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Marla looked amazing. Glowing complexion in the candlelit room, her long legs delicately crossed while showing off their stunning shape. Her low-cut dress hugged her curves like it’d been painted on. She was dressed to the max, all her attributes on full display. Her beautiful spirit was the number one attribute she possessed. She’d been there for me the past four years and had a perfect right to be proud of my improved mood.
I reached across the table, tearing up. She hesitated taking my hand. Perhaps she was worried all wasn’t as peachy as she’d wanted it to be. “Thank you,” I began. She sighed in relief. “For loving me through these past few years. I didn’t deserve you.”
“Of course, you did, you silly goose.”
“I’m serious, Marla. I wondered if I’d ever get past what happened,” I explained. “But I don’t have to tell you that,” I added.
“So tell me this,” she said, rearranging her silverware as she prepped her question. “You’re totally over Alan?” I frowned my disapproval at her ridiculous question. “I’m serious, Cole. I heard through the grapevine that Alan has expressed to mutual friends that he intends to get you back.”
I shook my head, my eyes rolling like screwballs. Her pronouncement was absurd. “This again?” I asked, exhaling a long sigh. “Not likely to happen, Marla. Alan does not admit mistakes.”
“I hear that he’s shellshocked from his mistake of leaving you,” she said. “He walked directly into an alcoholic train wreck who cheated on him from almost day one.”
“I hope he gets the help he needs,” I stated, meaning it sincerely. “He deserves goodness.”
Marla set her wineglass down and cleared her throat delicately, focusing on me. “He is getting help, Cole. Therapy, actually. With the hope of convincing you to give him another chance.”
“Why are you telling me this?” I inquired. “Do you honestly think that this is helpful?”
I looked across the restaurant and to the busy sidewalk outside. Everyone was hustling and bustling by with their lives, oblivious to others’ pain and issues. I had had my share of hurt but now I was moving forward. Frankly, I didn’t need to be told Alan was improving, and worse, with the expectation of a reconciliation.
“I love you, which is why I’m telling you,” she exclaimed. “I want you to be prepared for what I see as an eventuality of him calling you, or worse, knocking on your door.”
I turned back to her. I wasn’t angry or pissed. Hell, I was way past those emotions. What I was, was sad. I’d asked Alan to seek counseling after he told me he was leaving me, and now he was fucking doing exactly that.
“I wish he’d done that the day he told me he was leaving, Marla,” I said, sighing and sinking back into the booth’s soft leather. “But truthfully, his life is none of my concern any longer.”
“And you’re strong enough with Chad that nothing Alan does will change your mind?”
I leaned toward her, speaking a tad too angrily for my liking, but she had brought up a scenario that I did not want to discuss. Hypotheticals about Alan and I reconciling were not of interest to me.
“Not even if Chad and I were not together,” I quantified. “Right now, to be honest, Marla, I cannot see my way to even being his friend. I’m better, I’ll admit, but I am not that evolved.” I tried to calm my nerves and my tremoring lips. “Anything else?”
“No. Nothing,” she replied. “I’ve overstepped.”
I grabbed her hand. “No, you have not. You simply love me, that’s all. Thank you, but I’m not going to lie, I am slightly agitated by your news. There are many reasons; some that I can’t seem to articulate too well right now.”
“I only wanted to make you aware,” she said. “Sincerely, honey. I worry and that is my concern for you. He might actually attempt to do this.”
“Thank you for the heads-up. I really do appreciate you, but I think you’re wrong regarding Alan and his ability to ask for forgiveness,” I said. “But you know what? If he did apologize, I would accept his apology.”
Marla locked eyes with me. “I respect you for that. But maybe I should’ve kept my news to myself, Cole. I do not want to diminish your progress.”
“You haven’t done that, sweetheart. I just want you to know that being with Chad has brought something new into my life,” I explained. “A sort of confidence in myself that I think was missing my whole adult life. I’ve learned that I bring something to a relationship that can be valued by someone. Does that make sense?”
“I can see it in you,” she agreed. “Besides, I’ve met the man, Cole. Chad is extraordinary. He is a true wonder of such light and love that I believe in your love for him. He looks like a god or, better yet, an angel, but it’s obvious he possesses something rare.”
“He makes you believe, Marla, if that makes sense,” I effused. “His love makes you want to love better, be better. I shit you not—I’ve never been around someone like him.”
“I know, baby. I know. Just look at you,” she said, checking her watch. “Drop me home on your way to the airport, and I’ll see you in a couple more days at you guys’ place.”
* * *
The entire drive home after landing at the airport and retrieving my car had me reviewing my conversation with Marla. I knew she cared about me and my relationship with Chad. Her primary concern was the scuttlebutt she’d heard in the gay, New York City, A-list gossip circles. I wasn’t included in that circle even when I was in that circle.
She was asking me to be aware, to be prepared, for the possibility of an Alan return. I wasn’t concerned because I believed Alan was incapable of contrition and would never admit that he’d made a mistake. Besides, I did not need validation that the man he’d left me for was a huge mistake. Perhaps three years ago I would have loved it. Maybe even one year ago, but not today. Not any longer.
My focus now was walking into my house after three days away and hugging the man I was in love with, the man who had come into my life and showed me I was worthy of love. Parking in the driveway caused my heart to swell in anticipation of returning to a home full of love and the man who did the filling.
