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That she’d break his heart – no, that wasn’t right. That he’d break his own heart in front of his kid.
But he couldn’t leave Delilah behind. Not after last night. He’d promised her that he wouldn’t leave her and he couldn’t. Not right now, when she was feeling tender about Cassie’s departure. If he was going to New York, then Delilah was too.
Yeah, he was an idiot. But at least it was for a good reason this time.
Delilah dozed off again for another hour, only waking up once the sun had fully risen. “Are we there yet?” she asked him.
“Another hour.” Maybe more. They were getting closer to the city but the roads were gridlocked. He’d hit rush hour. But luckily Delilah didn’t know what an hour was and looked mollified by his answer.
A while later they stopped at a roadside café, and he ordered them both breakfast. Delilah had wolfed down the pancakes, and he’d managed most of his own, plus two mugs of coffee which had provided enough of a caffeine injection to see him through the next few hours.
After that? Who knew. He’d have to find them a hotel room, that was for sure. And then there was Cassie.
Could he prove that he wanted her with him? That his need to be with her overrode his need for her to prove her love to him.
Because that’s what he’d been doing. He could see it clearly now. All those scars he had left over from Jade had turned out to still be wounds. Old, yeah, but never fully healed. And it had only taken this for them to be torn open all over again. Sore and bleeding.
He’d reacted to the pain, then put a little frosting on it to make it look like he was being self sacrificing. But this need for Cassie to go to New York? Marley was right, it was all about him.
Redemption didn’t come in pretty little ribbons. It came with the hard work, he knew that now. It came with understanding that nobody was perfect. Nobody was blame free. You made mistakes, you tried to atone for them, and you moved on. Hopefully stronger, hopefully wiser.
But you had to move on. He couldn’t keep living in a past where he felt guilty for everything. It was no good for him, let alone for Delilah. Or Cassie.
“Okay,” he said, putting his now-empty mug down and giving his kid the biggest smile. “Ready to head to New York?”
“Yup.” Delilah nodded her head, her eyes lighting up like a Christmas tree. She was loving this adventure. Maybe they needed to do more of this. Be spontaneous. Go out and enjoy life.
He’d spent so long trying to be the perfect parent to her, he’d forgotten about fun.
“Okay, but first we need to go brush our teeth.” Okay, maybe somewhere in the fun, he’d add a little bit of responsibility, too.
“Do we have to?” Delilah frowned.
“Do you want people in New York to smell our breath and think we stink?” he asked her.
She tipped her head to the side. “Your breath smells. Mine doesn’t.”
“That’s because you can’t smell your own.” He leaned forward and breathed in, then made a face. “Damn, that smells like the farts from a dead dog.”
Delilah laughed. “It doesn’t.”
“It won’t when they’re all clean. Come on, the quicker we do it, the faster we’ll make it to the city.”
She stood at lightning speed. “What are we waiting for?” she asked. “Come on, let’s go brush our teeth.”
The closer they got to the city, the more his stomach contracted. Why hadn’t he spent the time driving thinking about what he was going to say to her?
As they drove through the tunnel and onto Manhattan itself, Delilah had her face pressed against the window, silent as she took in the sights and sounds of New York City.
For a moment she reminded him of Alex and his awe at New York City looking exactly like it did in the movies.
Whatever happened, he promised himself he’d spend a couple of days with her here. Ignoring the fact that the construction site needed him and Delilah should be in school and every other thought that tried to tell him he was being a bad father with this impromptu trip.
They needed this. His daughter needed him. Not as a burden, but as a little girl who loved her daddy.
And damn, he loved her too, so much.
“Where’s Cassie?” Delilah asked as they crawled along Fifth Avenue.
