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"What?"
"What rule did you break?"
It bothered me that he already knew why I had sent the text. Or at least, that he thought he did. It had less to do with the broken rules than it did the consequence for breaking them.
I shrugged as if he could see me through the phone. "All of them. But it doesn't matter. I don't want to do this. I can do everything right, and then everything can fall apart in an instant through no fault of my own."
Bain sighed. "Tell me what happened."
I relayed the details of my no-good, very bad morning.
He chuckled. He actually chuckled.
I held the phone away from my face and glared at it. "Why are you laughing?"
"Because those are all minor broken rules and a bit of minor chaos, and you're acting like the walls are closing in on you."
"It's easy for you to call it minor!" I huffed. "It's not your butt on the line!"
"Let me ask you something. How long will it take you to clean up the mess that is in the house right now?"
"An hour? Probably less," I admitted.
"And you can make up two hours of work over the weekend pretty easily, can't you?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"And these few setbacks don't really mess up much in the long run, do they? The house is still clean. Work is still way more caught up than it was."
"Yeah, but it doesn't matter, because I'm still in trouble anyway."
He sighed again and I could picture him rubbing his temples. "And there it is. Jasmine. I think you are missing the point of all this. The rules are there to help keep you on track, not to make you feel like a failure when one gets broken. The goal is to keep you motivated and accountable so it doesn't get to that hopeless point again."
I didn't say anything, and he continued.
"The bigger issue right now is that your first reaction to a broken rule is to try to quit. It puts me in a hard place, because I can't force you to stay in the program, but I also don't think that's what you really want. And I know it's not what's in your best interest. If I let you quit when things get hard, how is any of this going to help you in the future?"
I scowled, knowing he was right. "I'm sorry I tried to quit. I didn't really mean it. I just didn't feel like it was fair that I was gonna be in trouble, and I panicked."
"I get it." He paused, and when he spoke again his voice had a commanding tone that brooked no argument. "New rule, though. No knee-jerk quitting every time something doesn't go your way."
I sat on that, hating it because I knew it meant I was getting a spanking tonight, but also kind of loving that he cared enough not to let me self-sabotage and waste my hard-earned money. "Yes, Daddy."
"Good girl."
One simple praise and my spirit settled.
"Now, is it the club that's making you go into a panic? Because you can safeword that, and it won't happen."
I chewed my lip as I considered. The club was the main reason for my panic, but it wasn’t the only reason. And while I appreciated the out, I knew Fridays at the club were important to him, and in a way, I was honored that he'd chosen to include me in that ritual, even though my stomach was turning at the thought of playing there with anyone who wasn’t Henry, but especially with him.
"I'll go to the club," I conceded. "But I'm not sure I can be spanked there. Can I safeword that part? I mean later, if I need to? If we are there and I just can't go through with it?"
"You can safeword any time you want, babygirl. And you don't need to ask."
"Yes, Daddy," I breathed through the phone, already feeling better. "I'm sorry I tried to quit. Thank you for calling me, and I guess I'll see you later."
"I'll pick you up at eight. And little girl, if you knee-jerk quit again instead of just talking to me about what's bothering you, you will definitely be sorry."
