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“Yeah, I’ll tell her.” But he still didn’t feel any better. “Did you ever feel…” he trailed off, mostly because he couldn’t put into words what he was feeling right now. Whatever it was, it wasn’t good.
He knew that much.
“Feel what?” his dad asked.
“I don’t know. Like you’ve done everything wrong. Like you’re holding everybody back. I just think that if it wasn’t for me it would all be different.”
There was a concerned look on his dad’s face. And now he felt more guilty than ever.
“Never mind. It doesn’t matter,” Pres told him. “I’m just being stupid. I’m tired, it’s been a long day. Tomorrow will be better.”
“You’re not holding anybody back,” his dad told him. “You’re being you. Being a good dad, a good son.” He smiled. “Probably a good boyfriend, though I’d have to ask Cassie about that.”
“Thanks.” He gave him the tightest of smiles. He wasn’t looking for praise. God knew he didn’t feel like he deserved it.
He wasn’t sure what he was looking for. Maybe some clarity.
Delilah ran out into the backyard, her school bag on her back, Lola in her arms. Behind her, his mom walked out, smiling as she saw him standing with his dad on the grass.
“Do me a favor,” Pres said. “Forget I said anything, okay? I know Mom worries about me and she doesn’t need to.”
His dad nodded. “We both worry about you, but that’s what parents do. It’s what you’ll do with Delilah when you can’t bandage up every cut or solve every problem. But I hear you. This is between you and me.”
“Thanks, Dad.” He forced a smile onto his face because Delilah didn’t need her dad to be morose for the evening. “Come on, kid,” he called out. “Let’s go home and grab some food.”
“Daddy,” Delilah said that night, as he sat on the side of her bed, Goodnight Moon in his hands.
“Yeah?”
“Do you think Mom is on the moon?”
He blinked at her unexpected question. “What makes you ask that?” he asked.
“Grannie said she was up in the sky.”
His throat thickened. “Yeah, I guess she is. Finding a little comfy place to look down on you.”
Delilah nodded, turning onto her side. “She loves me.”
“Yes she does, sweetheart.”
“And you do too.”
“Yep.” He leaned forward to kiss her cheek. She was still warm from her shower, her skin plump and smooth. “More than anything.”
“And Cassie loves me.”
He blew out a mouthful of air. “Yeah.”
“And we love Cassie.”
Okay, he needed this to stop. Because on top of everything else, he didn’t need Jade and Cassie in his brain at the same time.
“Good night,” he whispered.
“’Night, Daddy.”
He stood and walked over to the door, turning the light out. But for a moment he stayed in the doorway of Delilah’s room. Just stood and watched her as she curled a little more, clutching onto Lola the Giraffe.
