AllFreeNovel
Share Us
At that point, I didn’t know how he was feeling. Maybe he was dealing with it in private. Perhaps he didn’t know how to express his mourning. I just didn’t know and didn’t want to believe he could be so heartless.
“You don’t need to do that, Avyn. Please, don’t go over there.”
I was ready to beg at this point. Avyn frowned as she sighed. Her beautiful face softened a little. My friend liked to fight, and she would have no problem tearing Raymond a new one. I wouldn’t have her going to jail over the likes of him.
“I love you, Pasha. You aren’t just my best friend; you’re my sister. Your hurting hurts me, babe. I wish I could take all of it from you and carry it, but I can’t. What I can do is be there for you. You just have to let me. The girls and I would do anything for you, boo. You know that.”
I swiped a tear from my eye. “I know... I know.”
“You have my number. If... When you need me, call me. I don’t care when or where. You call me, and I’ll drop everything and come to you.”
She pulled me into her arms, hugging me tight. I wanted to break right then, but I held it together. If I really let my emotions go, I would be spilling my guts. The last thing I wanted to do was dig into an open wound by telling her everything that happened just a few hours ago.
“I’ll let you get some rest,” she said as she pulled away. “I’m about to head home for the night, but I’ll be back tomorrow. Maybe you’ll let me see you?”
“Maybe.”
She offered a light smile. Cupping my face, she placed several kisses on my forehead before walking back to the door.
“Avyn...” She turned back to face me. “Thank you. I love you too.”
She nodded as she left the room. I fell back onto the couch and curled into a fetal position. I knew I needed to let somebody in. I just didn’t know how I was going to come back from this shit. I was on a ledge, and I was likely to jump if one more thing happened.
It was three a.m.
Since Avyn left, I’d been sitting in the same spot on the couch for hours. I’d yet to shower and change my clothes. I was sure I had dark circles around my eyes. I was exhausted, exhausted from the day’s events. Exhausted from crying. Just exhausted with life. I’d never contemplated taking my life before, and the fact that it even crossed my mind terrified me.
What did I really have to live for? My parents were gone. I was childless. My husband was divorcing me and having a baby with another woman. I felt like there was nobody left in this world that truly loved me. I didn’t like myself very much right now, let alone loved myself. I thought about how different my life could have been.
What if I’d gone to college? What if I had taken up a trade, joined the military, or done something that would make me feel like I had a purpose? I had nothing to show for myself. What money I did have from my parents’ death and the sale of their home was tied up in an account that I couldn’t touch for the next five years.
Since we didn’t need the money, Raymond suggested that I do a certificate of deposit and allow the money to draw interest at a higher rate. That was fine. The problem was my bank didn’t allow early withdrawals before the maturity date, so I was shit out of luck. I had about $800 to my name—and six of that came from my driver tonight.
I thought about that kind soul. He’d never know how much I appreciated him and what he did for me. The room he booked me had a kitchen area with a sink, microwave, and a full-sized fridge but no stove. If anything, I could grab a hot plate from the dollar store and pick up a few groceries. I sighed at the thought of having to spend the little money I did have. Eight hundred dollars already wasn’t a lot of money. The thought of blowing through it quickly was depressing. What was I going to do when it was gone?
I looked down at the wedding ring on my finger. Raymond paid a good twenty thousand for it. If I pawned it, I could get a few thousand back. That would be enough to get me by for a little while... at least until I found a job. I didn’t have many skills outside of cleaning and cooking.
I shook the thoughts from my head as I finally stood from the couch. After digging through my suitcases and trash bags, I found my pajamas and body wash. Maybe a shower would soothe me. I’d go through my things in the morning. Right now, I just wanted to cleanse myself of the day and try to get some sleep. In the bathroom, I stripped down and stood in the mirror, staring at the puffy-eyed, pitiful mess looking back at me.
My hands roamed my body and pinched at my skin. Where I was once toned, I now had a little pudge. My breasts didn’t sit up quite like they used to. Once upon a time, I could proudly walk around with no bra and be okay. Not so much anymore. It was sad how much my confidence had changed.
I sighed as I pulled a shower cap over my hair. It had been in a bun for the last two weeks. It was a wonder it hadn’t matted up too badly. Standing under the steady flow of hot water, I closed my eyes. I thought back to the day my life changed forever... the very beginning.
I wandered around the hospital. Avyn’s father was having surgery, and I, being a good friend, came along to support her. He was awake and spending time with his family. I didn’t want to crowd them, so I told her I’d wait in the cafeteria until she was ready to go. On my journey to the lower-level café, I stopped on every floor just being nosy.
“Are you looking for someone?” asked a deep voice behind me.
I jumped as I spun around, clutching my chest. My eyes widened as I looked up at the most handsome stranger in blue scrubs and a white lab coat. His badge read Raymond Sinclaire, MD. Cardiothoracic Surgeon. He stood roughly six feet even, with honey-colored skin and a neat haircut. His eyes were a deep brown and kind. He was easily everything I loved in older men.
“You scared me.”
He chuckled. “I apologize, Ms....”
“Brooks... Pasha Brooks.”
“Ms. Brooks.” He reached for my hand and shook it. “I apologize for scaring you. You just looked like you were wandering, and I wanted to see if I could be of some assistance.”
“I’m not lost. Just passing time until my friend is ready to leave. I was actually on my way to the cafeteria.” I gave him a flirtatious smile. “Maybe you could show me where it is.”
