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I would have been wrong.
Rachel backed up her charm with a ferocious ability to relate to everyone from a mom and pop operation to a deluded CEO used to being told he was right when he was often incorrect. She worked her way from junior executive to the head of her department with a legion of junior executives at her beck and call.
But distracted or no, there was one person at the head of the table. I didn’t have to utter a syllable nor pull my lips into a scowl before she shrunk in her stilettos and her words stumbled from her mouth.
“I’m sorry Mr. Wade, it’s just that Carson Mechanics is a big score for us and the CEO seems onboard with our vision, but he’s done everything but come right out and say that he wants a face to face with you.” She dropped her electric blue eyes to safe territory, wiping her sweaty palms on the front of her pants. “He claims he’s a big fan of your story-”
“If I held every client’s hand, I would never get anything done,” I said coolly. I knew the type. The CEO at Carson Mechanics was squirrelly and non-comital. It was her job to take away every option but Wade Enterprises, and not because I agreed to some lunch where I stroked his ego. She needed to show him that he was lucky that we were sparing our time and resources. To be frank, he was lucky we were considering taking them on as a client at all. He needed us a hell of a lot more than we needed him. “If you can’t close-”
“I never said that,” she cut in quickly. She raised her chin, the defiant set of her jaw reminding me of the woman I took a chance on years ago. She was the youngest executive on staff, but I had seen a fire in her. It roared back to life as she gathered her paperwork with precise, crisp movements that told me she’d take no prisoners. “I’ll take care of it, Mr. Wade.”
She marched from the room like a woman on a mission and I smiled to myself, a smile that froze in place when I glanced over at Caitlyn.
I knew my assistant had an extensive catalogue of frowns, from the, ‘Today I’m Already up to Here, so no BS’ to ‘You Drive Me Crazy, Xander-but I Wouldn’t Have it Any Other Way’. Today, she’d had it.
“You were not only rude to Rachel by day dreaming your way through her presentation, but you had the nerve to talk about how busy you are-”
“I am busy.” I adjusted my tie and slid back from the table like I had places to go and people to see. It was my way of closing the subject, but I knew it would take more than those three words and a chair screech to make Caitlyn back down.
“That’s just the thing, Xander, you’re not busy.” Her fierce gaze locked me in my seat. Rushing off to my next meeting or to the safety of my office was not an option. “You’ve been postponing appointments and meetings, canceling entire days-”
“I’m fully aware of what I’m doing,” I assured her. I knew it was a lie. We knew it was a lie. Even now, I was only half listening to her. The rest of my mind was already trying to figure out when I’d get to see Penny again.
It hadn’t even been a week since she’d roared into existence, and now I could barely remember what it was like before Penny. Had there been a life without her warm eyes filled with skepticism, suspicion, and hope? A life without her touch; something precious that wasn’t freely given, whether it was a kiss, a smile, or our knees brushing? A life without the consuming need to possess her body?
I remembered the way she bit her lip when I sank my fingers inside her, the way she shuddered when she came. The memory of it was enough to make my cock pulse. I was completely enraptured by her. The way she fought the me she thought I was-that I thought I was-was the most confounding and exhilarating things I’d ever experienced. She wasn’t the first woman to try and get past the playboy exterior, but she was the first that made me want to be more. One night with her, one month with her, wouldn’t scratch this itch.
I turned my attention back to Caitlyn, ignoring the angry lines that were focused on me. I wanted to bite off a warning, but the desire to snap at Caitlyn was fleeting. I knew that this wasn’t just business to her.
“It’s okay if you’re worried about me, you know,” I winked, knowing she’d deny it.
“You’re a grown man and more than capable of making your own decisions.” She dusted her hands with a sour look that told me she was attempting to wash her hands of the situation, but her voice wasn’t quite as steady as it would have been if she could care less. “I...I just know how important your career is to you, Xander.” She ejected from her seat and buttoned her blazer. She strode toward the door, holding it open expectantly. “I know what my job description isn't, but I also know that you didn't hire me because I look cute in a pencil skirt and would blow smoke up your ass.” She gave me the same hard-as-nails look that she gave my father when he thought she was going to bend to his will, because that's what everyone did. “I know this has to do with the young woman that came to the office a few days ago.” I opened my mouth to defend Penny, but Caitlyn wasn't taking any objections. “I wasn't always an old lady, you know. I remember what young love feels like.”
The L word was the equivalent of nails raking across a chalkboard. It stabbed a hole through my fantasy; the beach we walked on hand and hand blurred, replaced with sand that felt like hot coals. It set fire to any joy or happiness that filled me when I thought of Penny. I remembered all too well how powerful that word was. How it made me weak. How it left me powerless.
I locked my jaw, struggling to find the authority that usually came to me easily. “Love? I barely know this woman.”
Caitlyn wasn't buying what I was selling. “Uh huh.” She gathered the documents, her fingers flying as she organized each piece, barely looking at the folder tabs. She moved with the effortless confidence of someone that knew exactly what she was doing. “I don't know this woman either, but I do know you. Women come and women go, and you carry on. Something tells me that if this women fell into the latter category and you never saw her again, you wouldn't just go about business as usual.”
I gripped my pen tight, holding onto the last shreds of denial. “If you knew me, you'd know I wouldn't let anyone have that much power over me.” The twitch beneath my right eye gave me away. My father had the exact same tell, and he negated that statement. Even from his deathbed, he held sway over me.
Memories of my childhood stacked one on top of the other. I heard his rumbling voice bark that if a public school education was good enough for him, it was good enough for me. When my mother went to him, recounting stories I'd told her about bullies that taunted me for living in the 'Addams Family' house, he’d just laughed. My family's wealth and my scrawny frame slapped a target on my forehead. He told her that it would toughen me up.
When I'd had enough and finally fought back, breaking a nose and nearly busting a kneecap, he sent me to military school. I only saw my family on holidays and one weekend a month. I kept my nose clean, brought home all A's, and soared athletically. Any sort of pride or love was like a hunt for hidden treasure. It started off exciting because each accomplishment was a chance to finally get it right. Finally make him proud. Each time I ended up with fool's gold. You scored the winning touchdown? That's nice...but MVP is what you should be gunning for. 4.0 GPA? Not bad...but you were beat out for valedictorian. You gotta work harder.
By the time I realized I was fighting a losing battle and I'd never live up to his expectations, I was finishing up my MBA. My father learned he had cancer and was gearing up to sell the firm when I stepped in and transformed Wade Enterprises into a powerhouse.
For me. Not for him. And he still found a way to ignore all I'd done.
Anger snatched me from my memories, but it wasn't the only emotion raging inside me. I felt grateful. If he wasn’t such an asshole, I wouldn't have never met Penny.
I glanced down at the pad in front of me, my notes practically nonsensical. I swore the curves of the mismatched words I jotted down mimicked the curve of her lips.
“Even now, you're trying to hide the fact that you can't help but smile when you think about her.”
I faced off with Caitlyn: me stubborn as hell, her just as tenacious.
“This thing you've got going is new and fresh...and dangerous.” She gave me a sad look over the top of her glasses. “Just be careful.”
