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"I want to, Luca, but I just can't."
"Why can't you?"
"Because, I'm terrified of giving up control and getting hurt. When I'm in control, I'm responsible for everything that happens. I'm not waiting on someone else to do something I can do. If I'm doing it, I know whom to blame if shit falls apart. The only failure is me. I'm not bringing someone else down with my worthless inadequacies. I'm not wasting anyone else's time. I'm not a bother. I'm not worthy of the attention you've been showing me." She'd said the wrong thing.
The muscle in Luca's jaw showed a prominent tick. "How many times have those words been said to you, darlin'? How many times? You recite them as if they are a grocery list. Who said these things to you? Who lied to you? I'll make them eat those fucking words." His anger radiated off of him. He was heated, and it had nothing to do with his internal temperature.
"Why are you so angry? It's the truth." Teagan shrugged.
"Listen to me carefully, little girl," Luca all but growled at her. "You are not a failure. You are a strong, intelligent and beautiful woman with an amazing amount of passion. You change lives every day, you rescue people; don't you see that? Hell, Tea, you've rescued me. Do you know what pisses me off? Do you? What pisses me off is that you think I'm a liar."
"I don't think you are a liar."
"Yes, you do. You think I lie to you every time I tell you I am falling for you or that you are worthy or good."
"No, no! I think that you believe those things about me, even if they aren't true," Teagan tried desperately to explain.
"I see. You don't think I'm a liar; you think I'm stupid."
"What? No!"
"Then, what, Teagan? Why do you keep trying to push me away? Why do you run? Why do you text me you're sick and tell your sisters you don't know what you are going to do about us? All you have to do is let me love you."
"I'm not as pretty as Evie. I'm ten pounds heavier, and I have absolutely no fashion sense. I prefer jeans and a hoodie over a little black dress. I'd never make it in polite society," Teagan said. "I'm not as motherly as Ro. I don't know how to bake a pumpkin pie or not to stuff a turkey before baking because it might cause food poisoning. I am a boxed macaroni and cheese, let's order takeout, I'm too tired from work to cook type of girl. I'm not special. I'm not wife or long-term relationship material, and you deserve all of that."
"What are you talking about?" Luca asked, perplexed by the change in conversation.
"Us. No, you." Teagan looked down at her hands. "I figured this would be a quick fling. We'd have some good sex and you'd get me out of your system and move on. That's how it always goes. The longest relationship I've ever had has been with work. I have more vacation time than anyone else in the department because I have no one to spend it with. And, you know what? I'm okay with that. I'm okay with not falling in love, Luca, because when you love someone, you put yourself at risk, at risk for heartbreak, for rejection, and for pain that takes entirely too long to overcome and heal from. I realized this last week that I could, no, I am falling for you and that scares me, Luca. You deserve better than me. I don't know how to do this."
"Teagan," Luca started, but she held up a shaky hand.
"No, let me finish," she said. She hadn't looked up from her hands. It was hard enough to get it all out without looking at his handsome face. "It isn't you, Luca. It's me. I know that sounds ridiculously cliché. But, it is me. I will hurt you. Once you discover I'm not worth it, that I'm not loveable, that I'm not good enough, and you finally discover you have wasted too much of your time on me, and that will happen, you will resent me. You might deny it now, because you are so incredibly stubborn, but someday, it will happen. It's best if we break things off now."
"Are you done?" Luca asked, drawing Teagan's eyes up to his face. His eyebrows were drawn together, wrinkling his forehead.
Teagan nodded curtly.
"Good, then it's my turn. The hell, we will break things off," Luca growled.
"You can't even look at me when you break up with me. Little girl, there is a reason you aren't the boss in our relationship. Don't think I don't recognize what this is. It is your survival instinct, break up with me before I can leave you. I've spent a lot of time getting to know you, Teagan. I know that you have at least half a dozen delivery places saved into your phone and that they all know your regular order. None of what you mentioned that your sisters do matters to me. I don't care what side of a plate the fork goes on or if you know what color eyeshadow pallet matches your skin tone the best. Newsflash, darlin', I think you look the best when you don't have any makeup on and your hair is in one of those messy bun things, in your oversized Oregon Duck hoodie and black leggings that hug those curves your sister doesn't have." He took a step toward her. "If you think for one moment, I am going to let you run because you're scared, you've got another thing coming. I'll be brave for both of us until you can recognize it within yourself."
"Dammit, Luca. I'm serious," Teagan scowled at him. She had never had a man stand up to her like this, nor one who didn't seem relieved when she broke up with them. It had always seemed like they were holding their breath, waiting for the perfect time. He didn't seem relieved. She looked at him closer. No, he was radiating controlled anger. "Stop being a stubborn asshole and listen to me."
"Did you just curse at me, little girl?" The look he shot her made Teagan's butt cheeks clench. "You seem to be the one having a hard time listening. Just stop fighting us. Stop getting inside of your head. Let go, and let me lead."
"I don't know how to do that," she replied.
"All you have to do is tell me what is going on in your head. That's it. Communicate with me. Be honest and open. You aren't going to scare me away, Teagan Anne. I've already fallen in love with you."
"No," Teagan gasped, pushing away from him, stumbling back a few steps. "That isn't possible. It's too soon. I'm too hard to love."
"Actually, darlin', you are rather easy to love. It is only you who feels otherwise," Luca argued. He stepped closer to her. For every step she took backward, he took one forward, pushing her until her back hit the wall. "When you get scared of getting too close, you push people away. That ends now. You talk to me, tell me how you are feeling. No more running. I can't help you if I don't know you are struggling. Being with me means understanding that I am going to demand better from you. I can only do that with open and honest communication. Teagan, don't give up a beautiful future because of an ugly past."
"I've never needed a man, Luca. This is hard for me."
"Don't need me, then. Want me, desire me, long for me. You don't have to need me to belong to me."
Teagan stood there, the cold hard wall behind her back, her chest rising and falling like she had run a marathon, even though she had only taken a few steps. She felt him in front of her, even through her tightly closed eyes. She smelled his musky manliness, his words shooting arousal straight through her from her heart into her loins. She had never wanted a man as badly as she wanted the one in front of her before that moment.
She could belong to him without needing him. Something clicked with his words. She could surrender to him without being dependent on him for survival or giving up her individuality. He could make her better without losing herself in the process, make her stronger with her submission instead of exploiting her weaknesses, and damn, if that wasn't sexy as hell.
Teagan opened her eyes, wrapped her arms around Luca's neck, pulled her face as close as she could to his and whispered into his mouth, "I belong to you; take me."
