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“She got an offer from a band. One of their backup singers had pulled out right before they were set to tour and they needed a fast replacement. She wanted to go so badly. We argued about it for days. I had no idea how we were going to make it work with her away. I told her that if she left we were over.”
His shoulders slumped. “And she screamed at me that I had no idea how hard it was for her, then jumped in the car to go see her sister. But she never made it there.”
Oh God. Cassie’s heart clenched.
“It was a drunk driver. On their way home from an afternoon bender. The doctor told me it was instant. She wouldn’t have known what was happening.” He cleared his throat. “Our little girl lost her mom because I wouldn’t listen to her needs. Wouldn’t meet her half way.”
“You didn’t know…”
This time when their eyes met she could see the misery inside his. Is this what he’d been living with for three years? The pain, the agony. The constant guilt?
She exhaled softly, putting her hand on his shoulder.
“I’m sorry.”
“Not as sorry as I am. And today, watching you with Delilah, it brought back everything I took from her.”
“You didn’t want her to crash. You weren’t the one driving drunk…”
“But I’m the reason she went out in that car to see her sister.”
“Do you think she’d want you to keep beating yourself up about it?” Cassie asked him. “What if it had been you who’d left? What if you’d been the one who died instantly? Would you have wanted her to put her life on hold?”
“No.” His voice was rough. “But logic doesn’t always help.”
“I know,” she said softly. She gently lowered herself down from the swing set, her bare feet touching the grass. He stared at her wordlessly as she took his hand in hers, and pulled him down, until they were both on their knees. She turned and crawled into the cavity beneath the swing set, laying down on her back. “Are you going to join me?”
He lifted a brow, then crawled in after her, laying down next to her, both their legs extending onto the grass.
“I broke my leg in four places in a crash,” she told him. “One minute I was in the New York Ballet Corps, the next minute I was in the hospital, with my leg in pieces and a doctor telling me it was going to take months until I could walk again. They tried to make me as good as new, but I never danced professionally again.” She took a long breath, the memories making her feel anxious. It had taken five surgeries and a year of recovery and rehab for her legs to heal.
It was her ankle that had been the biggest problem. The doctors told her she’d never be able to dance en pointe again.
Which meant she’d have to leave the New York Ballet.
He threaded his fingers through hers, squeezing them tight. She wasn’t sure why she was telling him this. Maybe because their quid-pro-quo felt so uneven. She’d admitted something stupid about some dance moms and he’d cut himself open and bled out to her.
“I called my mom and begged for her to come be with me. But she was in Australia and didn’t want to cut her trip short. She was supposed to come to New York the following month to see me in the show, but when she heard I wouldn’t be recovered for it, she canceled her visit.”
“Jesus.” Presley’s voice was full of compassion.
“And I know losing your dream is nothing like losing your wife or your mom. I know that.” She squeezed his fingers. “And even worse, I realized it was never my dream. My dream was to have a mom who loved me. Who was proud of me. And dancing did that. Made her proud. Until it didn’t…”
“I’m sorry.” He ran the pad of his thumb over her palm. “Nobody should ever treat their kid like that.”
“I know. And that’s the thing. I look at you and the way that you are with Delilah and I know that if I was Jade I’d be happy. Because you make your daughter happy. She’s everything you think about. If she loses her stuffie, you don’t stop until you find it. You didn’t rejoin the band for three years because you couldn’t bear to be apart from her.” She lifted her brow. “You even went to church for her. You’re a good dad, Presley.”
“I stole her mom away.”
“No you didn’t. You just made some mistakes. Some very human ones. If she’d left a minute later, maybe you’d still be together, maybe you’d be divorced. Who knows? But it was one stupid twist of fate, not something of your own design.”
He rolled onto his side to look at her. She rolled too, until they were facing each other.
He leaned forward, cupping her jaw with his strong hand, brushing his lips against hers. “Next time somebody asks, tell them I’m taken.”
Her lips curled against his. “Oh yeah, by who?”
“This sweet little ballerina who knows that every time she dances for me, it makes me hard as fucking nails.”
