Page 19 of Because You Want Me


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It would be perfect...or else.

And then I saw something else flickering out of the corner of my eye. He sat in the center, on the bride's side. He looked so sexy in his suit that it was almost obscene. From his slender black tie and the muscles that rippled beneath his jacket and crisp white shirt, you couldn't help but imagine the pieces trailing from the door to the bed. His dark locks were ruffled by the wind and you just had to run your fingers through it. Tug it as he did things to your body...

He smiled and I shut my eyes but it didn't scrub away his face. He was tattooed on my subconscious: every angle, how he made me melt with a simple curving of his lips, and those eyes. I thought the green was filled with warning, to proceed with caution because he was trouble. But I'd caught something else yesterday. Proceed with caution—because I don't want to break your heart.

Which was part of the problem. We made this arrangement to keep our hearts out of it. I was starting to believe that was an impossible thing to ask of something that had no rhyme or reason. Love was just love. It just happened.

And I think I was—

“No!” I hissed, hurling the covers from me like I was tossing away the L word. I dragged my body from the bed and rushed to the bathroom. I wet a washcloth and covered my face with it. When I dropped the terry cloth veil I knew that I didn't just have it bad. I had it bad.

I gripped the sink, my hands shaking and like my body had a mind of its own, I tiptoed my fingers up my forearm, rounding my shoulder, and paused when I touched my collarbone. It didn't compare to his touch, when he claimed me with his hands, then his mouth, but I was right back at the winery regardless, saying his name.

“Xander.” I brought my fingers to my lips and remembered the way he tasted.

I snatched my hands from my face and launched myself into the shower with a mission: not to think of him. I scrubbed myself from head to toe, and just when I thought I'd locked him away somewhere he couldn't invade my waking thoughts too, I'd touch some part of my body that betrayed me and I was wet—and it had nothing to do with the water.

I snatched back the fabric shower curtain, deciding that if sheer willpower didn't work, I'd go with a dependable, yet equally unhealthy approach. I'd make a mental list of all the reasons falling for Xander was a terrible idea.

1. We met in a sex club. Enough said.

2. I didn't belong in his world. I was a teacher. Our little jaunt to Livermore probably cost more than what I made in a month. I grew up in the suburbs, he grew up in a freaking castle.

3. Our relationship was built on a lie. His father basically was forcing an arranged relationship on him, just to screw around with his head.

The throbbing between my thighs tried to coax me back to the good memories. Not just how right it felt to be with Xander, but how good it felt to be with someone that put me first. That derived pleasure from my pleasure, instead of me scrambling to figure out what I needed to do to make my partner happy so they wouldn’t abandon me.

And that was a good number 4. I couldn't even hear Marshall’s name or see the places we used to go together without wanting to burn something to the ground. How could I fall for someone when my heart was still in pieces?

I toweled myself off and slipped back into the bedroom, just in time to catch a biting text from my sister.

How long until you get here? We're all waiting, you know.

I dropped it back onto the mattress, knowing that she wasn't expecting a reply anyway...she was expecting me to get there, immediately. Annoyance kept thoughts of Xander at arm's length as I slathered on lotion and tugged on an oversized tunic and leggings and stepped into my flats. I knew if I brought my phone I'd check for texts from him, so I left it on the bed, walking down the corridor toward Victoria's suite.

I expected more of the same, the world turning without me, my presence a mere formality. But when I knocked on the door, I came face to face with Victoria, her pale eyes round with concern.

“Penny, are you okay?”

“Yes?” I said gingerly, suddenly self conscious when I realized the room was dead quiet because I'd just interrupted a conversation, and it was clear from the way all eyes landed on me, then dropped guiltily, it was a conversation about me. “What's going on?”

Victoria's expression softened as she drew me into the room, looping her arm through mine. It was something that you did with a confidante, something warm and friendly and safe. My sister wasn't friendly with me unless it benefited her somehow, so I kept my guard up.

“I just wanted to apologize for the way Lara behaved yesterday.”

Silence still filled the air but in my head, I heard a record scratch. “What?”

“She was rude. Unnecessarily so and that's not what I want this weekend to be about.”

I blinked, sure that either my eyes or my ears were deceiving me. I couldn't find any sign that Victoria was about to snort from suppressing her laughter, or spy a rope tied to a bucket of blood and I was about to be drenched, the joke, as always, on me. Just to make sure, I made my rounds, eyeballing each of her friends. They all seemed genuinely apologetic. Or sympathetic. No matter how I sliced it, it was moving, and my heart swelled a little bit in my chest. I frowned as I darted around the room once more and realized that Lara was nowhere to be found.

My sister patted my shoulder gingerly. “I told her to sit today out. We'll make any last minute alterations she needs later this afternoon.”

This was just becoming stranger and stranger. Now Victoria was picking me over her friends?

“What a beautiful gift!” A throaty voice stepped in and I hesitantly released my sister's gaze, turning to the stranger. The woman was petite, with fragile features that collectively sighed in awe when she looked back and forth between my sister and I. “It's her special day and she's looking out for her little sister. Weddings bring everyone together!”

Murmurs of agreement and wide eyed appreciation were bestowed on Victoria and she soaked it up like a sponge.

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