I’d given her was genuine. Every word was true. Every hug, kiss, or lovemaking session was from my heart. I sighed, praying my sister was right. Maybe she needed something that only she could give herself. I was patient. I had faith that what we were building was solid enough to hold up while she got herself together.
I turned into the parking lot of the hotel where Pasha worked. While I was sure she wouldn’t be here, I prayed that Avyn was. She told me Pasha had promised to let her know she was alive and well while she took the time to herself. I just wanted to know if she was okay. I hadn’t seen Avyn since the Sunday after game night. She told me the same thing Bella had... give her some time.
