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It’s a lie. He doesn’t care about me. This is all about his image and using me. That’s all this is, all it has to be. He helps me up the steps and to the front door. The sprawling mansion is modern, with glass everywhere. Massive black double doors open when Sebastian swipes his hand in front of some sensor near the handle. He leads me into an open foyer with shining marble floors and cathedral ceilings. A chandelier that looks made out of a million diamonds glitters above us. Ahead is a double staircase, and rooms lead off in every direction on the main floor. I can’t even be bothered to comment on how over the top and ridiculous this all is. Who the hell lives like this?
“I know it’s different from what you’re used to and that it will take some time to adjust to it, but just know there is nothing you cannot have, Bel. I refuse to let you go without.”
I don’t respond. What is there to say? This is no longer my life. I’m merely a puppet in this play, and someone else is pulling the strings. With more patience than I ever imagined Sebastian having, he guides me up the stairs and down a long hallway. It’s decorated in rich florals, expensive fabrics, and precious-looking knickknacks.
The damn hallway alone is bigger than my mom's house.
For one moment, I wonder where everyone is. Does he not have anyone either? In all the time I was messing around with Drew, I never thought to ask questions about his friends. Then again, why would I do that? It’s not like we were really ever together.
Sebastian stops at a door near the end of the hall and grabs the silver knob, turning it and pushing it open in one swoop.
Escorting me into the bedroom, he helps me sit on the edge of the massive king-size bed in the center of the room between two huge windows. I barely give the room a glance, but from what I can see, it’s decorated in stately grays and mauves. It's a pretty room, but right now, I don't give a shit about any of that.
It's like I felt too much all at once, and my emotional center has shut down. I’ve short-circuited my brain, which is a good thing since he turns to me and presses a piece of paper into my hand. I recognize my mom's handwriting scribbled on the front of the white envelope. What is this? Sadness suffocates me, and suddenly, I don’t want Sebastian to leave.
“I was told to make sure this gets to you. It’s from your mother. Feel free to read it when you’re ready. Grief takes time to get through, and we all have our own ways of coping. Don’t lose your spark, Bel. Don’t let this change you. I didn’t know our mother at all, but even with that knowledge, I know she wouldn’t want you to lose sight of who you are. Use the intercom by the bed if you need anything."
I don't respond. My mouth is dry, my eyes locked on the paper in my hands.
It takes me a long time to gently pry open the back and tug out the thin piece of notebook paper hiding inside. A few pieces of the torn edge from a spiral flutter to the floor. A smile tugs at my lips when my mother’s loopy cursive handwriting sprawls across the page.
Baby,
I'm sorry you have to find out this way. I tried to tell you so many times, but you refused to even entertain the idea of me dying. I can’t fault you for refusing to accept it. You’re as stubborn as your mother sometimes. So this is the backup plan. I hate putting it on you this way, but it’s my only option. Sebastian is your brother. I promise everything will make sense soon enough, but all you need to know right now is that I gave him up to keep you safe a long time ago. My only regret is not getting to fall in love with him like I've fallen in love with you. I know this is hard to understand, and you’re confused, but hopefully, it will all make sense someday.
Listen to Sebastian. He'll keep you safe, I know it.
Always remember, I love you so much!! You’ve been the light of my life since the second you opened your eyes. You took care of me when I should have been taking care of you. Well, now Sebastian gets that honor, and the man you decide is yours one day. You will always be so very perfect to me, my little Maybel. Always.
I want you to remember not to let the hard days win. I'm sure there will be plenty of them for you, but always remember I’m there beside you. And I know it’s a faraway thought at the moment, but I want you to find love, the kind that awakens the soul and makes you ache for more. I thought I had experienced it once before, but things got cut short. I don’t want that for you, sweetie. I want you to experience love for what it is. A valley of highs and lows, and the only person to help guide you is the one standing beside you through it all.
XOXO
Mom
I clutch the letter to my chest and fall back against the mattress. My heart beats, and my lungs inflate, but I feel nothing but pain and loss. There’s a hole in my chest that will never be filled, and I don’t know how I’ll survive with what’s left.
1
DREW
I’m a wolf in sheep's clothing. My skin itches, and my stomach tightens like a fist. This is my home, these are my friends, and this is my legacy, yet this blip of a thought tells me I don’t belong here. It’s not a lie. I could be doing so many other things right now, like begging Bel to speak to me, to forgive me. I’ve tried sending text messages and showing up at the mansion. I tried breaking in, but Sebastian’s stupid security removed me from the premises. Like I haven’t been inside that house and a fucking friend of his the majority of my life. Sebastian has practically banned me from seeing her.
Scanning the room, I dart my eyes from person to person. Every single one of the new Mill recruits is pathetic as fuck. A copy-and-paste overlay of every frat boy across this country. I lay across the large wooden throne carved by my great-grandfather, one leg hanging over the arm. Each fucker has five shots in front of them, and they have barely managed to hold them down.
I sweep my leg off the arm of the chair and let my boot hit the ground with a thud. "I'm not even fucking asking you for anything hard. Take five shots and run the five hundred meters across the lawn and back. That's easy compared to what some of the fraternities dish out."
There's a chorus of mutters and moans, and I shove the nearest freshman with my boot against his shoulder. "You, asshole, take your shots and set a good example." I nod toward Sebastian across the room on the oversized velvet armchair looking bored. "Do you want your sponsor to regret bringing you in? Do you want to chase a hare in The Hunt next year? Then get your shit together!" I scream the last bit in his face, and he leans down over his shots, covering his naked skin to protect it like my boot might slip off his shoulder down to his less protected bits.
"Fucking weak," I mutter and stand to go to the bar. I snatch a bottle of bourbon from the top shelf, pop the cork, and take a long drag. The burn of it feels so good while it courses through my cold chest. I keep my gaze on Sebastian as I swallow, thinking about how to approach him without starting another fight.
Lee saunters over, his own bottle of booze in hand. "Is it just me, or are these assholes worse than last year’s assholes?"
I snort. "I was just thinking the same thing. Five shots is nothing. That run is nothing."
I raise my voice so the recruits can hear me. "And if these assholes don't get moving soon, I'm going to start adding more shots and wood trails to what needs to get done tonight."
One of the assholes stumbles to his feet, and Lee gives him an appraising look. "You ready, asshole?"
