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She paused, sweeping another glance over me. “When did you say you and Atty met?”
“Oh, um. Not too long ago.”
Her green eyes narrowed further. “It’s just that Atlas doesn’t… Women to Atlas are…”
“Believe me, I know.”
“You do?”
“Atlas and I are not a couple or anything remotely close. We decided to do this thing for the king together, and…” I lifted a shoulder, turning to stare out the window. “It’s not like that.”
“Oh, okay. Well then, I guess you don’t need the warning.”
Surprised, I looked back at her. “Atlas doesn’t need a warning. Everybody’s got a past.”
She shifted the golden bands on her arm as she removed the cork from a bottle, spreading the salt on the floor. “I’m only saying guard your heart. He’s prone to breaking them.”
The ivy hanging down the wall swayed just as Nym finished creating the salt circle.
“Tell the pup there’s not enough coins in the world to convince you to go traipsing around the territories in winter in a fucking horse-drawn sleigh.”
Nym tossed Atlas a candle, and he caught it with ease. “I think I’ll pass, Atty.”
“Come on, guys. Don’t make me go by myself.”
The words slipped from him with so much ease, had Nym not gasped, he might not have caught the mistake in his words. My presence was nothing. I was nothing. And he obviously wanted to make sure I knew that.
“I mean… You know what I mean,” he said, stumbling over himself.
Had he told Kirsi of my power and hoped they could become a wedge? A guarantee that nothing would come of this pull between us? As if I couldn’t be trusted. I had my own mind. My own self-control… mostly. Setting my jaw, I gathered the holly and walked to the salt circle, laying the greenery at the northern and southernmost points. I had to follow him around, but I certainly didn’t have to take it any further than what this was. A job.
The second I’d left home, I abandoned those that would ever love and support me. That was the choice I’d made, and it had been the right one. I couldn’t deny the loneliness seeping over me, though. In the presence of genuine friendship and familial bonds, that giant hole in my heart throbbed. Even if I failed to admit it, I was jealous. I hadn’t been enough company for Atlas.
“Do you have a log?” I asked, looking only at Nym, scared to show the isolation roaring through me.
“I left it in the back. Can you grab it, Atty?”
When Atlas disappeared, Kirsi turned, leaning close to whisper. “Whatever is going on between you two is your business. But if you’re planning on hurting him, I’ll hunt you down. We know the witches don’t all accept him as one of their own. He’s stuck in the middle of who he was and who he is now. If you’re spying for someone to get to the king’s council, there’s no place you can hide that we will not find you.”
“Enough, Kir,” Nym stepped in. “She gets it.”
Her words were like a knife to a fresh wound. My mind had put me in a vulnerable state, and I wasn’t ready for them. I think everyone would have preferred it if I weren’t here at all. I certainly would have.
“This is a mistake,” I said, dusting my hands. “You should let him find someone else.” Though the door knob stuck, I managed to escape the confinements of the walls sinking in on me before Atlas returned.
I should have stayed and helped with the spell I knew he would struggle with, but he didn’t want me there and neither did his friends. Story of my entire life. No one wanted me around.
Sitting beneath that magical ball of fire, I stared anywhere but at the door. I couldn’t get far enough away from them, and yet I had to stay close in order to protect him. The balance was nauseating. Nym’s warning mixed with Kirsi’s threat had changed nothing, really. But it put me in a place to evaluate my situation, and I didn’t want to do that either.
Even though Atlas was broken, perhaps a piece of my soul was marked as well. The soft sound of the door clicking shut startled me. I turned, half expecting that lopsided grin. Instead, Kirsi stood there, arms over her chest, gray eyes staring me down.
“He can’t do it on his own, and we can’t help him.”
Standing, I let the fur slide from my lap as I exited the sleigh and walked to the door, meeting her toe-to-toe as I hid the pit of my despair, turning into something stronger than I really was. “I can appreciate you worrying about your friend, but I won’t tolerate threats. I don’t know what he said to you, but I’m not a bad person. You want to threaten me? You’re going to have to hear what I have to say back. Otherwise, I’ll just leave.”
Her eyes narrowed. “I’m listening.”
“I’ve lived through moments with him that you will never experience. You don’t know my heart or my intentions. You don’t even fucking know me, shifter. And that’s fine. Except one day, he will find someone real, someone that he can open up to and love. And if you speak to her like you just spoke to me, if she is weak of heart in any way, she’s going to run. Far and fast and it will be all your fault. So, watch what you say. Or you will be the reason that man is alone forever.”
