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I grab pajamas from the drawer and tiptoe to the closet to change.
Angel’s already asleep in her basket. Lucky for us, she’s not nocturnal, often sleeping till seven or eight in the morning. This is where she sleeps. I tried to move the basket from the closet to the bedroom, but she kept returning, mewing at the spot the basket was on her first night here, looking at me for help.
I stroke her fur. “You’re getting so big.” She yawns, stretching. I click on the nightlight I leave for her. I dress in a soft cotton nightdress that reaches my mid-thigh, opting for no bra and clean cotton panties underneath.
I tie my hair back and wash my face. Worried eyes stare back at me as I dab my skin dry with one of the clean towels I put in the bathroom earlier today. Should I ask him what’s really going on with him?
I slip under the covers. He turns over, throwing an arm over me, pulling me close. He’s not wearing a shirt and I love the feeling of the warmth of his bare skin. I find the gesture relieving, enough so that I find myself calling his name.
“Damian?” I whisper.
“Yeah?”
He’s awake. My heart flutters in my stomach as I try to decide what to say. “Everything okay? You seemed distant this afternoon.” I feel him tense against me.
“Why are you here?” he asks, finally.
“Huh?” I turn over, facing him. “What do you mean?”
We both know why I’m here. I made a stupid mistake. He gave me my dream ring. With a lot of drama in between. I know we’re in a weird limbo, neither one of us knowing what happens next.
But I thought there was enough between us to give it some time…
“Why don’t you try to leave?” he asks. “You never really pushed back when I gave you the ring.”
I know exactly why I don’t try to leave. Why I wear his ring. It’s time to tell him how I really feel.
I have nothing, and everything, to lose.
I take a deep breath, forcing myself to find his eyes in the dark room. There’s enough moonlight to see him clearly. I bare my heart to him, telling him my truth. “I kinda thought… one day… we might want to…” Marriage seems like a really big word. “Make it official. Was I wrong?”
He takes way too long to answer. I hold my breath till it burns in my lungs. Finally, he says, “Why would you want that? Why would you want to be shackled to someone like me?” His words sting.
He’s damaged, sure. But aren’t we all?
“Because I care about you… a lot.” I decide to put it all out there. Expose my whole heart at the risk of it being broken. “Damian, I see a future with you. Do you feel the same way about me?”
His silence hangs heavy between us, saying nothing and everything at once.
twenty-nine
Damian
Ithink I’m falling in love. I’ve never been in love before. Is this what it feels like? Your heart in your throat, your stomach in your ass, your pulse doubling when she walks in the room?
I need to be in control. I’m not. Instead, I’m spinning into oblivion.
I’ve lost my footing. And I’m terrified.
I want to tell her the truth, that I’ve fallen in love. Literally, tumbling down a deep tunnel, grasping for something, anything to stop me from going deeper. Is this why they call it “falling” in love? I need to tell her how I feel. If anything, she’s shown me I can trust her, that she will walk me through this. She stares back at me, waiting for an answer.
She’s so sexy, so beautiful, lying here in the moonlight, wearing a thin cotton nightdress, the outline of her breasts calling to me. I reach up, gently pulling the soft hair tie from her hair. Her curls tumble down over her shoulders, free, the way I like her hair best.
Before her, I suppressed my emotions, pushing them down to the bottom of the Adriatic Sea. I hate that she’s making me face my past, my emotions, dredging up everything I’ve kept buried. I can’t do it…
She stares at me, wanting, needing my response.
I want to punish her for making me feel this way.
