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“Don’t touch me,” he snarled, looking at my outstretched hand like it was the most appalling thing he’d ever seen. “Do I love you? Do I love you? You have that wrong--do you love me, Leila?”
I took a step back as I felt the hurt funneling from him. “Of course I love you!”
“Ah I see.” His voice was calm, the volume lowered, but I saw his corded neck and the way his body trembled with suppressed rage. “So this whole Cade situation...you told me after the fact because you were trying to protect me. Like you ‘protected’ me in Venice?”
I took a step backward. He was pulling out Rachel Laraby? That was low. “I apologized for that, Jacob. And I tried to apologize for not telling you about Cade.”
“You don’t get it,” he spat. “You don’t understand what it meant for me to let you in.” He took a few steps from me, looking at me like I was a stranger. “I thought we were…I was going to…” He threw up his hands.
I was sinking fast, grasping for anything to keep me from drowning. “Of course I get it. But you have to understand that--”
“I don’t want to hear it,” he interjected angrily. “Everything is on your terms, Leila. I’m not included. I’m a child that needs to be eased into things, only told what you think I can handle. It’s bullshit and I’m be damned if I let you--” His voice cracked, chest heaving his eyes flashing with a pain that broke me.
What had I done?
He turned on his heels, leaving the room without another word. I hated myself for hurting him.
I hated myself for letting him go.
****
Rudy’s Diner had a reputation for being bad news for anyone remotely concerned about their health. Their grilled cheese came on a glistening bed of butter and grease. Their bacon was hearty, not shriveling to nothing when fried. They had friend twinkies on their menu, for crissakes. Luckily, I was in the kind of mood where a burger the size of my head and a milkshake with a gazillion calories sounded like a great idea.
Megan wasn’t so enthused. “Well, that’s a first. They don’t have a salad anywhere on this thing.”
“I think jalapeno poppers are under ‘sides’ on the back,” I offered.
“Jalapeno poppers?” Even though I had my eyes on the menu, I knew hers were narrowed in disgust. “I guess I’ll just grab something on the way home.”
A waitress saddled up to our table. She couldn’t have been older than sixteen, even though her heavy handed makeup made her look about thirty. Her hair was dishwater blond and she was smacking on her gum like it was the best thing she’d ever tasted.
“Y’all decided?” she purred.
I glanced at Megan as she gingerly pushed the menu to the edge of the table like any full on contact would infect her. “Just a coffee for me.”
The waitress turned in my direction. “And you?”
“I want the Big Rudy burger, as close to rare as possible, large fries, and I want to substitute a cookies and cream milkshake for my drink.” I handed her my menu and added, “With whipped cream. Lots of whipped cream.”
Her dingy brown eyes softened. “One of those kinda days, huh?”
I just glared at her.
She shrugged a shoulder and hustled off, barking out our order.
“You know rare here probably means just killed out back, right?” Megan said, looking at me like I was insane. “I didn’t even check their sanitation grade. I’ll probably get salmonella from my mug alone.”
“If you’re going to complain all night, I can just take a cab home.” When I saw the hurt flicker across her face, I rolled my eyes and dropped my head to the table. Another person I’d done wrong. I was on a freaking roll. “I shouldn’t have invited you.”
“Agreed.” Even muffled, her voice was taut with anger. “I’m not going to be your punching bag, Leila.”
I let out a sigh, peeking at her over the wall of my arms. “Sorry.”
“Uh huh,” she said with an eye roll of her own. The waitress dropped off her coffee and I could tell she was saying a prayer as she brought the rim to her lips and took a sip. She winced like she just threw back a shot.
I sat back up, the sides of my mouth twitching. “Better than Starbucks?”
“I’m gonna sprout hair on my chest any second now,” she joked, cradling the mug between her hands.
