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“I don’t resent you,” she told him. “I never would.”
He blew out a mouthful of air. “I need you to go.”
“No.” Her bottom lip was wobbling. Damn, she sounded like a child. Like Delilah. “I don’t want to. I’m staying here.”
“For me. Go for me.” His eyes caught hers. “Go and see if it’s what you want. If it is, then we’ll work through it together. And if it isn’t, I’ll be here. Waiting for you. I’m not going anywhere.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “I can’t ask you to wait.”
“You’re not asking. I’m asking. I’m fucking begging.”
“What if I don’t want to go?” she asked. A hot tear ran down her cheek. She wiped it away with the back of her hand. “You can’t make me.”
He stepped forward, wrapping her in his arms. And the tears were flowing more now. Hot and heavy down her cheeks, dripping onto his t-shirt.
“Don’t cry,” he begged hoarsely. “I don’t want you to cry. I want you to have it all. Everything.”
And that was how much he loved her.
She could feel it in the way he was holding her, his arms tight, his hands splayed against her back. He was her rock, her anchor.
But she felt like she was the storm.
“I never wanted this,” she told him.
“I know. You never asked for it either. And maybe you’ll go and hate it.” He pressed his lips against her hair. “And that’s okay. Because you’ll know. For sure.”
She lifted her face so she could look at him. He winced at the tears still flowing.
“And if I don’t go?”
He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. And that’s when she knew. This wasn’t about her, it was about him. About his loss. His fears.
He blamed himself for Jade’s death. He felt like he held her back.
That if he’d let her go when she needed to, she’d still be alive.
When he opened his eyes, she could see the strength in them. The certainty.
He’d made his mind up. He needed her to do this.
She loved him so much. The thought of leaving him, potentially forever, felt like a knife to her soul. She wanted this. She wanted him.
But she had no idea how to convince him.
“I’ll think about it,” she whispered.
“Okay.” He nodded. “That’s all I ask.”
No, he was asking for more than that. He was asking her to accept his sacrifice as well as his love.
And she wasn’t sure she could do that.
Chapter
Twenty-Seven
“It sounds like he wants you to have a Rumspringa,” Gemma said the next day. She’d taken one look at Cassie’s face when she’d arrived and had dragged her out for a coffee. Neither of them had classes until ten, so they had time.
