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“She preferred to stay in the city.” That sounds better than admitting I never felt comfortable about inviting Sadie here. I hated not coming to the house while we were together, but it seemed better to deal with an enforced absence than bring her here when I knew it would feel wrong.
Pat steps forward, so she’s on the other side of the island unit. “You’re sure it was Sadie who felt like that?”
“You know I prefer being here to anywhere else, Pat.”
“I know you’re willfully misunderstanding me,” she says. “This is your home. We both know that. I’m not questioning the fact that you love it here. I’m questioning the fact that you never seem to want to share it with anyone else.”
“I haven’t met anyone I want to share it with.”
“In three years?” She frowns, shaking her head. “Are you even trying?”
“Not really.”
She lets out a sigh. “And you still maintain you’re not moping over Sadie?”
“I’m not.”
“So, you’re honestly telling me you weren’t hurt by finding your girlfriend with another man?”
“I was shocked. I’ll even admit to feeling humiliated. But I wasn’t hurt.”
“Then why are you pining?”
“I didn’t say I was. You did.”
“Oh, Hunter… any fool can see you’re lonely, but don’t you think it’s time you tried dipping your toe in the water again, with someone new?”
She turns, stepping away, and picks up her cloth again. She knows me well enough not to push me on any subject… but especially this one, and she gets on with what she’s doing, leaving me to think…
She’s only saying the same thing as Drew did the other night. Their language might be slightly different, but they mean essentially the same thing, and although I’ve avoided thinking about it for quite a while now, maybe I need to face up to it.
“You’re right.”
Pat turns around, raising her eyebrows. “I am?”
“Yes. There’s no point in denying it. I’m lonely. I told Drew when I last saw him. Only after I’d said it, I thought I was exaggerating. Except I’m not. It’s how I feel. The problem is, the only person who can do anything about it is me.”
She puts down her cloth, coming back and standing right in front of me.
“I don’t see why that’s so much of a problem.”
I wish I could believe that.
Admitting to being lonely is one thing. Working out what to do about it is something else altogether.
I wound up spending the entire weekend by myself. Pat and Mick were at the house, obviously, but they were as unobtrusive as ever, and I only saw Mick once, when he was mowing the lawn on Sunday morning.
Knowing me as well as she does, I think Pat sensed I needed some thinking time. Not that it did me any good. I don’t feel as though I’m any further forward than I was on Friday.
Part of me wishes Drew had been at the house this weekend. Even when he is, we normally don’t live in each other’s pockets. He has sole use of the guest cottage, so we can both have some privacy when we need it. But if he’d been there, we’d have been able to talk… or more likely just sit in the den watching movies, or hang out by the pool with a beer. Of course, if Ella had been there, I wouldn’t have had any peace at all. She might have her own apartment now, in the west wing of the house, but she prefers company, and isn’t necessarily that sensitive to anyone else’s need for solitude… or silence. Fortunately, as far as I know, she’s still in Paris, and will be until later in the summer.
So far, my Monday has been about as uneventful as my weekend. I’m busy enough, but I can’t seem to settle, and I’ve made it to early afternoon without feeling as though I’ve achieved anything.
I’m contemplating yet another cup of coffee, when my computer pings letting me know I’ve received an email, and I open the app, sitting forward when I see the message is from Miles, and that the subject is ‘Doreen’s replacement’.
“About time,” I mutter under my breath, clicking on the message and reading…
‘Hunter,
