AllFreeNovel
Share Us
He sits motionless at the table, his smooth head buried in his hands. Too stricken by grief and sadness to look up? Or just can’t stand the sight of me after what I’ve done.
“Hey, Pops.”
He looks up, finally acknowledging my presence. Looking into his eyes is so strange, the color and shape a reflection of my own. There’s a lost emptiness in his gaze, replacing a fire that used to burn bright and clear.
His voice is gravelly from depression and disuse. “Hey.” He goes back to staring at the same spot on the table.
We sit in silence. I don’t know what to do during these spells, other than just be here with him. My mother’s death took away pieces of me. Her accident filled my insides with a burning vat of self-hatred.
My father?
It destroyed him.
My parents deeply loved one another. They both played guitar, loved books. My father’s written countless love songs for her. She was a gentle spirit, loving animals and children, always inviting her friends’ kids to come and stay.
She’d feed the wild cats though she knew my father didn’t like it. She always arrived late with a smile on her face and he was always early with a frown. He often said she was the sunshine to his grumpiness.
One of our time-honored family traditions is to hold a Celebration of Life on the anniversary of a loved one’s death every year for the first three years after they’ve died.
My father has refused. We never even held a funeral. I have no clue where he’s stored her ashes.
“Why do you come here?” I ask. “To hide from all her memories at the other house?”
He shakes his head. “No.”
“Moving to the place you lived before you fell in love with her won’t let you change the past.” I shake my head. “You can’t undo it.”
He stares at me for a long, hard moment then drops his eyes again. When he speaks, his voice is heavy as stone. “As much pain as I’m in, I wouldn’t undo anything. I wouldn’t take a single second of our time together back.” Finally, his gaze returns to mine, a hint of who he was reflecting in his green irises. “I come here because it’s where I first fell in love with her.”
A dagger pierces right through my heart.
I had no idea.
I’ve never been in love like that.
And now, I’ve taken that love from him.
Clearing his throat, he leans back in his chair, changing the subject. “And what about the girl?”
“What girl?” I ask.
“The girl”—he gives me a pointed look, more life coming into his eyes— “you’ve got holed up at your house.”
“You know about that?” I ask.
“I know everything,” he says. “I’m sad, not dead—”
Dead. The word hangs heavy in the air between us. I give the moment a beat to let the word dissipate.
I clear the tightness from my throat. “I honestly don’t know, Pops. I don’t know why I have her.”
I stand from the table. I need to get him out of this house. Find something to distract him from asking questions about Lindy. The man’s olive skin is turning pale. He needs some sun. There’s one thing we always enjoyed doing together when I was growing up. A simple task that’s satisfying and good for the soul.
“Come on, Pops. Let’s go work on the yard. You need some damn sun.”
He follows me out to the shed behind the circle of houses where we keep supplies. We have day workers that come by boat, cleaning crews, and landscapers but my dad grew up with nothing. He made sure I knew how to take care of my own shit.
It’s a beautiful day, the sun warm on our faces, shining down on a patch of wildflowers to the left of the property, their colorful buds starting to appear. I can practically taste the sweet air as I push the mower. Freshly cut grass, the spring air; smells like freedom.
